After focusing on nighttime for a while, I’ve recently rediscovered daytime in a big way. Yesterday I laid a redhead with a nice little body same-day, my first daytime lay with no day2. Following in my tradition of writing up a report every time I make a breakthrough in my game, here’s my LR from yesterday for your enjoyment.
Keys to the lay:
1. Opening naturally with a situational opener
2. Following the opener with a well calibrated “neg”
3. Quality spontaneous conversation interspersed with teasing, cold reads and reframes
4. Well calibrated kino
5. Not bailing out by taking a number — insta-dating and pushing the interaction as far as it would go
6. Multiple venue insta-date, good management of logistics
7. Strong extraction move
8. Using Woodhaven’s LMR technique combined with simply ignoring her and physically escalating to overcome LMRInitial Approach:
Recently, I’ve been doing a good amount of daytime sarging (3-4 days a week). I’d been concentrating on nighttime for a while, so I thought it’d take me a while to get back into it. I got back into it pretty fast — after getting blown out of 30-35 sets with only a few crappy numbers to show for it, I was starting to get insta-dates and much more solid numbers.
It’s a beautful day out, and I was sarging solo and concentrating on lonewolfs. I’d opened 3 or 4 girls outdoors, nothing doing, so I decided to head inside Newbury comics, an artsy-emo type record store.
It’s a cool place — they have a lot of independent artists that you won’t find in a more corporate record store. I spot this redhead with purple sunglasses on, tight jeans, killer body. I’ve got this thing for redheads, so I approach right away.
A technique I’ve tried lately for opening is going in without knowing what you’re going to open with — just approaching the girl and letting something come out of your mouth. It’s been working fairly well — usually the verbal content of my openers is so-so, but the spontaneity of the approach makes it work much better.
I open her “Hey…do you know if they have any Sage Francis here?” She looks at me like I’m retarded. “Who?” “He’s an underground rapper. I thought you’d know, you kind of have the Newbury comics look.” This makes her laugh.
The Newbury comics look thing is a neg that I’ve been experimenting with lately, if that’s the word for it. For some reason I find that it opens girls up if you tell them that they have the look of whatever place you’re in. Like whenever they say something that kind of supports it say “Yeah I can tell…you’ve got the hip-hop club look, I can tell you’re really ghetto, like 50 cent (when she’s obviously not)” — or “Yeah I can tell, you totally look like someone who goes to candy stores all the time” It works best in eccentric kind of places, where it’s kind of an odd backhanded compliment.
Anyways, she starts to open up. She asks why she has the Newbury comics look, I tell her because she’s wearing a purple shirt and purple sunglasses. She laughs again, and I tease her about wearing sunglasses inside for a little bit. She’s like well, it helps me maintain my mysterious aura (keeping the vibe going). I say, yeah, you look pretty mysterious, I bet you’re a secret agent from….Lithuania (just saying a random country).
I get lukcy here, she’s like OH MY GOD HOW DID YOU KNOW I’M LITHUANIAN? I say, oh, I’ve got the full briefing on you. Apparently, you’re a very dangerous girl. I’m not going to lie, I’m kind of scared (taking a step away, she giggles). I keep going with it: Yeah, it’s OK though, you can be my bodyguard, if anyone messes with me you can kick their ass…I keep going like this for a little while, with a little incidental kino at high points. I do some small rapport and light screening, we’re standing there for about ten minutes talking.
I ask her what she’s doing now. She says “Well, I’m on a mission…and it involves lots of shopping…and ice cream at some point.” I say “Well, I’m on a similar mission…I think we should join forces (yes, I actually said this. It’s nerdy, but it flowed well from the vibe of the conversation). She’s like good idea, and we leave the store together.
The key here was going for the insta-date. It’s my policy now to always push pickups to the farthest point before taking a number unless there’s something else I have to be doing soon. Looking back, there’s a lot of times where I could have gotten laid but I took a crappy phone number instead. Like someone on ASF said once, phone numbers aren’t a goal, they’re a last resort for when logistics don’t work out.
Insta-date:
I decide to get ice cream first, and ask her what’s a good place around here. She points me to a place across the street. She’s leading, but I frame it as her giving me compliance: “This is awesome, you’re going to be like my guide to (the shopping district we were in) and show me all the cool stuff.” This frames it like she’s doing something for me for free.
We get ice cream, and get a corner booth. By this time, I realize that all my active value building is done. I have enough value to fuck this girl right now — I just need attainability and compliance, which is like 70% of the game. I ease off the teasing, and start doing things to make myself more attainable and to get her to work for me.
Attainability: This is all happening so fast, it’s essential that she feels qualified. I tell her that this is awesome, I haven’t had ice cream like this in a long time, and I feel like I’m a kid again. This shows that I’m having a good time with her, which is good coming from a place of higher value. When she gets on a negative thread about how Boston people suck, I cut her thread by qualifying her on how friendly and outgoing she is. I also say “Aww, you laugh a lot, that’s so cute.” Basically, vibing with everything I’ve got that I’m genuinely interested in her. I’m also using future adventures projection heavily, saying stuff like “Alright, we gotta do some crazy stuff together…we should go skydiving, and go to one of those places where they have someone videotape your face as you’re falling…and you’d be all scared, but it’d be funny, and then we could get drunk together afterwards and watch it over and over…”
Compliance: I run my usual screening game on her. She qualifies herself for everything, except she says that she never cooks, and mostly eats yogurt and nutri-grain bars. I playfully punish her — “Oh no, that’s terrible…I wanted to marry you and live in a house with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids, but now that’s never going to happen. She gets on a bad, negative thread about how she just got divorced — I let it go on for a little too long before I cut it. No major damage done though, and we’re soon having fun again.
We finish our ice cream, and bounce to the stores outside. We hit up a few stores, and eventually wander into the mall nearby. We go into a makeup store, and I’m say “OK…I’m giving you a makeover. You can trust me, I’m a professional makeup artist.”
She rolls her eyes, but I go to work. I pick out a clown shade of red lipstick, and smear it haphazardly on the general area of her lips. I finish, and I’m like “Wow…you look amazing.” She looks at what I’ve done in the mirror, and she’s like “Oh my god!” and she hits me. As she’s wiping it off, I say, that’s terrible, you looked so beautiful, it matched your hair and everything.
Next, we hit up the book store. She goes straight to the astrology section because she’s into that weird shit. I get one of those “365 sex positions” books, and we look through it. Sometimes I wonder if the people who write these kinds of sex books have ever actually had sex. We laugh at the ridiculous yoga positions, and sit next to each other on the floor reading and talking.
We start talking about drugs, and I tell her that I used to smoke weed a lot, but I haven’t in a long time. She’s like, yeah, I’ve only smoked weed once…I’ve got some coke at my house though. I’m not surprised, she seemed like a party girl. So of course I say “Cool. Want to do it with me?” I didn’t have any intention of actually doing it, I just did it for extraction purposes.
Now I’m totally not into drugs, but they make such a solid extraction move. Seriously. Every time I try a complex artsy-fartsy “want to see my gerbil’s fingerpaintings” it doesn’t work, but a simple “wanna blaze” is infallible. I think it has to do with being congruent to my personality. I’m a party guy, so non-party extraction moves seem contrived. Where else, alcohol and drug extractions seem natural, even though I really don’t drink or smoke that much. It’s just because I *seem* like the kind of person who drinks and smokes a lot. Go figure.
She says sure — she just has to get a few more books, and then go grocery shopping. I’m like, cool, and I tell her I’ll be right back. I tell her to hold my bags while I’m gone (compliance). I run through the mall, and to a nearby convenience store where I pick up some condoms, then run back.
She gets her books, and we walk to the grocery store together. This was one of those moves which was theoretically bad, but logistically necessary. Me tagging along to go grocery shopping with her was big negative compliance, but it was necessary. Otherwise, she probably would have just left. While I’m in the store, I try to offset the negative compliance as much as possible by having her still hold my bags, and by taking a few phone calls.
We check out, and then go to leave. She has a bunch of heavy grocery bags and is still carrying my bags. This is verging on being a dick, so I take my bags back. Suddenly, she realizes she’s lost her wallet. She goes through all her bags and it’s not there, she starts freaking out. Finally, she goes to the lost and found, and finds it.
She gets on the negative topic of losing stuff and how people will steal things, and it takes a few thread cuts before I can get her off it. We walk to the subway, and hop on the train to her house.
In the subway station, she asks out of the blue “what’s your number,” then says that she’s big into text messaging. I tell her that’s good, and I expect her to send me at least 45 text messages a day. This establishes attainability, because I’m implying that I want to see her again after today. It also builds compliance, because she’s doing something for me. We text each other on the train while sitting right next to each other until we go underground, at which point we’re forced to resort to actual talking.
Isolation, LMR and Lay:
We get to her house, and drop off her groceries. I ask if she has anything to drink. She says no, but she can run out and get something. We run down to the liquor store and she decides to pick up a decent quality champagne. She pays for it (compliance).
We get back to her place, and pop open the champagne. She pulls out a ziplock bag with a smidgeon of white powder in one corner, which is presumably her coke. I tell her that I’m not in the mood, and I’d rather just drink. She puts in away, and says “maybe another time.” Haa — maybe not.
I pop in one of her CDs, and sit next to her on the couch. I ask her “So…what’s your story?” which is a great question for building rapport. It basically asks the person to tell you whatever it is they think you need to know in order to really know who they are. She tells me some stories about her life, some funny, some sad. I listen, building attainability and compliance.
She puts in a Snoop Dogg CD, and starts rapping along with him. It’s entertaining to see this little redhead girl saying that she’s the motherfuckin’ D-O-G-G for a little while, but it’s stalling the sarge out and disrupting the continuous flow of action. I let her finish the song, then tell her I’m tired, and that we should go to bed. She kills the radio and the lights, and we crash.
We keep talking for a little while after she turns off the lights, then I roll on top of her. I put my face about an inch from her’s. She says “Um…I don’t know if you want to be doing this…” I say “Yeah, I probably shouldn’t be doing this” and then I start making out with her.
I keep physically escalating, with sporadic LMR along the same lines of how I shouldn’t be involved with her. I either say “Yeah…I probably shouldn’t” and keep escalating, or I just ignore her, and make out with her so that she can’t talk. After like the fourth time she says it, I’m worried she might have AIDS or something, so I ask “Why shouldn’t I be involved with you?”
She goes on about how she just got divorced but it’s not legally binding yet, and how she’s in love with this other dude, and a bunch of other shit I didn’t listen to. After a while I realize there’s no AIDS, so I go back to my refrain “Yeah…that sounds bad…I definitely don’t want to get involved with you…” and then I make out with her more.
I keep taking off her clothes, LMR is weaker from here on. Then I obliterate it by eating her out. As is my policy for first-timers, I give her an orgasm by eating her out before I fuck her. This is because the first time having sex the girl is not comfortable with you yet, and is not fully immersed in the experience. A clitoral orgasm allows her some release and allows her to let go of her conscious thoughts and worries, preparing her for when you fuck her. This makes the sex much better.
Like almost all new girls, she takes forever to cum. I persist and experiment with a variety of strokes, until she starts to get really turned on. Then, I start applying more pressure with my tongue and push her over the edge. Immediately after she cums in my mouth, I lie on top of her and give her a kiss, allowing her to taste her own pussy. She’s lovin’ it.
I get a condom and strap up, then enter her. I fuck her for a good amount of time, until we’re both dripping sweat. She’s able to cum multiple times, which is unusual for a new girl no matter how well they’re fucked. I’m guessing this is because she’s a party girl, and she’s used to new sexual partners. This was the best sex I’ve had with a first-time girl, although it can’t compare to sex with my baby because I have such strong emotions for her.
Afterwards, I hold her and she falls asleep in my arms, which is excellent for converting newly laid girls into MLTRs. I’m not sure if I want to yet, because I suspect she does a lot of coke and I don’t want to be around that. But I did it anyways on principle, just to play solid game to the end.
I have to wake up early that morning for a doctor’s appointment. She’s still sleeping. I get dressed and grab my bags. I give her a kiss on the forehead and she gives me a little sleepy smile, and I head out the door.
Again, the keys:
1. Opening naturally with a situational opener
2. Following the opener with a well calibrated “neg”
3. Quality spontaneous conversation interspersed with teasing, cold reads and reframes
4. Well calibrated kino
5. Not bailing out by taking a number — insta-dating and pushing the interaction as far as it would go
6. Multiple venue insta-date, good management of logistics
7. Strong extraction move
8. Using Woodhaven’s LMR technique combined with simply ignoring her and physically escalating to overcome LMR
as seen on Sex Revolution
11 Februar 2006
Dimitri: Lo-Tech Solutions for Smart People
Introduction: Aspirations to be a "Player"
"So many men try to go out and prove they're 'players' now, not nerds any more.
"They don't realize that by going out and socializing, nobody's wondering if they're a nerd. They're wondering if they're a player... or something better."
-Vincent "Woodhaven" DiCarlo
Many men who were unpopular during their school years don't want to be seen as nerds any more. They want to be "players". The problem is, players aren't what women want to be with. They want to be with legitimate, genuinely cool people - who aren't exerting every ounce of energy into being cool people.
Two examples of this - Zeus in Washington, D.C. and Ace of Hearts in Tokyo. You've likely never heard of either of these guys, even though they're two of the best in the "seduction community". It's because they're too busy living play-it-the-bone awesome lives to get caught up in trying to play.
I've had the pleasure and blessing to spend time with some of the greatest people in this entire world, including master pickup artists. And you know what? We don't talk about pickup more than 5% of the time. Zeus and I talked about tea and travel last we got to talk. The first time I met Ace of Hearts, he and I talked about beer, comedy, and cards.
These guys are both top-notch players. They get women, both in quantity and quality. But they don't think of themselves as players.
Woodhaven's hierachy goes something like this:
Nerd
Average guy
Player
Ex-player
Genuine guy
By being out in a social place, meeting people and making connections, NO ONE is wondering "Is this guy a nerd?" They're trying to figure out "Is this guy a player... or something more?" By doing playerish things, you're actually communicating you're the one of the lower ranks on the social rungs. Men who were "players when they were younger but grew out of it" are more widely liked and respected then men trying to play. And the most widely respected of all is the man who never tries to be cool, the one who transcends the "game" so to speak.
LO-TECH SOLUTIONS FOR SMART PEOPLE
"If you can get the same results with a simpler system, it means it's better technology."
-FB, 1/15/06, New York City
And so Lo-Tech was born. The desire and necessity for simple, easy-to-apply social solutions had not been made clear to me until a student in New York City had impressed this upon me. If you can get the same results in an easier, simple system - It's better technology.
"For me, there's no choice... I want to get results without complicated stuff."
-J, 1/30/06, Boston
Some of the most powerful and mesmerizing "pickup techniques" are deathly simple. Profoundly so.
Until the last two years, these techniques had largely been looked down in the seduction community. The reason is that prior to 2004, the community had been largely populated by guys who were striving not to be nerds.
Occasionally a "natural" would show up. Someone like Steve "Toecutter" Celeste. And he'd share simple, practical, highly effective things on how to get women, backed up by solid intellectual debate. People like Steve would make an impact but as they began to post less, they'd be forgotten. They didn't attract cultlike followings like many people espousing very complicated formulae.
This began to shift over two major events. The first was a series of scandals, lawsuits, and patterns of forgery being exposed in a couple of the west coast schools of seduction. It left people disenchanted and looking for something else. Some more wholistic schools were then embraced, including Natural Game which I was proud to be a part of, and other steps forward like the direct movement.
So what is Lo-Tech?
It's simple technology that's easy to understand, not glamorous on paper, and achives massive successful results out in the social arena.
HIGH-TECH'S PLACE IN THE WORLD
High-tech solutions are not only useful but necessary as well. Before I teach a single lo-tech solution, I begin by outling attraction in a scientific way. Here's the Cliff Notes:
Attraction is a result of a combination of "VAC" -
Value + Attainability + Compliance
Value: Value is value for a person's life. There is something that a person wants in an item that makes it valuable to them. In the case of an automobile, it'd be valuable as transportation, for its comfort, and also for its show of status. Sometimes value is consciously recognized, sometimes it fills a subconscious need.
Attainability: Attainability is the belief, conscious or subconscious, that you can have something. When I speak to a room of 30+ people, I get the pleasure to do something a little bit nefarious. I ask, "Who in this room has ever been seriously attracted to the idea of owning a yacht?" Usually 2-3 people will raise their hands. I get to then put them on the spot and make them blush with, "And all of you make a pretty good income, don't you?" Sheepish nods all around.
People will not become attracted to something they can't have. It's a defense mechanism. They might appreciate it or enjoy it, but they won't pine after it the way they would something they can have. While a yacht would have value for almost any man - It represents power, freedom, luxury, and fun, as well as opening up a whole set of possible adventures - Only men that have at least an outside shot of owning a yacht will become seriously attracted to the idea.
Compliance: Formerly termed "work" or "effort" in early renditions of the VAC Model of Attraction, compliance goes beyond that. It includes active work or effort put into an ordeal, but also includes accepting things that you don't necessarily like to the end of having something.
Compliance is ruled by the Cost-Worth Conception. This says that people will attribute the worth of something to how much is charged for it. While arguably a flawed way of thinking, it goes a long way to explaining human behavior. The example I use to illustrate this when instructing is a game at a carnival or an amusement park. It'll cost you $5 to $10 to win a small, stuffed tiger from a game at a carnival, as well as some luck and skill. And after you do, how thrilled will you be? You'll likely smile and put it on a shelf as a trophy.
What if that stuffed tiger had been given away for free on the street as a promotion for Frosted Flakes? Would you have taken it? Likely not. If it was forced upon you, you might've thrown it away immediately in the nearest trash can.
VALUE - WHERE IT ALL STARTS
"Prior to the workshop, I understood the concept [that I already had value] intellectually, but that didn't make it true for ME. The fact is, in my reality, I saw myself as a below-average looking guy of low value and the goal was to somehow obscure that fact from women via the use of techniques. The idea of having to actually let it be known I'm attainable so as to not intimidate girls never entered my mind."
-"The Parametric Epiphany", Parametric
"I'm calling this "The Parametric Epiphany." Nice ring to it eh? Sounds like the title of a life changing event.
"I had the privilege of being in the room and seeing Parametric's reaction to Seb and Vin's correction of this false and limiting belief. Even cooler, I observed firsthand his comfort and smoothness while chatting up that hottie latina (she was quite a looker with a megawatt smile). It definitely *wasn't* the vibe of someone who's wondering meekly "Does this girl like me?" but of a cool and confident guy."
-Zodiac
While many techniques in seduction at-large focus on the building of value, rarely if ever has value been codified and explained. Here is how we do it:
Value: In regards to meeting new women, value comes down to "value for her life". That is, something could be valuable in general but not specifically to her - In which case, it is not value for her life, and you don't have value for her.
VALUE IS ALL ABOUT PERCEPTION. An internally confident person who has a nervous tick may not appear to confident. Likewise, if you're very nervous but have all the nonverbal communication of a confident person, people will believe you to be confident.
The two kinds of value we focus on are:
Universal Value: These are characteristics that would be attractive to some degree to all* women, and not unattractive to any. These include confidence, charisma, leadership, health, and ambition. There's theoretically an infinite number of universally valuable traits, but if you're aware of the major ones then you'll cover the minor ones.
Specific Value: These are traits that would turn some women on, but others off. Two examples on opposite ends of the spectrum: A "dangerous" guy would be attractive to certain kinds of women, usually younger women who are slightly bored or rebellious. At the same time, danger would be a turnoff to most women looking to put together a stable household and settle down and have children. On the other hand, a man with lots of stability who is risk-adverse might be a turn-off to younger party girls, but would appeal more to women looking for a stable father type.
The answer is to develop (or at least develop the appearance) of as much universal value as possible. Since confidence is universally valuable, you want to sit and stand like a confident person (body language). You want to move like a confident person (appear unrushed, fluidity in motion), speak like a confident person (legatto tonality, pauses for emphasis), and make eye contact like a confident person (bridge of the nose, look "through" the other person so your perepheral vision kicks in).
All those little techniques listed in parenthesis will make you appear more confident. And perhaps the best part of all is - After you practice them enough, they become subconscious and you do them automatically. Combined with improved thought patterns (especially Focus) you actually become a more confident person.
"Have you ever noticed that there's something strange about a lot of sargers [sarge: verb, 'to attempt to pick up women']? It's as if you look at a guy, and you can just TELL that something is missing. And some of these guys even do amazing in the field. They get great reactions most of the time... but, at the same time, they NEVER seem to have a girlfriend.
Most of the guys I know are like this. And there are a few reasons why: First, it goes back to one of my cardinal rules: The best way to sarge is to have something BETTER to do than to sarge."
-Neil "Style" Strauss, Introduction to "Are you becoming a Social Robot?
Style says it well: Universal Value isn't just your precise communication skills. It's all the skills you have. One type of UV is Health: Learning "pickup" won't improve your health, but health is universally valuable.
That's scary to some people who don't want to be healthy. I understand that. And the fact is, you can get away with being poorly dressed and unhealthy if you have enough in the way of other universal and specific value. But, by making simple changes like consuming less simple carbohydrates in favor of complex carbs (switch from white to wheat breads, cut down on soda and pastries and sugar), drinking more water, and eating less deep-fried food, you'll have more energy, a better complexion, and a better physique. This does improve your "game", just like more confidence does.
The reason why? Health is universally valuable. Just like confident, charisma, humor, quick wit, leadership, decisiveness, indifference to arbitrary social norms, emotional steadfastness, intelligence, culture, worldliness, creativity, desire to reproduce, popularity, self-esteem, grooming, survival instincts, quick reflexes, and ambition. Composite traits are conditions that exist that indicate some of this universal value. "Good body language" is universally valuable, because it shows the appearance of health, confidence, and self-esteem. Power is generally the result of ambition, leadership, and decisiveness (among other things).
When Vincent and I wrote the most complete list of universal value that we could over the course of two weeks, we found that roughly half of the traits on the list can be improved through learning "pickup" and seduction skills. The other half, things like creativity, ambition, health, quick reflexes, and so on can be improved, but are done so outside of pickup contexts. Things like martial arts (or any combat sport), nutrition, travelling, and learning about art make you more valuable as a person as well.
You want as much Universal Value as you can get. It'll make you into a better, more productive, happier person - that gets better social results as well.
Specifically Valuable Traits are things that would turn one woman on, but another woman off. The trade-off is well-worth it if you cultivate the right traits - The kind of women you like will be very interested in you, the kinds of women you don't like will be less interested.
If you don't know what you want, or you want variety, then you should stick to universal value (which everyone should maximize). If you do have a strong preference, then we're talking. If you have a strong preference for a type of woman, you can cultivate traits about yourself that lend to your getting that type of woman.
Sometimes this is "like gets like". Hippy girls like hippy guys. Punker girls like punk guys. And so on through most countercultures. On the flip side, sometimes it's an opposites thing. Submissive women like dominant men.
You can also see cultural patterns. Women like different things in Barcelona than they do in Chengdu. London and Krakow are quite different. So is Mazatlan and New York City. So if you like certain ethnicities of women, speak to someone knowledgeable about the culture who has solid social skills, or talk to a type of man that's very interested in variety, who will often understand that a girl from Trinidad will react to different specifically valuable traits than a girl from Seoul.
THE POWER OF FOCUS
You may have noticed something in common with all men who get lots of women from nightclubs.
It's not that they're all good looking.
It's not that they're all wealthy.
It's not that they're all mean, or nice, or any specific behavior pattern.
They say different things.
They do different things.
But they've all got one thing in common.
"My girls would be in VIP and I'd go down to the floor and if a guy was just having fun and wasn't trying to holler, I'd let him go up and let my girls see if they liked him."
-Dan "Spirit Fingers" R.'s girlfriend, Club Promoter and Bartender
Focus is quintessential Lo-Tech. Focus is a concept that's so simple on the surface that two years ago, it would have been shunned by socially awkward people. In the last two years, there's been an evolution in this area of social science. The TNG movement combined with the publication of The Game has more cool people than ever in the seduction community, and they're demanding technique that works - especially if it should be obvious.
The fact of the matter is, cool guys who get women go out and do two things better than everyone else -
1) They have fun.
2) They socialize.
The first two focuses we prescribe are none other than Have Fun and Be Social.
The reason why -
Have you ever been driving your car, had the radio on, and been either eating or talking on your cell phone? Humans have this amazing ability to multitask, and many people continually are surprised at what people can do with the "back of our minds". After you learn concepts like Universal Value and Situational Relevance (which is simply choosing things appropriate for the current moment in conversation, including "opening") then it's time to work on those skills.
The problem becomes when your primary focus is to "do sets" or "do approaches". The reason is you'll run into the problem that every pickup artist, from Razorjack to Craig to Tyler to Woodhaven to everyone else has sworn is social suicide - The "Hunter Vibe".
It's when you look around a club for a "hot babe" to approach, ignoring everyone else around you. Or sit on the wall and get drunk if there aren't any hot enough girls there, jumping into action if any walk in the door.
The problem with this is that these behaviors are indicative of "low value" (the lack of, and/or opposite of universally valuable traits). These scream "player".
Cool people are cool because they're always having fun and socializing with everyone around them. So the first question you should always ask yourself is this - "Am I having fun?" If you are not, begin having fun before moving on to the next step. If you like to drink, it's okay to have a drink or two. If you like to dance, go dance. If you like to shoot pool, have a game of 8-Ball before you go do your "approaches" if you like.
If you aren't having fun and don't have any immediate solution you know will make you have fun, start doing crazy, playful things. 75% of the early part of archive is just me doing silly stuff and laying girls. I'd "open" by taking off a girl's shades and putting them on, swatting her with my umbrella, or throwing a piece of ice at her. These aren't good technique per se - but they can jump start the fun you're having.
One fun exercise we do on workshop now, that you can try with your friends, wingmen, or local lair - Have everyone write one decent opener down that they invented, and throw it in a hat. Everyone draws from the hat and uses it at least once or twice that night.
We had a student use one such opener, that was really just crazy and ridiculous. He walked up to two girls at the bar, waved his arms around, and yelled, "It's SAUSAGE TIME!!!!"
Did it open?
...
...
...
Yes.
More importantly, it got him having fun. The fact of the matter is: People avoid people that are miserable in bars and nightclubs. People want to meet others who are having a great time and being social.
As for socializing - You MUST talk to everyone. Cool guys, uncool guys, cute girls, ugly girls. Young and old. Fashionable and not. Doing so will get you in the right, talkative frame of mind and will help you have fun. For all the pragmatists out there, it also generates what Professor Cialdini calls "social proof" - It shows people liking you and having fun interacting with you. It also has added benefits. Sometimes you'll get in for free to places with cover charges, you can get in with managers to get special access like VIP, and perhaps my favorite of all - Getting in with bouncers so if anyone gets rowdy later and starts trouble with you or yours, you simply have them removed with a wave of your hand (much better to be fun and socialize with the troublemaker and turn him or her into a friend, but good to have the option!)
Those are the first two focuses we prescribe. They should take up 50-65% of your conscious thought. You should constantly be having fun and meeting as many people as you can. Handclasp people, pat guys on the back, give girls kisses on the cheeks and get them back. Meet everyone, have a blast doing so. If you're having a bad time, give yourself a liscense to be silly and get yourself feeling lighthearted again.
Secondary focus: Your secondary focus is what you think about after you've started having a good time and socializing. This is where you:
3) Make connections.
4) See if people meet your standards.
Make connections - Try to relate to people and build people up. Confident, social people make people around them better. They engage in what we call "high value attainability" - This is letting other people know they're good enough to spend time with them, and that they're liked. Find common ground.
Then see if people meet your standards, instead of the other way around. Never try to impress people. If you work on universal value in your everyday life (becoming more expressive and interesting, learning communications and speaking skills, grooming yourself better, building self-confidence, doing new and interesting things and so on and so forth) and then you're able to have a lot of fun and be very social anywhere - You've got value.
After that, you need to see if people meet your standards. Size them up, see if they'd be fun to be friends with or suitable as a potential girlfriend, and so on. The process of doing so will communicate good things about you - That you have value, to be specific. Having standards suggests you have options - Which means you've got value.
Your secondary focuses should take up 25-30% of your thought processes.
So again, the steps for successful pickup:
*) Learn and better yourself as much as possible, including building universal value as much as possible for yourself. This includes everything that can be learned from the disciplines of communications, psychology, sociology, biology, economics, marketing, and so on. Those are where most of the applied social skills from seduction come from.
After that, you'll know a lot of theory and a lot of techniques. It's good to study and learn these, but once you hit "the field" to practice and learn", you need to:
1) Have fun
2) Be social
3) Make connections
4) See if people meet your standards
1&2 are what we call "primary focus". You want to spend 50-65% of your thought process on doing this at first. After that, do 3&4, your secondary focus. You'll spend 25-30% of your mental energy here.
That leaves us with "tertiary focus" - This is where everything else goes. This is where your theory goes, this is where you analyze VAC and look for what you're missing. This is where you do compliance technique and work on logistics, among other things.
On a good day, only 5% of your thinking will have to be diverted into this. On a bad day, as much as 25% will be. But even on a logistical nightmare of a pickup, having fun, being social, making connections, and seeing if people meet your standards will consist of most of the effort you'll make.
Sebastian Drake
Whiplash adds:
"Jesus man, I couldn't of said it better myself.
This is the exact message that I try to tell all of the guys in my lair, but only a few people ever seem to listen, instead simply persuading MM or some ridiculous method that you really don't need.
Here is my thoughts on game, they are very similar to yours, but with a few revisions. My formula for success in game is:
Internal strength + Social skills + a strong sense of intent = success with women
I'd a say that a LOT of guys in this community did not originally come to it as a result of being like "Hey I want to be a pick up artist!" They joined because they were having problems socially, were depressed, broke up with their gf, or just wanted to meet a girl. The thing that a lot of them don't realize though is that you don't have to be a PUA to get hot girls.
The realization came to me one day when I started realizing that some AFCs would get some girls that I had tried for and they clearly had little to new game. This realization forced me to change my beliefs on game, and develop new ideas that could prove to have consistent results. What I was missing at that time were actually all 3 things I had listed in my formula. I acted like I had a lot of internal value, but deep down I didn't, and if you asked me to approach a girl without using some type of pre-scripted material I would have blown you off and said that it wouldn't work. The truth is that I didn't have enough internal value to believe that I could be myself and be successful with women. I see this problem over and over again whenever I meet new PUAs in the community. They create a PU persona in order to protect themselves from the rejection. If a girl rejects them it doesn't matter because it's low risk, a science experiment, and not inferring anything about them. In truth they are still terrified to approach a woman.
As for the other parts of the formula. When I started off I did not have a great deal of social competence and when I look back on it I know that girls can see instantly through it. They detect something is wrong. Along with this and the put on persona it creates a strong sense of incongruence that only a very socially savvy person can detect. Girls will see through you as transparent and odd, but will not see you as a genuine person. And no girl wants to sleep with someone that isn't genuine. I believe it is because they feel as if they are being used.
The intent is important as well because if you don't know what you want and strive for it then you will never come off as having real genuine interest in the person. All of your interest will be faked and once again become transparent. Strong intent along can guide you all the way to the bedroom. It's very profound meet a man who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to admit it and openly peruse it (thanks Shark!).
As far as the trolling around for women I agree 100%. They troll the waters looking for something to fill the empty gap in their life, but only result in becoming disillusioned and spiraling further down.
Back on the subject of not having to having to be a PUA to get beautiful women in your life. Several things you have to realize:
*Many times when you have really big social circles you will always have lots of beautiful women in your life. You get in trouble when you are in a very small social circle and you have a limited number of people of which to date. This is how people either wind up settling for someone less then what they want, or turning to the community. I always try to tell guys to first try the formula that I have listed and then if they have done that right to honestly ask themselves if they really need or even want to be a PUA except just for fun.
*The Pick up lifestyle is NOT for everyone. Some people like having a gf, or simply another type of setup. The PU lifestyle is fun for certain people, but tell everyone that this is the way you have to be is just ignorant. Let the players play, but don't force other people into it by telling them it's the only way to get the woman/women of their dreams.
I agree that simplicity is often times best and there are so many other things I could go on about in defense of your post, but I’ll save it since i'm starting to ramble.
One thing I disagree on though is your analogy of Hippie girls like hippie guys. I've dated a lot of girls in subcultures, and find that the only reason that they date the people in their subculture is because they feel as if they can relate to them better. The secret to understand is that if you have really good communication skills and a wide array of interests you can date girls in any subculture. It's all about learning to connect with people. Perhaps I misread your post, but this was my take.
Also I don't know if I am the only one, but I find it kind of funny that you say you have such a simple method but create such a huge post.
-Whiplash"
as seen on Fast Seduction
"So many men try to go out and prove they're 'players' now, not nerds any more.
"They don't realize that by going out and socializing, nobody's wondering if they're a nerd. They're wondering if they're a player... or something better."
-Vincent "Woodhaven" DiCarlo
Many men who were unpopular during their school years don't want to be seen as nerds any more. They want to be "players". The problem is, players aren't what women want to be with. They want to be with legitimate, genuinely cool people - who aren't exerting every ounce of energy into being cool people.
Two examples of this - Zeus in Washington, D.C. and Ace of Hearts in Tokyo. You've likely never heard of either of these guys, even though they're two of the best in the "seduction community". It's because they're too busy living play-it-the-bone awesome lives to get caught up in trying to play.
I've had the pleasure and blessing to spend time with some of the greatest people in this entire world, including master pickup artists. And you know what? We don't talk about pickup more than 5% of the time. Zeus and I talked about tea and travel last we got to talk. The first time I met Ace of Hearts, he and I talked about beer, comedy, and cards.
These guys are both top-notch players. They get women, both in quantity and quality. But they don't think of themselves as players.
Woodhaven's hierachy goes something like this:
Nerd
Average guy
Player
Ex-player
Genuine guy
By being out in a social place, meeting people and making connections, NO ONE is wondering "Is this guy a nerd?" They're trying to figure out "Is this guy a player... or something more?" By doing playerish things, you're actually communicating you're the one of the lower ranks on the social rungs. Men who were "players when they were younger but grew out of it" are more widely liked and respected then men trying to play. And the most widely respected of all is the man who never tries to be cool, the one who transcends the "game" so to speak.
LO-TECH SOLUTIONS FOR SMART PEOPLE
"If you can get the same results with a simpler system, it means it's better technology."
-FB, 1/15/06, New York City
And so Lo-Tech was born. The desire and necessity for simple, easy-to-apply social solutions had not been made clear to me until a student in New York City had impressed this upon me. If you can get the same results in an easier, simple system - It's better technology.
"For me, there's no choice... I want to get results without complicated stuff."
-J, 1/30/06, Boston
Some of the most powerful and mesmerizing "pickup techniques" are deathly simple. Profoundly so.
Until the last two years, these techniques had largely been looked down in the seduction community. The reason is that prior to 2004, the community had been largely populated by guys who were striving not to be nerds.
Occasionally a "natural" would show up. Someone like Steve "Toecutter" Celeste. And he'd share simple, practical, highly effective things on how to get women, backed up by solid intellectual debate. People like Steve would make an impact but as they began to post less, they'd be forgotten. They didn't attract cultlike followings like many people espousing very complicated formulae.
This began to shift over two major events. The first was a series of scandals, lawsuits, and patterns of forgery being exposed in a couple of the west coast schools of seduction. It left people disenchanted and looking for something else. Some more wholistic schools were then embraced, including Natural Game which I was proud to be a part of, and other steps forward like the direct movement.
So what is Lo-Tech?
It's simple technology that's easy to understand, not glamorous on paper, and achives massive successful results out in the social arena.
HIGH-TECH'S PLACE IN THE WORLD
High-tech solutions are not only useful but necessary as well. Before I teach a single lo-tech solution, I begin by outling attraction in a scientific way. Here's the Cliff Notes:
Attraction is a result of a combination of "VAC" -
Value + Attainability + Compliance
Value: Value is value for a person's life. There is something that a person wants in an item that makes it valuable to them. In the case of an automobile, it'd be valuable as transportation, for its comfort, and also for its show of status. Sometimes value is consciously recognized, sometimes it fills a subconscious need.
Attainability: Attainability is the belief, conscious or subconscious, that you can have something. When I speak to a room of 30+ people, I get the pleasure to do something a little bit nefarious. I ask, "Who in this room has ever been seriously attracted to the idea of owning a yacht?" Usually 2-3 people will raise their hands. I get to then put them on the spot and make them blush with, "And all of you make a pretty good income, don't you?" Sheepish nods all around.
People will not become attracted to something they can't have. It's a defense mechanism. They might appreciate it or enjoy it, but they won't pine after it the way they would something they can have. While a yacht would have value for almost any man - It represents power, freedom, luxury, and fun, as well as opening up a whole set of possible adventures - Only men that have at least an outside shot of owning a yacht will become seriously attracted to the idea.
Compliance: Formerly termed "work" or "effort" in early renditions of the VAC Model of Attraction, compliance goes beyond that. It includes active work or effort put into an ordeal, but also includes accepting things that you don't necessarily like to the end of having something.
Compliance is ruled by the Cost-Worth Conception. This says that people will attribute the worth of something to how much is charged for it. While arguably a flawed way of thinking, it goes a long way to explaining human behavior. The example I use to illustrate this when instructing is a game at a carnival or an amusement park. It'll cost you $5 to $10 to win a small, stuffed tiger from a game at a carnival, as well as some luck and skill. And after you do, how thrilled will you be? You'll likely smile and put it on a shelf as a trophy.
What if that stuffed tiger had been given away for free on the street as a promotion for Frosted Flakes? Would you have taken it? Likely not. If it was forced upon you, you might've thrown it away immediately in the nearest trash can.
VALUE - WHERE IT ALL STARTS
"Prior to the workshop, I understood the concept [that I already had value] intellectually, but that didn't make it true for ME. The fact is, in my reality, I saw myself as a below-average looking guy of low value and the goal was to somehow obscure that fact from women via the use of techniques. The idea of having to actually let it be known I'm attainable so as to not intimidate girls never entered my mind."
-"The Parametric Epiphany", Parametric
"I'm calling this "The Parametric Epiphany." Nice ring to it eh? Sounds like the title of a life changing event.
"I had the privilege of being in the room and seeing Parametric's reaction to Seb and Vin's correction of this false and limiting belief. Even cooler, I observed firsthand his comfort and smoothness while chatting up that hottie latina (she was quite a looker with a megawatt smile). It definitely *wasn't* the vibe of someone who's wondering meekly "Does this girl like me?" but of a cool and confident guy."
-Zodiac
While many techniques in seduction at-large focus on the building of value, rarely if ever has value been codified and explained. Here is how we do it:
Value: In regards to meeting new women, value comes down to "value for her life". That is, something could be valuable in general but not specifically to her - In which case, it is not value for her life, and you don't have value for her.
VALUE IS ALL ABOUT PERCEPTION. An internally confident person who has a nervous tick may not appear to confident. Likewise, if you're very nervous but have all the nonverbal communication of a confident person, people will believe you to be confident.
The two kinds of value we focus on are:
Universal Value: These are characteristics that would be attractive to some degree to all* women, and not unattractive to any. These include confidence, charisma, leadership, health, and ambition. There's theoretically an infinite number of universally valuable traits, but if you're aware of the major ones then you'll cover the minor ones.
Specific Value: These are traits that would turn some women on, but others off. Two examples on opposite ends of the spectrum: A "dangerous" guy would be attractive to certain kinds of women, usually younger women who are slightly bored or rebellious. At the same time, danger would be a turnoff to most women looking to put together a stable household and settle down and have children. On the other hand, a man with lots of stability who is risk-adverse might be a turn-off to younger party girls, but would appeal more to women looking for a stable father type.
The answer is to develop (or at least develop the appearance) of as much universal value as possible. Since confidence is universally valuable, you want to sit and stand like a confident person (body language). You want to move like a confident person (appear unrushed, fluidity in motion), speak like a confident person (legatto tonality, pauses for emphasis), and make eye contact like a confident person (bridge of the nose, look "through" the other person so your perepheral vision kicks in).
All those little techniques listed in parenthesis will make you appear more confident. And perhaps the best part of all is - After you practice them enough, they become subconscious and you do them automatically. Combined with improved thought patterns (especially Focus) you actually become a more confident person.
"Have you ever noticed that there's something strange about a lot of sargers [sarge: verb, 'to attempt to pick up women']? It's as if you look at a guy, and you can just TELL that something is missing. And some of these guys even do amazing in the field. They get great reactions most of the time... but, at the same time, they NEVER seem to have a girlfriend.
Most of the guys I know are like this. And there are a few reasons why: First, it goes back to one of my cardinal rules: The best way to sarge is to have something BETTER to do than to sarge."
-Neil "Style" Strauss, Introduction to "Are you becoming a Social Robot?
Style says it well: Universal Value isn't just your precise communication skills. It's all the skills you have. One type of UV is Health: Learning "pickup" won't improve your health, but health is universally valuable.
That's scary to some people who don't want to be healthy. I understand that. And the fact is, you can get away with being poorly dressed and unhealthy if you have enough in the way of other universal and specific value. But, by making simple changes like consuming less simple carbohydrates in favor of complex carbs (switch from white to wheat breads, cut down on soda and pastries and sugar), drinking more water, and eating less deep-fried food, you'll have more energy, a better complexion, and a better physique. This does improve your "game", just like more confidence does.
The reason why? Health is universally valuable. Just like confident, charisma, humor, quick wit, leadership, decisiveness, indifference to arbitrary social norms, emotional steadfastness, intelligence, culture, worldliness, creativity, desire to reproduce, popularity, self-esteem, grooming, survival instincts, quick reflexes, and ambition. Composite traits are conditions that exist that indicate some of this universal value. "Good body language" is universally valuable, because it shows the appearance of health, confidence, and self-esteem. Power is generally the result of ambition, leadership, and decisiveness (among other things).
When Vincent and I wrote the most complete list of universal value that we could over the course of two weeks, we found that roughly half of the traits on the list can be improved through learning "pickup" and seduction skills. The other half, things like creativity, ambition, health, quick reflexes, and so on can be improved, but are done so outside of pickup contexts. Things like martial arts (or any combat sport), nutrition, travelling, and learning about art make you more valuable as a person as well.
You want as much Universal Value as you can get. It'll make you into a better, more productive, happier person - that gets better social results as well.
Specifically Valuable Traits are things that would turn one woman on, but another woman off. The trade-off is well-worth it if you cultivate the right traits - The kind of women you like will be very interested in you, the kinds of women you don't like will be less interested.
If you don't know what you want, or you want variety, then you should stick to universal value (which everyone should maximize). If you do have a strong preference, then we're talking. If you have a strong preference for a type of woman, you can cultivate traits about yourself that lend to your getting that type of woman.
Sometimes this is "like gets like". Hippy girls like hippy guys. Punker girls like punk guys. And so on through most countercultures. On the flip side, sometimes it's an opposites thing. Submissive women like dominant men.
You can also see cultural patterns. Women like different things in Barcelona than they do in Chengdu. London and Krakow are quite different. So is Mazatlan and New York City. So if you like certain ethnicities of women, speak to someone knowledgeable about the culture who has solid social skills, or talk to a type of man that's very interested in variety, who will often understand that a girl from Trinidad will react to different specifically valuable traits than a girl from Seoul.
THE POWER OF FOCUS
You may have noticed something in common with all men who get lots of women from nightclubs.
It's not that they're all good looking.
It's not that they're all wealthy.
It's not that they're all mean, or nice, or any specific behavior pattern.
They say different things.
They do different things.
But they've all got one thing in common.
"My girls would be in VIP and I'd go down to the floor and if a guy was just having fun and wasn't trying to holler, I'd let him go up and let my girls see if they liked him."
-Dan "Spirit Fingers" R.'s girlfriend, Club Promoter and Bartender
Focus is quintessential Lo-Tech. Focus is a concept that's so simple on the surface that two years ago, it would have been shunned by socially awkward people. In the last two years, there's been an evolution in this area of social science. The TNG movement combined with the publication of The Game has more cool people than ever in the seduction community, and they're demanding technique that works - especially if it should be obvious.
The fact of the matter is, cool guys who get women go out and do two things better than everyone else -
1) They have fun.
2) They socialize.
The first two focuses we prescribe are none other than Have Fun and Be Social.
The reason why -
Have you ever been driving your car, had the radio on, and been either eating or talking on your cell phone? Humans have this amazing ability to multitask, and many people continually are surprised at what people can do with the "back of our minds". After you learn concepts like Universal Value and Situational Relevance (which is simply choosing things appropriate for the current moment in conversation, including "opening") then it's time to work on those skills.
The problem becomes when your primary focus is to "do sets" or "do approaches". The reason is you'll run into the problem that every pickup artist, from Razorjack to Craig to Tyler to Woodhaven to everyone else has sworn is social suicide - The "Hunter Vibe".
It's when you look around a club for a "hot babe" to approach, ignoring everyone else around you. Or sit on the wall and get drunk if there aren't any hot enough girls there, jumping into action if any walk in the door.
The problem with this is that these behaviors are indicative of "low value" (the lack of, and/or opposite of universally valuable traits). These scream "player".
Cool people are cool because they're always having fun and socializing with everyone around them. So the first question you should always ask yourself is this - "Am I having fun?" If you are not, begin having fun before moving on to the next step. If you like to drink, it's okay to have a drink or two. If you like to dance, go dance. If you like to shoot pool, have a game of 8-Ball before you go do your "approaches" if you like.
If you aren't having fun and don't have any immediate solution you know will make you have fun, start doing crazy, playful things. 75% of the early part of archive is just me doing silly stuff and laying girls. I'd "open" by taking off a girl's shades and putting them on, swatting her with my umbrella, or throwing a piece of ice at her. These aren't good technique per se - but they can jump start the fun you're having.
One fun exercise we do on workshop now, that you can try with your friends, wingmen, or local lair - Have everyone write one decent opener down that they invented, and throw it in a hat. Everyone draws from the hat and uses it at least once or twice that night.
We had a student use one such opener, that was really just crazy and ridiculous. He walked up to two girls at the bar, waved his arms around, and yelled, "It's SAUSAGE TIME!!!!"
Did it open?
...
...
...
Yes.
More importantly, it got him having fun. The fact of the matter is: People avoid people that are miserable in bars and nightclubs. People want to meet others who are having a great time and being social.
As for socializing - You MUST talk to everyone. Cool guys, uncool guys, cute girls, ugly girls. Young and old. Fashionable and not. Doing so will get you in the right, talkative frame of mind and will help you have fun. For all the pragmatists out there, it also generates what Professor Cialdini calls "social proof" - It shows people liking you and having fun interacting with you. It also has added benefits. Sometimes you'll get in for free to places with cover charges, you can get in with managers to get special access like VIP, and perhaps my favorite of all - Getting in with bouncers so if anyone gets rowdy later and starts trouble with you or yours, you simply have them removed with a wave of your hand (much better to be fun and socialize with the troublemaker and turn him or her into a friend, but good to have the option!)
Those are the first two focuses we prescribe. They should take up 50-65% of your conscious thought. You should constantly be having fun and meeting as many people as you can. Handclasp people, pat guys on the back, give girls kisses on the cheeks and get them back. Meet everyone, have a blast doing so. If you're having a bad time, give yourself a liscense to be silly and get yourself feeling lighthearted again.
Secondary focus: Your secondary focus is what you think about after you've started having a good time and socializing. This is where you:
3) Make connections.
4) See if people meet your standards.
Make connections - Try to relate to people and build people up. Confident, social people make people around them better. They engage in what we call "high value attainability" - This is letting other people know they're good enough to spend time with them, and that they're liked. Find common ground.
Then see if people meet your standards, instead of the other way around. Never try to impress people. If you work on universal value in your everyday life (becoming more expressive and interesting, learning communications and speaking skills, grooming yourself better, building self-confidence, doing new and interesting things and so on and so forth) and then you're able to have a lot of fun and be very social anywhere - You've got value.
After that, you need to see if people meet your standards. Size them up, see if they'd be fun to be friends with or suitable as a potential girlfriend, and so on. The process of doing so will communicate good things about you - That you have value, to be specific. Having standards suggests you have options - Which means you've got value.
Your secondary focuses should take up 25-30% of your thought processes.
So again, the steps for successful pickup:
*) Learn and better yourself as much as possible, including building universal value as much as possible for yourself. This includes everything that can be learned from the disciplines of communications, psychology, sociology, biology, economics, marketing, and so on. Those are where most of the applied social skills from seduction come from.
After that, you'll know a lot of theory and a lot of techniques. It's good to study and learn these, but once you hit "the field" to practice and learn", you need to:
1) Have fun
2) Be social
3) Make connections
4) See if people meet your standards
1&2 are what we call "primary focus". You want to spend 50-65% of your thought process on doing this at first. After that, do 3&4, your secondary focus. You'll spend 25-30% of your mental energy here.
That leaves us with "tertiary focus" - This is where everything else goes. This is where your theory goes, this is where you analyze VAC and look for what you're missing. This is where you do compliance technique and work on logistics, among other things.
On a good day, only 5% of your thinking will have to be diverted into this. On a bad day, as much as 25% will be. But even on a logistical nightmare of a pickup, having fun, being social, making connections, and seeing if people meet your standards will consist of most of the effort you'll make.
Sebastian Drake
Whiplash adds:
"Jesus man, I couldn't of said it better myself.
This is the exact message that I try to tell all of the guys in my lair, but only a few people ever seem to listen, instead simply persuading MM or some ridiculous method that you really don't need.
Here is my thoughts on game, they are very similar to yours, but with a few revisions. My formula for success in game is:
Internal strength + Social skills + a strong sense of intent = success with women
I'd a say that a LOT of guys in this community did not originally come to it as a result of being like "Hey I want to be a pick up artist!" They joined because they were having problems socially, were depressed, broke up with their gf, or just wanted to meet a girl. The thing that a lot of them don't realize though is that you don't have to be a PUA to get hot girls.
The realization came to me one day when I started realizing that some AFCs would get some girls that I had tried for and they clearly had little to new game. This realization forced me to change my beliefs on game, and develop new ideas that could prove to have consistent results. What I was missing at that time were actually all 3 things I had listed in my formula. I acted like I had a lot of internal value, but deep down I didn't, and if you asked me to approach a girl without using some type of pre-scripted material I would have blown you off and said that it wouldn't work. The truth is that I didn't have enough internal value to believe that I could be myself and be successful with women. I see this problem over and over again whenever I meet new PUAs in the community. They create a PU persona in order to protect themselves from the rejection. If a girl rejects them it doesn't matter because it's low risk, a science experiment, and not inferring anything about them. In truth they are still terrified to approach a woman.
As for the other parts of the formula. When I started off I did not have a great deal of social competence and when I look back on it I know that girls can see instantly through it. They detect something is wrong. Along with this and the put on persona it creates a strong sense of incongruence that only a very socially savvy person can detect. Girls will see through you as transparent and odd, but will not see you as a genuine person. And no girl wants to sleep with someone that isn't genuine. I believe it is because they feel as if they are being used.
The intent is important as well because if you don't know what you want and strive for it then you will never come off as having real genuine interest in the person. All of your interest will be faked and once again become transparent. Strong intent along can guide you all the way to the bedroom. It's very profound meet a man who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to admit it and openly peruse it (thanks Shark!).
As far as the trolling around for women I agree 100%. They troll the waters looking for something to fill the empty gap in their life, but only result in becoming disillusioned and spiraling further down.
Back on the subject of not having to having to be a PUA to get beautiful women in your life. Several things you have to realize:
*Many times when you have really big social circles you will always have lots of beautiful women in your life. You get in trouble when you are in a very small social circle and you have a limited number of people of which to date. This is how people either wind up settling for someone less then what they want, or turning to the community. I always try to tell guys to first try the formula that I have listed and then if they have done that right to honestly ask themselves if they really need or even want to be a PUA except just for fun.
*The Pick up lifestyle is NOT for everyone. Some people like having a gf, or simply another type of setup. The PU lifestyle is fun for certain people, but tell everyone that this is the way you have to be is just ignorant. Let the players play, but don't force other people into it by telling them it's the only way to get the woman/women of their dreams.
I agree that simplicity is often times best and there are so many other things I could go on about in defense of your post, but I’ll save it since i'm starting to ramble.
One thing I disagree on though is your analogy of Hippie girls like hippie guys. I've dated a lot of girls in subcultures, and find that the only reason that they date the people in their subculture is because they feel as if they can relate to them better. The secret to understand is that if you have really good communication skills and a wide array of interests you can date girls in any subculture. It's all about learning to connect with people. Perhaps I misread your post, but this was my take.
Also I don't know if I am the only one, but I find it kind of funny that you say you have such a simple method but create such a huge post.
-Whiplash"
as seen on Fast Seduction
08 Februar 2006
MindTech: My recipe for a total brainwashing
For the past months I've been on a self-improvement journey. Not just with women, but life in general. So I started to actually try the things out...hey...who would have known that only reading/listening wouldn't help? :-) I always read a lot of self-help/seduction stuff but rarely did anything, and when I did I quickly quit after a couple of weeks. So I decided to STICK TO IT! I choosed one thing and I would stick for a time limit of at least two months, if after that I didn't saw any results then I would drop it and change for another.
As inner game is concerned I'm almost at the point I want to be. I can now atract more women than before, but that isn't enough; I want more, so after my exams I'm going out daily meet more women until I reach my goal.
It was a huge progress this last few months in all areas of my life, so I decided to write out what I've been doing to accomplish this change. Maybe it can help someone else here.
I discovered this is like bodybuilding: if you try only one thing (like a dieting, supplementation, new training schedule, etc) you probablyl notice some minor gains, but it's when you combine all those "small things" that you'll notice the most gains. Here it works the same way...you can hear to hypnotism daily and notice some results, but if you really want to change your whole way of thinking that is not enough (in my experience at least).
You might not agree with all the things I write below, but these are the things that worked for me, try them out for yourself; if some don't work, change for another, you've got plenty to choose from in this fabulous torrent site...build your own recipe.
So without further delay, here's MY recipe to totally brainwash yourself:
- Hypnosis - 1x or 2x a day
This was probably the first thing I tried. I've been using it for months. I found out that to get the best results you need to listen the same audio for at least 2/3 months. Right now, I've been using Glenn Harrold "Develop your self-confidence", most of the times is 2x a day (since it has two files). I wake up 30m earlier, take a bath and have breakfast (to really wake up and don't asleep again), then listen to the audio. Then again at night.
Glenn Harrold works very good for me, my advice is download a bunch of them try out all of them during a week, then stick with what you liked best for 3 months. After 3 months I change for another.
- Sleep Hypnosis
I edited the third CD of Erick Kand Self-Confidence hypnosis audio to get only the affirmations part (without the induction and the wake up), then I burned it into a cd and listen it during the whole night (click the repeat button). The secret is having the volume low but still audible. You'll get used to it in only a couple of nights. I can share my edited audio file if you want, just ask me.
- Will power and self-discipline
Since this was something that I was lacking, I started doing the exercices of Remez Sasson book and I'm extremely happy the way they are working. Some of them are really boring to do, but that's the whole point. Download the book and see for yourself.
The best thing about this is that you can do the exercices in your normal routine, you don't have to get a specific time for this (on most of the exercices anyway).
It greatly improved my will power to stick to things I started...before, I wouldn't finish them.
- Magick/Huna/Chaos Magick
This is a great tool! Probably one of the best I tried. Any kind of these magick systems are designed to help you control your reality. Personally I use Huna, but any kind of magick system will work just as good. If you never read anything before try out "Kahuna Reality Control", or the first book of the Franz Bardon trilogy, or something along the lines of Chaos Magick.
One "side effect" of learning and practicing a magickal system is the development of your charisma. I'm not the first person to notice this, I have two friends who noticed exactly the same thing (they are only doing the magickal exercices, not anything else on this list).
- Keep your information intake under control
What I mean by this is that, except your job requires it, stop watching the news, stop watching tv, stop listening to AFC music (let's say romantic songs, songs that make you depressed, etc). For keeping informed subscribe to a free RSS newscast such as the NY Times. Read only what interest you. When you watch the tv news you spend almost an hour a day with an intake of negative shit (taxes raises, riot on venezuela, 300 people died on a plane crash, etc).
Same thing for the music you listen too. In my car I only have cd's of music that makes me feel good! No depressing lyrics, just stuff to keep my spirit up! If you don't have a car, get a cheap mp3 player and put the songs there.
Whatever you can control about the information you absorb (both visually and auditory), do it! It's already enough the ones that are out of our control.
- Affirmations
I don't like wasting time in front of the mirror and saying those affirmations, to me, it feels well..."fake"...so, I have a few post-it spread around the house with them (althought I take them out when I have guests LOL). I've also downloaded the 3-m software with PC post-its for your desktop and fill it with affirmations and inspiring quotes.
- Idle time
Stop doing shit that doesn't contribute anything to your development, like playing video games, watching tv like a zombie, spending countless hours on MSN, etc. Sure it's ok once in a while to just "do nothing" but don't let this turn into an habit. Same thing for MSN or IRC...be online for a while to chat with your friends, but don't let this turn into an addiction and be like those people who are always online. Ditto for posting in forums
Instead of just hang around doing nothing, go work on yourself, or read a good novel for a change.
- Goals
Keep goals in every area of your life. Nothing new here, but I figure I have to mention it.
Read any self-help book to help you making your goals (tony robbins, jim rohn, etc). Writing the
goals is not enough, keep a plan on how you will achieve those goals.
A magick system will help imprinting those goals into your subconscious mind in order to achieve them.
- "Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose"
Yes, I took if from Star wars
It made a lot of sense to me. Whatever you think you are attached to, train yourself to let it go. If you think you can't live without your computer, try unplugging it for a week. Or you car, instead take the public transportation for a month. Can't live without your girlfriend? Say to her that you need some time for yourself. You are afraid of rejection? go out a few times with the sole purpose of getting rejected (obviously I can't reccomend doing it all the time, just a couple of times to see there's nothing to be afraid of). This way if your computer breaks down you won't go jump up and down in anger; and if you are willing to walk away from any relationship at any given moment you won't put up with any shit.
When you want to get over a fear, you need to confront it.
Remember, it's only after you let go of that fear of losing something that you are free to do anything.
- 1 day retreat
Try to have at least one day once in a while to work solely on yourself. Spend the whole day on meditations, exercices, hypnosis, etc. Doesn't need to be too often, just whenever you have a free sunday...maybe once in a couple of months. It makes a big difference.
- Body Expression
Learn Yoga/any kind of dance/mimic/theater/whatever...just do something to improve the expression of your body. You'll be much more relaxed, much more expressive, and more coordination between movements.
- Diet and Exercice
Nothing new, we all know it's good for you. No need to go overboard with this, just do enough exercice for a healthy lifestyle, like 3x to 4x a week.
Eat well: ever heard: "you are what you eat"? Just control your food intake, keep a balanced diet.
Sleep well: your head and body will appreciate it.
Supplementation: I take a cheap Multi-vitamin and Omega-3 fish oil to help me concentrate. I heard about Omega-3 on a BBC documentary and I've been taking it ever since.
That's it! Pretty much what I've been doing. If you ask me again in a few months, this "recipe" has probably changed. Until then I've evolved, maybe I no longer need some of the exercices, maybe I need another for a different goal.
Use what works, drop what doesn't. If you no longer need one thing, drop it... evolve to a different thing. Nothing is written in stone.
Now...join this with field work and you will be unstoppable
As inner game is concerned I'm almost at the point I want to be. I can now atract more women than before, but that isn't enough; I want more, so after my exams I'm going out daily meet more women until I reach my goal.
It was a huge progress this last few months in all areas of my life, so I decided to write out what I've been doing to accomplish this change. Maybe it can help someone else here.
I discovered this is like bodybuilding: if you try only one thing (like a dieting, supplementation, new training schedule, etc) you probablyl notice some minor gains, but it's when you combine all those "small things" that you'll notice the most gains. Here it works the same way...you can hear to hypnotism daily and notice some results, but if you really want to change your whole way of thinking that is not enough (in my experience at least).
You might not agree with all the things I write below, but these are the things that worked for me, try them out for yourself; if some don't work, change for another, you've got plenty to choose from in this fabulous torrent site...build your own recipe.
So without further delay, here's MY recipe to totally brainwash yourself:
- Hypnosis - 1x or 2x a day
This was probably the first thing I tried. I've been using it for months. I found out that to get the best results you need to listen the same audio for at least 2/3 months. Right now, I've been using Glenn Harrold "Develop your self-confidence", most of the times is 2x a day (since it has two files). I wake up 30m earlier, take a bath and have breakfast (to really wake up and don't asleep again), then listen to the audio. Then again at night.
Glenn Harrold works very good for me, my advice is download a bunch of them try out all of them during a week, then stick with what you liked best for 3 months. After 3 months I change for another.
- Sleep Hypnosis
I edited the third CD of Erick Kand Self-Confidence hypnosis audio to get only the affirmations part (without the induction and the wake up), then I burned it into a cd and listen it during the whole night (click the repeat button). The secret is having the volume low but still audible. You'll get used to it in only a couple of nights. I can share my edited audio file if you want, just ask me.
- Will power and self-discipline
Since this was something that I was lacking, I started doing the exercices of Remez Sasson book and I'm extremely happy the way they are working. Some of them are really boring to do, but that's the whole point. Download the book and see for yourself.
The best thing about this is that you can do the exercices in your normal routine, you don't have to get a specific time for this (on most of the exercices anyway).
It greatly improved my will power to stick to things I started...before, I wouldn't finish them.
- Magick/Huna/Chaos Magick
This is a great tool! Probably one of the best I tried. Any kind of these magick systems are designed to help you control your reality. Personally I use Huna, but any kind of magick system will work just as good. If you never read anything before try out "Kahuna Reality Control", or the first book of the Franz Bardon trilogy, or something along the lines of Chaos Magick.
One "side effect" of learning and practicing a magickal system is the development of your charisma. I'm not the first person to notice this, I have two friends who noticed exactly the same thing (they are only doing the magickal exercices, not anything else on this list).
- Keep your information intake under control
What I mean by this is that, except your job requires it, stop watching the news, stop watching tv, stop listening to AFC music (let's say romantic songs, songs that make you depressed, etc). For keeping informed subscribe to a free RSS newscast such as the NY Times. Read only what interest you. When you watch the tv news you spend almost an hour a day with an intake of negative shit (taxes raises, riot on venezuela, 300 people died on a plane crash, etc).
Same thing for the music you listen too. In my car I only have cd's of music that makes me feel good! No depressing lyrics, just stuff to keep my spirit up! If you don't have a car, get a cheap mp3 player and put the songs there.
Whatever you can control about the information you absorb (both visually and auditory), do it! It's already enough the ones that are out of our control.
- Affirmations
I don't like wasting time in front of the mirror and saying those affirmations, to me, it feels well..."fake"...so, I have a few post-it spread around the house with them (althought I take them out when I have guests LOL). I've also downloaded the 3-m software with PC post-its for your desktop and fill it with affirmations and inspiring quotes.
- Idle time
Stop doing shit that doesn't contribute anything to your development, like playing video games, watching tv like a zombie, spending countless hours on MSN, etc. Sure it's ok once in a while to just "do nothing" but don't let this turn into an habit. Same thing for MSN or IRC...be online for a while to chat with your friends, but don't let this turn into an addiction and be like those people who are always online. Ditto for posting in forums
Instead of just hang around doing nothing, go work on yourself, or read a good novel for a change.
- Goals
Keep goals in every area of your life. Nothing new here, but I figure I have to mention it.
Read any self-help book to help you making your goals (tony robbins, jim rohn, etc). Writing the
goals is not enough, keep a plan on how you will achieve those goals.
A magick system will help imprinting those goals into your subconscious mind in order to achieve them.
- "Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose"
Yes, I took if from Star wars
It made a lot of sense to me. Whatever you think you are attached to, train yourself to let it go. If you think you can't live without your computer, try unplugging it for a week. Or you car, instead take the public transportation for a month. Can't live without your girlfriend? Say to her that you need some time for yourself. You are afraid of rejection? go out a few times with the sole purpose of getting rejected (obviously I can't reccomend doing it all the time, just a couple of times to see there's nothing to be afraid of). This way if your computer breaks down you won't go jump up and down in anger; and if you are willing to walk away from any relationship at any given moment you won't put up with any shit.
When you want to get over a fear, you need to confront it.
Remember, it's only after you let go of that fear of losing something that you are free to do anything.
- 1 day retreat
Try to have at least one day once in a while to work solely on yourself. Spend the whole day on meditations, exercices, hypnosis, etc. Doesn't need to be too often, just whenever you have a free sunday...maybe once in a couple of months. It makes a big difference.
- Body Expression
Learn Yoga/any kind of dance/mimic/theater/whatever...just do something to improve the expression of your body. You'll be much more relaxed, much more expressive, and more coordination between movements.
- Diet and Exercice
Nothing new, we all know it's good for you. No need to go overboard with this, just do enough exercice for a healthy lifestyle, like 3x to 4x a week.
Eat well: ever heard: "you are what you eat"? Just control your food intake, keep a balanced diet.
Sleep well: your head and body will appreciate it.
Supplementation: I take a cheap Multi-vitamin and Omega-3 fish oil to help me concentrate. I heard about Omega-3 on a BBC documentary and I've been taking it ever since.
That's it! Pretty much what I've been doing. If you ask me again in a few months, this "recipe" has probably changed. Until then I've evolved, maybe I no longer need some of the exercices, maybe I need another for a different goal.
Use what works, drop what doesn't. If you no longer need one thing, drop it... evolve to a different thing. Nothing is written in stone.
Now...join this with field work and you will be unstoppable
22 Januar 2006
Raaf: The definitive post on INNER GAME
A couple people wanted me to write this up, so here it is.
Table of Contents
-My story
-Figure out who you are
-Figure out what kind of value you need to provide
-There are no problems, only opportunities
-No more negativity
-Avoid negative language
-Have FUN
-Have a large support group
-Stop caring what people think of you
-Never react emotionally to anything
-Eliminate all sense of entitlement that you have
-Lower your standards
-Stop coming to bullshit conclusions
-Your homework
My Story
If you don’t care about my story, then skip this section.
I discovered mASF when I was 19. I’m 22 now. So it’s been a little over three years for me. At the time, I was a virgin and had never even kissed a girl. I didn’t makeout with my first girl until I was a sophomore in college.
Make a long story short, I lost my virginity at age 20 and it was a HUGE weight that was lifted off of my shoulder.
When I first discovered ASF, I really had no concept of how clueless I actually was when it comes to women. I always considered myself to have a good personality and that I was fun to be around. I’m sure lots of people see themselves this way.
The reality though is that my personality was not very good. Take a look around your reality right now. Got a lot of friends? Got any women in your life? If not, then either your personality isn’t where it should be or you don’t actively try and network well enough.
I was always a negative person, a pessimist. Some of these people consider themselves “realists” but it doesn’t really matter what you call it, because the reality is that if you want to be successful in life and with women, you need to surpress all the urges that you have to be negative or complain about anything. It’s just a fucking downer. Nobody likes being around people like that. If you are one of these people, keep reading.
Ever since I was young, I always thought that I should have been better with women. My personality was a bit above average and my looks are average, yet for some reason I saw guys getting women that I considered less deserving than I was.
What I never realized about myself was that I was a geek. I was just a much cooler geek than most geeks. I used to love to play video games and play with THINGS. I still do these things occassionally, but to be totally honest, they now bore me. The reason is that they are nowhere near as fun as interacting with new people. If you are one of these people, you need to shift your interest from THINGS to PEOPLE.
When you get good with women and people in general, conversations become lots of fun. It can be a real adrenaline rush that cannot be rivaled by any video game.
After I lost my virginity, I went through periods of loving ASF and then convincing myself that ASF was all bullshit. If you are a beginner, resist this temptation. The theories on this website are VERY real. What is making it not work is your EXECUTION of them, NOT the ideas.
The rest of my story is largely unwritten. After losing my virginity, I continued to have sporadic successes with women, but I never wanted to lower my standards because I thought that I deserved better women. If I had lowered my standards years ago, I would have gotten much better much quicker, and I’ll explain why later in this post.
I was hooking up with a few girls a year when I was twenty and twenty one. Certainly nothing to brag about.
When I hit 22, I successfully hooked up with more girls in a year (and still going by the way) then I had for the rest of my entire life. In the last month and a half, I have been with 9 new girls or so. All of a sudden everything has gotten ridiculously easy for me.
Let me explain how I got there and how you can get there as quickly as possible while avoiding all the mistakes that costed me lots of time and frustration.
WARNING!
This process will NOT be easy for most of you! It took me a few years to transform myself from a very large loser into a massive stud. Where it all begins is inner game. Without it, you are GARBAGE at PU, I don’t care what anybody says.
STEP #1
Figure out who you are. And no, I don’t mean thinking abstractly about who you are. Take a look at your life and ask yourself if you are where you want to be, but more importantly if you are GETTING where you want to be (i.e. are you having a string of successes that are slowly leading you to where you ideally want to be?).
Figure out what kind of person you are. Are you a geek? Be honest with yourself. Get feedback from the people in your life. Find out WHY people are friends with you. If they are friends with you, there must be some value that you provide to them.
Be willing to accept the fact that you might only be their friend because they are DESPERATE for friends. It’s a reality that you need to be aware of.
Once you have roughly figured out who you are and what value you provide to people, you are ready for step #2.
STEP #2
Figure out what kind of value you WANT to provide to people (and also what kind of value you NEED to provide to some people). This isn’t as difficult as it sounds. All you need to PU some girls is to have a high SEXUAL value to her. You need to be a man that turns her on and leads her to a place where the two of you can have sex.
Of course not all girls are like this. Some require more than just a high sexual value.
Think about what kind of value you would need to provide to guys to make them want to be your friend.
Some examples:
If you want to be friends with a depressed person (you shouldn’t want this btw), then the value you need to provide to them is to be non-judgemental and understanding. You need to listen to their problems. Being able to cheer them up would help too.
If you want to be friends with AFC’s, then you could provide social value and opportunities for them to get laid. You could invite them to parties that you host and invite them to your female friends.
If you want to be friends with HIGH VALUE people like PUA’s and quality women, then you typically need to be high value enough yourself that they can respect you. If you find a nice PUA who likes your attitude and doesn’t mind having an apprentice, then you might get lucky and get to hang out with him.
The bottom line is that you need to figure out what type of value that you need to provide for people, and then actively work on developing that part of your personality until you are a person that naturally radiates those qualities.
Read that last sentence again.
How to accomplish this is what the rest of this post is all about.
THE GOLDEN RULE: THERE ARE NO PROBLEMS, ONLY OPPORTUNITIES! (explanation below)
RULE #1
NO NEGATIVITY, EVER AGAIN FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
Negativity has a way of poisoning the way you THINK. It’s roots travel directly into your brain. If you think ANYTHING negative throughout the course of the day, then you are not yet where you need to be to be a successful PUA.
Most people do not think that they are negative people. It has become such a large part of who they are that they literally don’t even NOTICE that they are being negative.
Here is how I want you to eliminate negativity in your life:
Carry a small notepad around with you everywhere you go. Anytime you have ANY type of negative thought, write it down.
THEN, think of a way that you can mentally re-frame this thought into a positive or atleast a neutral thought.
Some examples of little annoyances that can piss people off and fuck your state up:
Problem: You drive up to the gas station, get out of the car, try and pump your gas and realize that the pump isn’t working.
Solution: Resist all temptation to get aggravated and drive up to the next pump.
Problem: The cashier at the supermarket is slow as hell and is taking forever.
Solution: Go in someone else’s line or just suck it up. DON’T start thinking negatively. Think about something else, start chatting to the person next to you, or do something to take your mind off of it.
And there are tons of other examples. But my point is that you don’t need to be unrealistic on HOW you reframe problems. You don’t even HAVE to reframe them into something positive. Notice in the above examples, I didn’t reframe anything, I just simply avoided the problem, because it is something that is MENIAL….and therefore, NOT WORTH MY EFFORT to get pissed off about.
RULE #2
AVOID NEGATIVE LANGUAGE
Language is a very powerful thing. Notice how I talked about “problems” in the last section. That is an example of negative language. The very existence of the word suggests that something is wrong with the situation.
Avoid using language like this. Every problem in life is actually an OPPORTUNITY in disguise.
There are many subsets of this, but consider it from the mind of an entrepreneur. He goes to a bathroom and is disgusted at all the piss all over the seat. Now most people would just get pissed off about it and then that would be the last that they think about it.
But he views problems as opportunities, so he decides that he will invent a toilet seat that cleans itself off every time after the toilet seat flushes.
See the difference in thinking?
One guy gets pissed off about a situation, and the other guy views it as an opportunity to challenge himself and to make money.
There are countless examples like this. I try to explain this to so many people, and there is always some bullshit example of why they don’t want to buy into it. Don’t be one of these people. Winners don’t get pissed off about menial shit.
Winners capitalize on EVERYTHING that happens in life. EVERYTHING is an opportunity.
Thinking in this manner automatically reframes any potential problems into opportunities.
Another example related to PU:
A woman shit-tests you by saying something like “You’re too short for me” or some stupid bullshit. I swear I am invisible to these types of statements nowadays. Shit tests are literally not a problem for me anymore.
Some guys are puzzled by how to respond to this. A LOSER would say that this is a problem – he is too short for her, it is over…NEXT. Wrong way to think about it buddy.
A WINNER would think “this is an opportunity to knock her socks off” and would say “How tall are you? You’re 5’7? Yeah, your WAYYYYY too tall for me, things would clearly never work out between us.” And then he would create some purely fabricated bullshit right on the spot about why it would never work out, and GO IN DETAIL ABOUT IT….something like “I don’t date women that are over 5’6, because the only way we can dance eye to eye is on stairs. And I am sick of dancing on stairs because my legs really hurt a lot.”
That isn’t even that funny, and I just came up with it now. But a woman would find it hilarious. Why? Because she is impressed that you are not FUMBLED by her testing you. You act like you could care less what she thinks about you, and then you even go so far as saying that she doesn’t fit YOUR qualifications! How many guys do you think regularly do this to her? Not many.
Learning how to properly deal with shit-tests is remarkably easy once you get it.
One more example from last night:
I was hanging out with some friends and my female friend said to this guy that I barely knew
“Where have you been? We’ve been looking all over for you?”
The guy got all defensive and looked like an idiot in front of like 10 people. He even blamed her for them not being able to find him. This is BAD BAD BAD…don’t do it.
If she said that to me I would have said to her
“You know what dear? To be totally honest, I was just sick and tired of you chasing me around like a puppy dog and spanking my ass in front of all these people. I mean we hardly even KNOW these people and you’re parading my ass around like it is some kind of trophy”
I just came up with that now as I typed it. But that is super $. It is also completely fabricated. NONE of those things happened, and she KNOWS this, but look between the lines, do you see how I turned a problem into an opportunity to enhance her attraction level for me?
Remember guys, there are NO problems…only opportunities!
RULE #3
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN….LIKE, A REAL LOT OF FUN!
Juggler once said something great. He said, assume that sex is a given with a woman. Now how would you want your interaction with her to be? He said that he would want it to be fun, exciting, etc.
If you asked that question to other people, do you think ANYBODY would say to you:
“I would want to debate about conspiracy theories, religion, or politics” (read: NEVER talk about any of these things)
“I would want to listen to someone complain about their job, friends, or relationship”
“I would want to talk about boring, uninteresting things like the weather.”
Nope.
So make a promise to yourself that you will stop taking things so seriously with women. This should be fun guys, not nerve wracking. Women are ENTERTAINMENT. Some might consider that harsh, but it is a great re-frame that will have you less concerned with the results.
If you discovered ASF and have no friends and are looking for women to fill that void in your life, you will be VERY sorry, my friend! I made this mistake and as a result I cared way too much about things like stupid girls flaking on me.
Now, if they flake on me, I have many other activities that I can do. Which takes me to the next rule….
Rule #4
HAVE A LARGE SUPPORT GROUP
And by this, I don’t mean have a lot of people that listen to your problems or tell you that you’re doing well or whatever. I simply mean, have a lot of friends that you can hang out with to get your mind off women.
This solves so many problems at one time, yet it eludes some guys way of thinking. But the more friends you have, the more opportunities you have to go out and have a good time. And the more opportunities you have to go out, the more chances you have to meet women.
You should have many different people that you can go out with and just have a good time. This makes you care A LOT LESS about what women think of you, which ones don’t return your phone calls, etc.
The worst thing anybody can do is sit in the house alone. To get good at the game, you have to talk to people everywhere, and you have to enjoy doing it. If you are an introverted person, you need to literally reprogram yourself. Do that by putting yourself in an environment where you are continually challenging yourself to be an interesting conversationalist.
Start making more of an effort to hang out with new people. If you meet someone, exchange contact info with them and say that you should hang out. Make it nonchalant and not a big deal.
Rule #5
YOU CANNOT CARE WHAT WOMEN THINK OF YOU
This is a very important rule, because the only way you will get anywhere with women is if you don’t care about the results. Become outcome independent. If things don’t happen with a particular women, it’s OK, cause atleast you got some of your buddies to hang out with at the bar, and surely there will be more women there that you can impress with your incredible personality.
If you need to be reminded, the easiest way to accomplish this feeling of outcome-independence is twofold. The ideal situation is to be able to pick up women anywhere, and to have other women that you are already hooking up with.
If you aren’t there yet, then have many different friends that you can hang out with and meet new people through. These two things take your mind off of “that one girl” an incredible amount.
Rule #6
NEVER REACT EMOTIONALLY TO ANYTHING THAT ANYONE TOSSES AT YOU
I can pick an insecure person out of a line of people, out of a bar, or any social situation. It’s really not that hard. Wanna know my secret?
The first dead giveaway is if they look uncomfortable where they are. But secondly, and more importantly, if they are PISSED OFF at anyone or anything, then they are IMMEDIATELY low status in my book.
High status people don’t react emotionally to problems, cause problems are actually opportunities, remember?
High status people don’t get irritated when clueless, idiotic, insecure morons take shots at their character by saying things like “You’re an asshole.”
You know why? Because anybody that would say this to anybody else is automatically LOW STATUS themselves, and therefore SOCIALLY INEPT!
Why do you care what opinion a low status person has of you? By definition, their opinion DOESN’T MATTER. It’s USELESS!
Taking a comment like “you’re an asshole” to heart from a low status person is giving them WAY too much credit for actually being able to correctly assess your behavior. And in reality, these people are scared and clueless themselves. They might have thought you were insulting them, so they felt that they needed to “get back at you” (ANOTHER low status behavior btw) by insulting you.
You know what I do to retarded things like this? Shrug and maybe laugh condescendingly. Cause they don’t deserve me to *actually* re-consider how I present myself to people. That would be giving them WAY too much credit.
Guys, this comes down to credibility. Would you take a homeless man’s opinion on how to become rich? Even if he has a way with words? I mean c’mon, the guy is fucking HOMELESS.
So WHY IN GOD’S NAME are you gonna get all worked up about what some IDIOT thinks about you?
WHY IN GOD’S NAME ARE YOU GONNA GET PISSED OFF AND BITCHY if a girl snubs your approach?
If she snubs you, you could either laugh condescendingly at her, or just politely say “nice meeting you” (I usually do this).
It is literally HER LOSS GUYS. I can’t emphasize this enough. Re-read that again. It is HER LOSS.
If you don’t believe that yet, then you have a lot of work to do. Even if you don’t believe it, that is the attitude you need to go into an approach with. You are a cool guy, and you want to fuck that girl, but you could literally take it or leave it, cause you KNOW you’re the bomb and tons of other quality women will want you anyways.
You cannot react emotionally AT ALL, to ANYTHING a woman says or does! Doing so demonstrates that you actually CARE what she thinks of you….or in other words, your reality is NOT strong.
Your reality is in fact so weak that it can be shaken by what some random women thinks upon meeting you in the first 3 seconds.
Think about that. Is your reality that weak that it can be shattered by someone you DON’T EVEN KNOW? If this is the case, stop it now!
Don’t fucking do it guys. I fucked my progress up HARDCORE for a LONG time because I cared about opinions from idiots.
Opinions from people can be helpful, but ONLY from high status people. It takes a while to be able to figure out who these people are and if you should consider their advice or not.
Rule #7
ELIMINATE ALL SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT THAT YOU HAVE
You don’t DESERVE the hottest chicks, you gotta EARN them.
Stop getting pissed off at the huge dumb buff guys that have the hotties. Turn it into an opportunity or a learning experience. Ask yourself “what does this guy provide to her that she finds attractive?”
Maybe his muscles make her feel secure. Maybe she likes being dominated in bed. How can you use this knowledge to modify your approach to specifically target HER NEEDS?
I used to feel like I was entitled to getting the hottest girls in the world, but in reality, I wasn’t. Sadly, even if I could have gotten them (like if I had 3 wishes from a genie or something), then I still wouldn’t have been able to keep them because my reality was so weak.
Eventually they would have discovered this and left me.
All you are doing when you feel like you deserve something is mindfucking yourself into a situation where what you can ACTUALLY attain and what you THINK you should attain don’t match up.
Maybe you can regularly get 5’s but you think you deserve 10’s. As a result, you will NEVER be satisfied with your results.
Avoid this trap. Have very little expectation of yourself. Your only expectation is that you should be gradually IMPROVING over time. That is the only finite goal that you should have.
Rule #8
LOWER YOUR STANDARDS
If you are reading this post, then it’s probably because you AREN’T fucking a lot of women, you DON’T have a strong reality, and you are NOT satisfied with where you are in life.
Don’t fret, and surely don’t get pissed off about it. This is an opportunity for you, remember?
Lowering your standards is a very important rule. Why?
Because our own level of confidence, no matter how much we like to convince ourselves otherwise, IS BASED ON OUR SUCCESS LEVEL.
Do you think I would have ever written this post if I hadn’t hooked up with 9 girls in the past month and a half? Probably not. Why? Cause my reality probably wouldn’t have been strong enough to convince myself that I am knowledgeable enough to actually HELP other people by giving my advice to them.
Success with women is no different than anything else. When you first enter the batting cages, you start at the slow pitch machine until you can consistently hit the ball and until you are no longer worried about getting hit by the ball.
Then you slowly work your way up in the levels.
Likewise, if you are not hooking up with chicks consistently because you are holding off for more “quality” girls, then you are actually fucking over your confidence level.
Confidence is built by repeated success and belief that what you are doing is working. But in PU, the only way that you know what you are doing is working is if you HAVE SUCCESS! I’m talking atleast a makeout.
You can’t walk away from a girl that you didn’t atleast kiss and say something stupid like “she was attracted.” Cause you don’t actually KNOW that for a fact. So stop coming to bullshit conclusions.
The purpose of lowering your standards is that it is the greatest confidence booster that I know of. It is what turned me into the sex machine that I am in the past few months.
Rule #9
STOP COMING TO BULLSHIT CONCLUSIONS
Avoid the temptation to conclude things when you don’t have enough evidence to do so. Avoid re-tooling your game when you get ONE bad reaction from a girl. Don’t convince yourself that cocky & funny doesn’t work cause 7 girls at a bar didn’t like you because of it.
These things WORK people. I know, I’ve done all of it. Your APPLICATION of it is what is not working. Don’t waste your time coming to bullshit conclusions about anything.
Find a guy that you like and model your style after his. Either in real life or off this website. For beginner’s, maniac’s no nonsense guide is GREAT for fundamentals.
Point is, find a style that is congruent with your personality and go with it. And FORGET about results for a LONG time.
Before you can really conclude anything about your abilities, you need a large sample size. Think about it. Does a scientist do ONE experiment and then write a theory? Nope. So why do the KJ’s do this?
Cause they are hopelessly lost. Get out in the field and forget about the results. And when the results don’t come, DON’T change your game unless you have compelling evidence to do so. Follow a method until it works for you.
I’m gonna say it again cause it’s important. Stop reading about all different types of styles until you are regularly getting consistently laid by women.
One more piece of advice, consider CREDIBILITY when you are clueless on a topic. If you are reading all different posts on mASF, then you will surely get lost. What I do instead is only read posts by posters that I KNOW know what they are talking about.
Recognize that it is impossible to figure out who is credible and who isn’t unless you know something about the topic. Take a piece of advice from me, here are some of the best posters on this website off the top of my head:
Razorjack, Zarathustra_fi, TylerDurden, Dimitri, Woodhaven, PlayerSupreme, Sandworm, Ijjji, Jlaix, Juggler, TokyoPUA, Neo-Rio.
There are many more as well. But why would you read anything that is from someone whose credibility is questionable? If you’re doing it, cut it out. Read the archives first.
YOUR HOMEWORK
Re-read this guide as many times as you need to and implement all of these things into your life until they are a part of who you are.
Hopefully this was atleast a little bit motivational. It won’t be an easy journey, but your life is going to be incredible when it happens.
I’m 22 years old, and woman are literally NO obstacle to me whatsoever anymore. I’ve never taken a workshop and never met anybody from this website.
It can happen for you. Just think about practical ways that you can develop the above rules into becoming a part of your personality.
This is the "method" or "how-to" that I think many people are looking for. While this guide doesn't necessarily provide this for you, it does point out what you need to do and what you need to avoid, and until you can do that, you have no business even reading a "how-to" guide.
Also, the "how-to" is pretty arbitrary. There are many different ways to work on these things that I am talking about. If you really have no idea, then ask and maybe I can come up with something.
as seen on
Table of Contents
-My story
-Figure out who you are
-Figure out what kind of value you need to provide
-There are no problems, only opportunities
-No more negativity
-Avoid negative language
-Have FUN
-Have a large support group
-Stop caring what people think of you
-Never react emotionally to anything
-Eliminate all sense of entitlement that you have
-Lower your standards
-Stop coming to bullshit conclusions
-Your homework
My Story
If you don’t care about my story, then skip this section.
I discovered mASF when I was 19. I’m 22 now. So it’s been a little over three years for me. At the time, I was a virgin and had never even kissed a girl. I didn’t makeout with my first girl until I was a sophomore in college.
Make a long story short, I lost my virginity at age 20 and it was a HUGE weight that was lifted off of my shoulder.
When I first discovered ASF, I really had no concept of how clueless I actually was when it comes to women. I always considered myself to have a good personality and that I was fun to be around. I’m sure lots of people see themselves this way.
The reality though is that my personality was not very good. Take a look around your reality right now. Got a lot of friends? Got any women in your life? If not, then either your personality isn’t where it should be or you don’t actively try and network well enough.
I was always a negative person, a pessimist. Some of these people consider themselves “realists” but it doesn’t really matter what you call it, because the reality is that if you want to be successful in life and with women, you need to surpress all the urges that you have to be negative or complain about anything. It’s just a fucking downer. Nobody likes being around people like that. If you are one of these people, keep reading.
Ever since I was young, I always thought that I should have been better with women. My personality was a bit above average and my looks are average, yet for some reason I saw guys getting women that I considered less deserving than I was.
What I never realized about myself was that I was a geek. I was just a much cooler geek than most geeks. I used to love to play video games and play with THINGS. I still do these things occassionally, but to be totally honest, they now bore me. The reason is that they are nowhere near as fun as interacting with new people. If you are one of these people, you need to shift your interest from THINGS to PEOPLE.
When you get good with women and people in general, conversations become lots of fun. It can be a real adrenaline rush that cannot be rivaled by any video game.
After I lost my virginity, I went through periods of loving ASF and then convincing myself that ASF was all bullshit. If you are a beginner, resist this temptation. The theories on this website are VERY real. What is making it not work is your EXECUTION of them, NOT the ideas.
The rest of my story is largely unwritten. After losing my virginity, I continued to have sporadic successes with women, but I never wanted to lower my standards because I thought that I deserved better women. If I had lowered my standards years ago, I would have gotten much better much quicker, and I’ll explain why later in this post.
I was hooking up with a few girls a year when I was twenty and twenty one. Certainly nothing to brag about.
When I hit 22, I successfully hooked up with more girls in a year (and still going by the way) then I had for the rest of my entire life. In the last month and a half, I have been with 9 new girls or so. All of a sudden everything has gotten ridiculously easy for me.
Let me explain how I got there and how you can get there as quickly as possible while avoiding all the mistakes that costed me lots of time and frustration.
WARNING!
This process will NOT be easy for most of you! It took me a few years to transform myself from a very large loser into a massive stud. Where it all begins is inner game. Without it, you are GARBAGE at PU, I don’t care what anybody says.
STEP #1
Figure out who you are. And no, I don’t mean thinking abstractly about who you are. Take a look at your life and ask yourself if you are where you want to be, but more importantly if you are GETTING where you want to be (i.e. are you having a string of successes that are slowly leading you to where you ideally want to be?).
Figure out what kind of person you are. Are you a geek? Be honest with yourself. Get feedback from the people in your life. Find out WHY people are friends with you. If they are friends with you, there must be some value that you provide to them.
Be willing to accept the fact that you might only be their friend because they are DESPERATE for friends. It’s a reality that you need to be aware of.
Once you have roughly figured out who you are and what value you provide to people, you are ready for step #2.
STEP #2
Figure out what kind of value you WANT to provide to people (and also what kind of value you NEED to provide to some people). This isn’t as difficult as it sounds. All you need to PU some girls is to have a high SEXUAL value to her. You need to be a man that turns her on and leads her to a place where the two of you can have sex.
Of course not all girls are like this. Some require more than just a high sexual value.
Think about what kind of value you would need to provide to guys to make them want to be your friend.
Some examples:
If you want to be friends with a depressed person (you shouldn’t want this btw), then the value you need to provide to them is to be non-judgemental and understanding. You need to listen to their problems. Being able to cheer them up would help too.
If you want to be friends with AFC’s, then you could provide social value and opportunities for them to get laid. You could invite them to parties that you host and invite them to your female friends.
If you want to be friends with HIGH VALUE people like PUA’s and quality women, then you typically need to be high value enough yourself that they can respect you. If you find a nice PUA who likes your attitude and doesn’t mind having an apprentice, then you might get lucky and get to hang out with him.
The bottom line is that you need to figure out what type of value that you need to provide for people, and then actively work on developing that part of your personality until you are a person that naturally radiates those qualities.
Read that last sentence again.
How to accomplish this is what the rest of this post is all about.
THE GOLDEN RULE: THERE ARE NO PROBLEMS, ONLY OPPORTUNITIES! (explanation below)
RULE #1
NO NEGATIVITY, EVER AGAIN FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
Negativity has a way of poisoning the way you THINK. It’s roots travel directly into your brain. If you think ANYTHING negative throughout the course of the day, then you are not yet where you need to be to be a successful PUA.
Most people do not think that they are negative people. It has become such a large part of who they are that they literally don’t even NOTICE that they are being negative.
Here is how I want you to eliminate negativity in your life:
Carry a small notepad around with you everywhere you go. Anytime you have ANY type of negative thought, write it down.
THEN, think of a way that you can mentally re-frame this thought into a positive or atleast a neutral thought.
Some examples of little annoyances that can piss people off and fuck your state up:
Problem: You drive up to the gas station, get out of the car, try and pump your gas and realize that the pump isn’t working.
Solution: Resist all temptation to get aggravated and drive up to the next pump.
Problem: The cashier at the supermarket is slow as hell and is taking forever.
Solution: Go in someone else’s line or just suck it up. DON’T start thinking negatively. Think about something else, start chatting to the person next to you, or do something to take your mind off of it.
And there are tons of other examples. But my point is that you don’t need to be unrealistic on HOW you reframe problems. You don’t even HAVE to reframe them into something positive. Notice in the above examples, I didn’t reframe anything, I just simply avoided the problem, because it is something that is MENIAL….and therefore, NOT WORTH MY EFFORT to get pissed off about.
RULE #2
AVOID NEGATIVE LANGUAGE
Language is a very powerful thing. Notice how I talked about “problems” in the last section. That is an example of negative language. The very existence of the word suggests that something is wrong with the situation.
Avoid using language like this. Every problem in life is actually an OPPORTUNITY in disguise.
There are many subsets of this, but consider it from the mind of an entrepreneur. He goes to a bathroom and is disgusted at all the piss all over the seat. Now most people would just get pissed off about it and then that would be the last that they think about it.
But he views problems as opportunities, so he decides that he will invent a toilet seat that cleans itself off every time after the toilet seat flushes.
See the difference in thinking?
One guy gets pissed off about a situation, and the other guy views it as an opportunity to challenge himself and to make money.
There are countless examples like this. I try to explain this to so many people, and there is always some bullshit example of why they don’t want to buy into it. Don’t be one of these people. Winners don’t get pissed off about menial shit.
Winners capitalize on EVERYTHING that happens in life. EVERYTHING is an opportunity.
Thinking in this manner automatically reframes any potential problems into opportunities.
Another example related to PU:
A woman shit-tests you by saying something like “You’re too short for me” or some stupid bullshit. I swear I am invisible to these types of statements nowadays. Shit tests are literally not a problem for me anymore.
Some guys are puzzled by how to respond to this. A LOSER would say that this is a problem – he is too short for her, it is over…NEXT. Wrong way to think about it buddy.
A WINNER would think “this is an opportunity to knock her socks off” and would say “How tall are you? You’re 5’7? Yeah, your WAYYYYY too tall for me, things would clearly never work out between us.” And then he would create some purely fabricated bullshit right on the spot about why it would never work out, and GO IN DETAIL ABOUT IT….something like “I don’t date women that are over 5’6, because the only way we can dance eye to eye is on stairs. And I am sick of dancing on stairs because my legs really hurt a lot.”
That isn’t even that funny, and I just came up with it now. But a woman would find it hilarious. Why? Because she is impressed that you are not FUMBLED by her testing you. You act like you could care less what she thinks about you, and then you even go so far as saying that she doesn’t fit YOUR qualifications! How many guys do you think regularly do this to her? Not many.
Learning how to properly deal with shit-tests is remarkably easy once you get it.
One more example from last night:
I was hanging out with some friends and my female friend said to this guy that I barely knew
“Where have you been? We’ve been looking all over for you?”
The guy got all defensive and looked like an idiot in front of like 10 people. He even blamed her for them not being able to find him. This is BAD BAD BAD…don’t do it.
If she said that to me I would have said to her
“You know what dear? To be totally honest, I was just sick and tired of you chasing me around like a puppy dog and spanking my ass in front of all these people. I mean we hardly even KNOW these people and you’re parading my ass around like it is some kind of trophy”
I just came up with that now as I typed it. But that is super $. It is also completely fabricated. NONE of those things happened, and she KNOWS this, but look between the lines, do you see how I turned a problem into an opportunity to enhance her attraction level for me?
Remember guys, there are NO problems…only opportunities!
RULE #3
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN….LIKE, A REAL LOT OF FUN!
Juggler once said something great. He said, assume that sex is a given with a woman. Now how would you want your interaction with her to be? He said that he would want it to be fun, exciting, etc.
If you asked that question to other people, do you think ANYBODY would say to you:
“I would want to debate about conspiracy theories, religion, or politics” (read: NEVER talk about any of these things)
“I would want to listen to someone complain about their job, friends, or relationship”
“I would want to talk about boring, uninteresting things like the weather.”
Nope.
So make a promise to yourself that you will stop taking things so seriously with women. This should be fun guys, not nerve wracking. Women are ENTERTAINMENT. Some might consider that harsh, but it is a great re-frame that will have you less concerned with the results.
If you discovered ASF and have no friends and are looking for women to fill that void in your life, you will be VERY sorry, my friend! I made this mistake and as a result I cared way too much about things like stupid girls flaking on me.
Now, if they flake on me, I have many other activities that I can do. Which takes me to the next rule….
Rule #4
HAVE A LARGE SUPPORT GROUP
And by this, I don’t mean have a lot of people that listen to your problems or tell you that you’re doing well or whatever. I simply mean, have a lot of friends that you can hang out with to get your mind off women.
This solves so many problems at one time, yet it eludes some guys way of thinking. But the more friends you have, the more opportunities you have to go out and have a good time. And the more opportunities you have to go out, the more chances you have to meet women.
You should have many different people that you can go out with and just have a good time. This makes you care A LOT LESS about what women think of you, which ones don’t return your phone calls, etc.
The worst thing anybody can do is sit in the house alone. To get good at the game, you have to talk to people everywhere, and you have to enjoy doing it. If you are an introverted person, you need to literally reprogram yourself. Do that by putting yourself in an environment where you are continually challenging yourself to be an interesting conversationalist.
Start making more of an effort to hang out with new people. If you meet someone, exchange contact info with them and say that you should hang out. Make it nonchalant and not a big deal.
Rule #5
YOU CANNOT CARE WHAT WOMEN THINK OF YOU
This is a very important rule, because the only way you will get anywhere with women is if you don’t care about the results. Become outcome independent. If things don’t happen with a particular women, it’s OK, cause atleast you got some of your buddies to hang out with at the bar, and surely there will be more women there that you can impress with your incredible personality.
If you need to be reminded, the easiest way to accomplish this feeling of outcome-independence is twofold. The ideal situation is to be able to pick up women anywhere, and to have other women that you are already hooking up with.
If you aren’t there yet, then have many different friends that you can hang out with and meet new people through. These two things take your mind off of “that one girl” an incredible amount.
Rule #6
NEVER REACT EMOTIONALLY TO ANYTHING THAT ANYONE TOSSES AT YOU
I can pick an insecure person out of a line of people, out of a bar, or any social situation. It’s really not that hard. Wanna know my secret?
The first dead giveaway is if they look uncomfortable where they are. But secondly, and more importantly, if they are PISSED OFF at anyone or anything, then they are IMMEDIATELY low status in my book.
High status people don’t react emotionally to problems, cause problems are actually opportunities, remember?
High status people don’t get irritated when clueless, idiotic, insecure morons take shots at their character by saying things like “You’re an asshole.”
You know why? Because anybody that would say this to anybody else is automatically LOW STATUS themselves, and therefore SOCIALLY INEPT!
Why do you care what opinion a low status person has of you? By definition, their opinion DOESN’T MATTER. It’s USELESS!
Taking a comment like “you’re an asshole” to heart from a low status person is giving them WAY too much credit for actually being able to correctly assess your behavior. And in reality, these people are scared and clueless themselves. They might have thought you were insulting them, so they felt that they needed to “get back at you” (ANOTHER low status behavior btw) by insulting you.
You know what I do to retarded things like this? Shrug and maybe laugh condescendingly. Cause they don’t deserve me to *actually* re-consider how I present myself to people. That would be giving them WAY too much credit.
Guys, this comes down to credibility. Would you take a homeless man’s opinion on how to become rich? Even if he has a way with words? I mean c’mon, the guy is fucking HOMELESS.
So WHY IN GOD’S NAME are you gonna get all worked up about what some IDIOT thinks about you?
WHY IN GOD’S NAME ARE YOU GONNA GET PISSED OFF AND BITCHY if a girl snubs your approach?
If she snubs you, you could either laugh condescendingly at her, or just politely say “nice meeting you” (I usually do this).
It is literally HER LOSS GUYS. I can’t emphasize this enough. Re-read that again. It is HER LOSS.
If you don’t believe that yet, then you have a lot of work to do. Even if you don’t believe it, that is the attitude you need to go into an approach with. You are a cool guy, and you want to fuck that girl, but you could literally take it or leave it, cause you KNOW you’re the bomb and tons of other quality women will want you anyways.
You cannot react emotionally AT ALL, to ANYTHING a woman says or does! Doing so demonstrates that you actually CARE what she thinks of you….or in other words, your reality is NOT strong.
Your reality is in fact so weak that it can be shaken by what some random women thinks upon meeting you in the first 3 seconds.
Think about that. Is your reality that weak that it can be shattered by someone you DON’T EVEN KNOW? If this is the case, stop it now!
Don’t fucking do it guys. I fucked my progress up HARDCORE for a LONG time because I cared about opinions from idiots.
Opinions from people can be helpful, but ONLY from high status people. It takes a while to be able to figure out who these people are and if you should consider their advice or not.
Rule #7
ELIMINATE ALL SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT THAT YOU HAVE
You don’t DESERVE the hottest chicks, you gotta EARN them.
Stop getting pissed off at the huge dumb buff guys that have the hotties. Turn it into an opportunity or a learning experience. Ask yourself “what does this guy provide to her that she finds attractive?”
Maybe his muscles make her feel secure. Maybe she likes being dominated in bed. How can you use this knowledge to modify your approach to specifically target HER NEEDS?
I used to feel like I was entitled to getting the hottest girls in the world, but in reality, I wasn’t. Sadly, even if I could have gotten them (like if I had 3 wishes from a genie or something), then I still wouldn’t have been able to keep them because my reality was so weak.
Eventually they would have discovered this and left me.
All you are doing when you feel like you deserve something is mindfucking yourself into a situation where what you can ACTUALLY attain and what you THINK you should attain don’t match up.
Maybe you can regularly get 5’s but you think you deserve 10’s. As a result, you will NEVER be satisfied with your results.
Avoid this trap. Have very little expectation of yourself. Your only expectation is that you should be gradually IMPROVING over time. That is the only finite goal that you should have.
Rule #8
LOWER YOUR STANDARDS
If you are reading this post, then it’s probably because you AREN’T fucking a lot of women, you DON’T have a strong reality, and you are NOT satisfied with where you are in life.
Don’t fret, and surely don’t get pissed off about it. This is an opportunity for you, remember?
Lowering your standards is a very important rule. Why?
Because our own level of confidence, no matter how much we like to convince ourselves otherwise, IS BASED ON OUR SUCCESS LEVEL.
Do you think I would have ever written this post if I hadn’t hooked up with 9 girls in the past month and a half? Probably not. Why? Cause my reality probably wouldn’t have been strong enough to convince myself that I am knowledgeable enough to actually HELP other people by giving my advice to them.
Success with women is no different than anything else. When you first enter the batting cages, you start at the slow pitch machine until you can consistently hit the ball and until you are no longer worried about getting hit by the ball.
Then you slowly work your way up in the levels.
Likewise, if you are not hooking up with chicks consistently because you are holding off for more “quality” girls, then you are actually fucking over your confidence level.
Confidence is built by repeated success and belief that what you are doing is working. But in PU, the only way that you know what you are doing is working is if you HAVE SUCCESS! I’m talking atleast a makeout.
You can’t walk away from a girl that you didn’t atleast kiss and say something stupid like “she was attracted.” Cause you don’t actually KNOW that for a fact. So stop coming to bullshit conclusions.
The purpose of lowering your standards is that it is the greatest confidence booster that I know of. It is what turned me into the sex machine that I am in the past few months.
Rule #9
STOP COMING TO BULLSHIT CONCLUSIONS
Avoid the temptation to conclude things when you don’t have enough evidence to do so. Avoid re-tooling your game when you get ONE bad reaction from a girl. Don’t convince yourself that cocky & funny doesn’t work cause 7 girls at a bar didn’t like you because of it.
These things WORK people. I know, I’ve done all of it. Your APPLICATION of it is what is not working. Don’t waste your time coming to bullshit conclusions about anything.
Find a guy that you like and model your style after his. Either in real life or off this website. For beginner’s, maniac’s no nonsense guide is GREAT for fundamentals.
Point is, find a style that is congruent with your personality and go with it. And FORGET about results for a LONG time.
Before you can really conclude anything about your abilities, you need a large sample size. Think about it. Does a scientist do ONE experiment and then write a theory? Nope. So why do the KJ’s do this?
Cause they are hopelessly lost. Get out in the field and forget about the results. And when the results don’t come, DON’T change your game unless you have compelling evidence to do so. Follow a method until it works for you.
I’m gonna say it again cause it’s important. Stop reading about all different types of styles until you are regularly getting consistently laid by women.
One more piece of advice, consider CREDIBILITY when you are clueless on a topic. If you are reading all different posts on mASF, then you will surely get lost. What I do instead is only read posts by posters that I KNOW know what they are talking about.
Recognize that it is impossible to figure out who is credible and who isn’t unless you know something about the topic. Take a piece of advice from me, here are some of the best posters on this website off the top of my head:
Razorjack, Zarathustra_fi, TylerDurden, Dimitri, Woodhaven, PlayerSupreme, Sandworm, Ijjji, Jlaix, Juggler, TokyoPUA, Neo-Rio.
There are many more as well. But why would you read anything that is from someone whose credibility is questionable? If you’re doing it, cut it out. Read the archives first.
YOUR HOMEWORK
Re-read this guide as many times as you need to and implement all of these things into your life until they are a part of who you are.
Hopefully this was atleast a little bit motivational. It won’t be an easy journey, but your life is going to be incredible when it happens.
I’m 22 years old, and woman are literally NO obstacle to me whatsoever anymore. I’ve never taken a workshop and never met anybody from this website.
It can happen for you. Just think about practical ways that you can develop the above rules into becoming a part of your personality.
This is the "method" or "how-to" that I think many people are looking for. While this guide doesn't necessarily provide this for you, it does point out what you need to do and what you need to avoid, and until you can do that, you have no business even reading a "how-to" guide.
Also, the "how-to" is pretty arbitrary. There are many different ways to work on these things that I am talking about. If you really have no idea, then ask and maybe I can come up with something.
as seen on
GULI: Awareness Radius
Subject is still fresh, but somehow i find it very important. At this day. ijjjji and killswitch are pioneer of this theory, i want to add some of mine.
IS AW NEW?
Awareness radius isn't new anything abstract, it's real, and we all the time use it. Thing like frame, confidence and being in own reality, are connected. AW isn't synonym of these, it's rather MEASURER of that. You can say, how much someone is confident, in his own reality or how strong is his frame, by the size of his AR.
WHY AW IS IMPORTANT?
Is important because, we can better and deeper look at things right now. Also the most annoying problem are these, where you can't do anything to change it, because you don't know what is happening. We can discover hundreds of new technics and remodelate our INNER GAME, knowing new concepts.
HOW AW IS DEVELOPING?
Like everything else. If you get reward, that behavior is stronger (AW decrease), if you get punishment, your stop behavior (AW increase).
AW AND BEEING A PRIZE:
Once i gamed chick, who was so much in her reality, that she is a prize that she was almost annoying to me. You can tell her that her nose look like a dick and she take it as you are attracted to her. I was out of her AW, and her actions was in my AW. From early childhood she was treated as prize, so step by step, things such that she could not be so attractive to someone, or that her behavior is childish was just out of her reality.
AW and being higher value.
People with higher value, get a lot of attention, so their AW is relatively small, only things worth their attention, could be in their AW.
AW AND SPORT:
Ever think about, great sportsmen. He is training his mentality, that when he is at sport event, he think only of his task, nothing else, not about his finances, not about competitors, not about how much people watch him.
AW AND LEADERSHIP:
The one who has smallest AW in particular situation:because he has higher value, because he know the problem, because he has will to act, become leader. Other will sucked in his frame, and follow him.
Think charismatic people: they are so focused, so much in their reality, many times fanatic, critics, enemies, and so on are out of their reality - AW.
AW AND DOMINANCE:
Think Don Corleone, he don't need to shout at others, or constantly fight for attention and power. Someone doesn't accept his reality, end in cement buts;]. By ears he build so small AW, so much in his reality, that he seems like a god. The same with dictators :Stalin for example.
SMALL AW HAS TENDENCY TO BECOME EVEN SMALLER.
On vacation i was sail on Pogoria - polish Tall SHip. I was leader of 10 people group. At beginning, i was aware, of what they think about my leading, how they react to me, and so on. At the end. I lead them almost automatically. Small AW.
AW AND AMOG:
Works two ways.
By keeping your AW small, you can ignore amog. (very effective)
You can increase his AW, by making him more aware, of everything:
-"Dude, you have this Fruit of the loom shirt, it's very alpha"
- "Man, this was good, you are loud, you are alpha, i don't want to fight we you, take all these girls, they are yours"
And so on.
INCREASING AW AS A WEAPON:
Guy living next door, have a huge party. The all are drunk loud. Very small AW, you want to sleep, but you cant (Huge AW). You go to him once, and tell -"Guys the music is too loud", he respond - "Okey dude", don't even noticed you.
You go next time, and still he don't noticed you. Then you go third time, but this time, you beat his ass hard. Next time he will see you, his AW will increase dramatically.
MEN AND WOMEN:
Better be feared than ignore, this is male concept. Men building muscle, try to look dangerous, achieve success, build reputation. People respect them, and keep them in their AW, even because of fear.
Not noticed women is dead in evolution area. She will make herself more beuty. Act dramatic. Wear sexy outfit, to go into everyone AW.
AW AND SHIT TESTS:
Ideal betaized guy, is the one who put all his attention on women. His AW is big, and totally focused on her.
Many shit test are prior to get attention.
If asking for help doesn't work, she will induce drama, if not she will fight for lead. Any method is good to be noticed.
Guys who are popular with women, treat them like little child. They keep their AW small, and act indifrently to her actions. -"You are a jerk" - (try to increase his AW), - "Yeah, babe, i i am, come kiss me" (keeps his AW small).
AW AND SEDUCTION METHODS:
Mystery method:
My Aw is small, everybody suck into this. I ignore the chick so she want to get under my AW.
Tyler Durden - hard to get- the same. You emulate the guy who has smaller AW then her, so higher value, she start to chase you.
Sexual state ala Gunwitch:
You are focusing on fucking, so in your reality, there is no such think as shit tests, amogs, and so on.
AWARENESS RADIUS MUST BE CALIBRATE.
You don't want to become an annoying guy, who is so much in his reality, that when you invite him for 2 hours, he stay there for 2 days, thinking that he is so interesting, unable to read subcommunications. NO.
AW is a mechanism you use, but it doesn't mean, not noticed think, but it mean to act if you decide that this is good.
Long, but i hope interesting.
What are yours opinion?
as seen on Fast Seduction
IS AW NEW?
Awareness radius isn't new anything abstract, it's real, and we all the time use it. Thing like frame, confidence and being in own reality, are connected. AW isn't synonym of these, it's rather MEASURER of that. You can say, how much someone is confident, in his own reality or how strong is his frame, by the size of his AR.
WHY AW IS IMPORTANT?
Is important because, we can better and deeper look at things right now. Also the most annoying problem are these, where you can't do anything to change it, because you don't know what is happening. We can discover hundreds of new technics and remodelate our INNER GAME, knowing new concepts.
HOW AW IS DEVELOPING?
Like everything else. If you get reward, that behavior is stronger (AW decrease), if you get punishment, your stop behavior (AW increase).
AW AND BEEING A PRIZE:
Once i gamed chick, who was so much in her reality, that she is a prize that she was almost annoying to me. You can tell her that her nose look like a dick and she take it as you are attracted to her. I was out of her AW, and her actions was in my AW. From early childhood she was treated as prize, so step by step, things such that she could not be so attractive to someone, or that her behavior is childish was just out of her reality.
AW and being higher value.
People with higher value, get a lot of attention, so their AW is relatively small, only things worth their attention, could be in their AW.
AW AND SPORT:
Ever think about, great sportsmen. He is training his mentality, that when he is at sport event, he think only of his task, nothing else, not about his finances, not about competitors, not about how much people watch him.
AW AND LEADERSHIP:
The one who has smallest AW in particular situation:because he has higher value, because he know the problem, because he has will to act, become leader. Other will sucked in his frame, and follow him.
Think charismatic people: they are so focused, so much in their reality, many times fanatic, critics, enemies, and so on are out of their reality - AW.
AW AND DOMINANCE:
Think Don Corleone, he don't need to shout at others, or constantly fight for attention and power. Someone doesn't accept his reality, end in cement buts;]. By ears he build so small AW, so much in his reality, that he seems like a god. The same with dictators :Stalin for example.
SMALL AW HAS TENDENCY TO BECOME EVEN SMALLER.
On vacation i was sail on Pogoria - polish Tall SHip. I was leader of 10 people group. At beginning, i was aware, of what they think about my leading, how they react to me, and so on. At the end. I lead them almost automatically. Small AW.
AW AND AMOG:
Works two ways.
By keeping your AW small, you can ignore amog. (very effective)
You can increase his AW, by making him more aware, of everything:
-"Dude, you have this Fruit of the loom shirt, it's very alpha"
- "Man, this was good, you are loud, you are alpha, i don't want to fight we you, take all these girls, they are yours"
And so on.
INCREASING AW AS A WEAPON:
Guy living next door, have a huge party. The all are drunk loud. Very small AW, you want to sleep, but you cant (Huge AW). You go to him once, and tell -"Guys the music is too loud", he respond - "Okey dude", don't even noticed you.
You go next time, and still he don't noticed you. Then you go third time, but this time, you beat his ass hard. Next time he will see you, his AW will increase dramatically.
MEN AND WOMEN:
Better be feared than ignore, this is male concept. Men building muscle, try to look dangerous, achieve success, build reputation. People respect them, and keep them in their AW, even because of fear.
Not noticed women is dead in evolution area. She will make herself more beuty. Act dramatic. Wear sexy outfit, to go into everyone AW.
AW AND SHIT TESTS:
Ideal betaized guy, is the one who put all his attention on women. His AW is big, and totally focused on her.
Many shit test are prior to get attention.
If asking for help doesn't work, she will induce drama, if not she will fight for lead. Any method is good to be noticed.
Guys who are popular with women, treat them like little child. They keep their AW small, and act indifrently to her actions. -"You are a jerk" - (try to increase his AW), - "Yeah, babe, i i am, come kiss me" (keeps his AW small).
AW AND SEDUCTION METHODS:
Mystery method:
My Aw is small, everybody suck into this. I ignore the chick so she want to get under my AW.
Tyler Durden - hard to get- the same. You emulate the guy who has smaller AW then her, so higher value, she start to chase you.
Sexual state ala Gunwitch:
You are focusing on fucking, so in your reality, there is no such think as shit tests, amogs, and so on.
AWARENESS RADIUS MUST BE CALIBRATE.
You don't want to become an annoying guy, who is so much in his reality, that when you invite him for 2 hours, he stay there for 2 days, thinking that he is so interesting, unable to read subcommunications. NO.
AW is a mechanism you use, but it doesn't mean, not noticed think, but it mean to act if you decide that this is good.
Long, but i hope interesting.
What are yours opinion?
as seen on Fast Seduction
02 Dezember 2005
Ijjjji: Momentum - the real thing
Doubtful-ijjjji: You say confidence is not a thing, but it sure _feels_ like a thing. Like sometimes, I feel I got it inside me, and sometimes I don't have it inside me at all. How do you explain this if its no a thing??
Doubtful-ijjjji: And you say its not something you need to build, yet there are things I can do that make me get it more and more inside me.. like moving around.. or putting on strong BL.. or doing a few 'warm up' approaches.. or even just having a very active day before I go sarging.. these build it inside me but you say its not something you can build. Surely you must be mistaken, no?
ijjjji:
What you talk of is MOMENTUM.
This is real. The good feeling it creates, is the same that the 'bullshit confidence model' aim for. But it makes 3 wrong assumptions about it:
1. That its part of you, like a personality trait.
2. That it comes from inside you.. your thoughts, feelings, past experiences etc.
3. That you can hold onto it, preserve it, keep it strong inside you.
I'll explain each:
1. That its part of you, like a personality trait.
If this was true, why is it so strong one day and totally gone the next, or maybe even minutes after? No - its not a part of you at all. Its only part of the SITUATION you have put yourself in.
(The STUPID idea that its part of you, can lead to thinking you are a wimp or a loser or that something is wrong with you, on days when its not there.. this is the most HARMFUL effect of the 'bullshit confidence idea'.)
2. That it comes from inside you.. your thoughts, feelings, past experiences etc.
If this was true, why is it so difficult (impossible?) to sit still and summon it mentally? Why can you only change it by doing stuff (changing your situation)? No - its not starting inside you and flowing towards the outside. It starts in the situation you are in, and flows into you.
3. That you can hold onto it, preserve it, keep it strong inside you.
Again, why does it come and go so suddenly if this was possible? No - you can not preserve it. Whenever you enter situations that don't create it, it will be gone. And when you enter situations that create it, it will be back.
¤¤¤
I say above that it comes from the situation.. but its important to realize that YOU decide what situations you seek out or create! You still control it 100%! And its not complicated - all you got to do is seek situations with lots of action in them, OR seek a more ACTIVE ROLE in your current situation.
Examples:
-Sitting still in the office or in class room, trying to solve problems theoretically for 3 hours.. removes all momentum.
-Washing the dishes then tidying the living room and cleaning the floor.. creates lots of momentum.
-Sitting still in a pub looking at girls.. removes all momentum.
-Talking to friends or colleagues or strangers.. creates a lot of 'social' momentum.
-Sitting still reading.. removes momentum.
-Moving around.. creates momentum and is a great first step.
-Deep thinking.. removes momentum.
-Putting on a more relaxed, or more masculine, or more sexual BL.. creates momentum.
-Doing stuff in general.. creates momentum - not doing stuff takes it away.
OK LETS GET PRACTICAL!!!
You are about to talk to a chick, but that fucker MR.CAREFUL wants to think about it first. Before, you would think stuff like:
-Oh no I lost my confidence!
-Oh no its an OFF night!
-GOD I HATE THIS - I'M SUCH A FUCKING LOSER! WHY IN HELL DIDN'T I APPROACH!? SHE EVEN SMILED AT ME!!
From now on you will think:
-Hehe oops I forgot to warm up. Better keep moving and do some short throw-away-warm-up-sets over there and maybe return later!
(Credit to Mystery, who first described this and named it 'momentum'. He also invented warm up sets, where you quickly open a few girls with no intention of gaming them.)
as seen on Fast Seduction
Doubtful-ijjjji: And you say its not something you need to build, yet there are things I can do that make me get it more and more inside me.. like moving around.. or putting on strong BL.. or doing a few 'warm up' approaches.. or even just having a very active day before I go sarging.. these build it inside me but you say its not something you can build. Surely you must be mistaken, no?
ijjjji:
What you talk of is MOMENTUM.
This is real. The good feeling it creates, is the same that the 'bullshit confidence model' aim for. But it makes 3 wrong assumptions about it:
1. That its part of you, like a personality trait.
2. That it comes from inside you.. your thoughts, feelings, past experiences etc.
3. That you can hold onto it, preserve it, keep it strong inside you.
I'll explain each:
1. That its part of you, like a personality trait.
If this was true, why is it so strong one day and totally gone the next, or maybe even minutes after? No - its not a part of you at all. Its only part of the SITUATION you have put yourself in.
(The STUPID idea that its part of you, can lead to thinking you are a wimp or a loser or that something is wrong with you, on days when its not there.. this is the most HARMFUL effect of the 'bullshit confidence idea'.)
2. That it comes from inside you.. your thoughts, feelings, past experiences etc.
If this was true, why is it so difficult (impossible?) to sit still and summon it mentally? Why can you only change it by doing stuff (changing your situation)? No - its not starting inside you and flowing towards the outside. It starts in the situation you are in, and flows into you.
3. That you can hold onto it, preserve it, keep it strong inside you.
Again, why does it come and go so suddenly if this was possible? No - you can not preserve it. Whenever you enter situations that don't create it, it will be gone. And when you enter situations that create it, it will be back.
¤¤¤
I say above that it comes from the situation.. but its important to realize that YOU decide what situations you seek out or create! You still control it 100%! And its not complicated - all you got to do is seek situations with lots of action in them, OR seek a more ACTIVE ROLE in your current situation.
Examples:
-Sitting still in the office or in class room, trying to solve problems theoretically for 3 hours.. removes all momentum.
-Washing the dishes then tidying the living room and cleaning the floor.. creates lots of momentum.
-Sitting still in a pub looking at girls.. removes all momentum.
-Talking to friends or colleagues or strangers.. creates a lot of 'social' momentum.
-Sitting still reading.. removes momentum.
-Moving around.. creates momentum and is a great first step.
-Deep thinking.. removes momentum.
-Putting on a more relaxed, or more masculine, or more sexual BL.. creates momentum.
-Doing stuff in general.. creates momentum - not doing stuff takes it away.
OK LETS GET PRACTICAL!!!
You are about to talk to a chick, but that fucker MR.CAREFUL wants to think about it first. Before, you would think stuff like:
-Oh no I lost my confidence!
-Oh no its an OFF night!
-GOD I HATE THIS - I'M SUCH A FUCKING LOSER! WHY IN HELL DIDN'T I APPROACH!? SHE EVEN SMILED AT ME!!
From now on you will think:
-Hehe oops I forgot to warm up. Better keep moving and do some short throw-away-warm-up-sets over there and maybe return later!
(Credit to Mystery, who first described this and named it 'momentum'. He also invented warm up sets, where you quickly open a few girls with no intention of gaming them.)
as seen on Fast Seduction
Ijjjji: Confidence is bullshit
99.9% of the stuff you do in a day, you do without thinking. Like tying your shoe lace.
But on rare occasion you sense danger and approach carefully: Analyze -> Determine expected outcome -> Act accordingly.
Often the situation is not dangerous, but maybe you don't know this because its a new situation to you. But you soon realize its safe and start doing it without thinking.
But sometimes we use the careful approach a bit too long, so it turns into a habit with that specific type of situation.
'Confidence' is a word we use when we try to describe this situation. We often say we 'lack confidence' or that we 'lost our confidence' or that we need to 'build some confidence'. As you now can see, THIS 'CONFIDENCE' IS PURE AND UTTER BULLSHIT, its not a thing, its not something we lost or need to build, it does not exist and it has nothing to do with reality.
IN REALITY, its just a BAD HABIT. A habit of acting too carefully in a certain type of situation.
And habits are only changed by ACTING in a new way, repeatedly over time. This creates a new pattern that replaces the old one. It can be hard at first but always much easier soon after.
LETS GET PRACTICAL:
I'm sure you know approximately where you should start! This is just some tips you can try for fun if you want to:
-Replace needy goals like "get laid" and "get 3 #s a night" with this: NO MORE MR. CAREFUL!
-Develop some extreme macho body language habits (borderline cartoon-like) and have a humorous/non serious attitude about it. Do it for fun!
-Stop agreeing with MR.CAREFUL type guys on mASF. Laugh at them and stay in your new frame!
-Create a mental picture that illustrates how ridiculous it is to be carful around girls - be creative! Recall this picture when you start thinking around girls, to kick you out of that old habit!
-Change 3 seconds rule into 0 seconds rule.
-
-
-(Fill in with your own ideas. Then take some action.)
(Sidenote: 'Skill', 'understanding' and 'experience' are other words we use in a similar way, as an excuse for why we cant or shouldnt act right now. Stuff like PU and public speaking does not require any of these. Al they require is adopting a 'shoe lace'-approach.)
as seen on Fast Seduction
But on rare occasion you sense danger and approach carefully: Analyze -> Determine expected outcome -> Act accordingly.
Often the situation is not dangerous, but maybe you don't know this because its a new situation to you. But you soon realize its safe and start doing it without thinking.
But sometimes we use the careful approach a bit too long, so it turns into a habit with that specific type of situation.
'Confidence' is a word we use when we try to describe this situation. We often say we 'lack confidence' or that we 'lost our confidence' or that we need to 'build some confidence'. As you now can see, THIS 'CONFIDENCE' IS PURE AND UTTER BULLSHIT, its not a thing, its not something we lost or need to build, it does not exist and it has nothing to do with reality.
IN REALITY, its just a BAD HABIT. A habit of acting too carefully in a certain type of situation.
And habits are only changed by ACTING in a new way, repeatedly over time. This creates a new pattern that replaces the old one. It can be hard at first but always much easier soon after.
LETS GET PRACTICAL:
I'm sure you know approximately where you should start! This is just some tips you can try for fun if you want to:
-Replace needy goals like "get laid" and "get 3 #s a night" with this: NO MORE MR. CAREFUL!
-Develop some extreme macho body language habits (borderline cartoon-like) and have a humorous/non serious attitude about it. Do it for fun!
-Stop agreeing with MR.CAREFUL type guys on mASF. Laugh at them and stay in your new frame!
-Create a mental picture that illustrates how ridiculous it is to be carful around girls - be creative! Recall this picture when you start thinking around girls, to kick you out of that old habit!
-Change 3 seconds rule into 0 seconds rule.
-
-
-(Fill in with your own ideas. Then take some action.)
(Sidenote: 'Skill', 'understanding' and 'experience' are other words we use in a similar way, as an excuse for why we cant or shouldnt act right now. Stuff like PU and public speaking does not require any of these. Al they require is adopting a 'shoe lace'-approach.)
as seen on Fast Seduction
01 Dezember 2005
Dimitri: Getting Her to Put Work In
Hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving. For all your viewing pleasure, here's some ways to get a women putting in work to get you.
This will increase one of the three parts of Attraction. If you haven't read the Model of Attraction, those are:
Value for her life
A sense you're attainable
Her putting in effort to get you
"New Attraction Model" is available here:
http://the-approach.net/art_attraction_model.php
or in the ASF archives, whatever you please.
On 11/22/05 9:34:00 PM, effigyc wrote:
>So I want to talk more about
>the "making her work for you."
Absolutely.
>Below is my understanding of
>what we're talking about here,
>feel free to correct me if I'm
>wrong.
>
>We see a girl at a coffee
>shop. We start a
>conversation. We're making
>her laugh, vibing with her,
>having a good time.
Okay at this point, you already have some value for her life. Showing confidence, fun, maybe a little humor, social savvy, that you're cool, that you guys can have fun together.
Also since you're connecting with her (vibing, having a good time) she likely has some sense you're attainable. If you don't see any sign of her Auto-Rejection Mechanism kicking in, assume the attainability's there if you've got some connection.
So far, so good, except...
>Now, to
>insure that she'll want to see
>us again, we're going to make
>her put some effort into
>things.
... she hasn't put any work in! Exactly!
This is the Cost/Value Conception. In short, people don't value things they don't pay for. A girlfriend of mine takes me out to an expensive restaurant and gets me a $40 glass of wine and I don't finish it. I buy a bottle of water for myself and I refuse to throw it away before I drink it all.
The more EFFORT you put into getting something, the more you feel like you DESERVE it. That makes you actively want it, and want to pursue it and keep it. If I got given a bottle of water for free, but accidentally dropped it and it rolled under a table, I might just leave it there. But if I BUY the thing (effort) I'll go get it.
So I feel like I deserve it more. The other thing it does is...
>Thusly, she'll value
>them more.
Exactly! Great thinking man, your head's in the right place. When a woman feels like she wants something, she'll rationalize it's more valuable to herself. So it's a cycle, but to make a long story short:
Value for her life + Sense you could be attainable + Effort on her part =ATTRACTED
>The ways we go
>about this are:
There are LOTS of ways to do this. I could fill up 30 pages in a couple hours on how to do this. When I teach this stuff, I go on for quite a while. But a few things you can do:
>Neging - Let's say we cut her
>off in the middle of something
>she's saying, and say "Oh,
>you've kind of got a little
>booger there." This would
>certainly embaress the shit
>out of her, and do some
>serious damage to
>"attainablity." Would it
>however make her start working
>to get you? Is it even
>necissary?
A cardinal rule of negging is it's supposed to be playful, not an insult. That said, if you ALREADY had some potential value, a neg can get them to work. If they react at all... they're working to get you basically.
If they test you, they're putting energy into the interaction to make it go forwards, and giving you an opportunity to pass her test (and we all know what happens when you do that). If she starts qualifying herself, she's obviously working to get you.
However, if you had no value for her life at all, not potentially any (but don't be fooled, body language, walking patterns, facial expressions, style, and image can all communicate potential value, not just your words) then she'd just ignore you. That's actually the worst result you can get from a neg.
BUT if you neg at the wrong time, like if she's really opening up and you neg her, it'll tank attainability. That'll set off her Auto-Rejection Mechanism and she'll reject herself, which means she'll shut down. ARM manifests itself different ways, but she might get very rude, might get quiet and walk away, or might go start seeking validation elsewhere. Regardless ARM is a mistake, it means you let attainability get too low and is not a good place to be. But a well-placed neg can get her to start putting work in (also something truly amazing that I learned from Mystery personally was that after he does his 3 neg thing, he then communicates a "You've passed" vibe to her and qualifies her. Amazing to see, hard to describe, but he's framing it like she's worked for him - Very masterful on his part, he knows his stuff)
>Getting her to verbally
>qaulify herself to you -
>there's really only two ways I
>can think to do this. One is
>to simply ask her if she likes
>or can do certain things.
>i.e. do you like to go
>camping, or can you cook.
Basic screening questions, yes.
>Two would be to command her to
>qaulify herself. i.e. Style's
>tell me three interesting
>qaulities you have, or to say
>"Well, its great that you love
>shopping, but isn't there
>anything else you like to do?"
Okay, that's a second. There's lots more ways to get her to verbally qualify herself though. One way would be to disqualify her (see Japanese Nurse LR) on a characteristic she DOESN'T ACTUALLY HAVE. This will get them automatically qualifying themselves 90% of the time at the expense of your attainability (and if executed poorly, your value, since you will look like you don't have social skills if you say an innocent girl is too wild, etc).
There's lots of other ways. You can even make a blanket statement like, "Wow it's a shame so many people watch so much TV these days. I like to relax and veg sometimes, but people give up SO much of the amazing world out there." Will result in her verbally qualifying herself often.
Disqualify people in general who have a trait she herself doesn't like, and tie the OPPOSITE to her verbally qualifying.
This is powerful. If she's a world traveller, saying something like, "God so many people miss out on seeing the world, and I think they wind up being worse lovers and worse in relationships because of it."
Most people who travel love to rant about people who just "stay in their own backyard all life". So when you say that because of that they're worse lovers... it means when she agrees with you and says she travels, she's saying she's a good lover and good in relationships. Therefore, she'll feel like she's worked for you afterwards.
Remember, all of these components aren't about having/being/doing them, it's about the perception of them. Perceived value for her life, perceived attainability, perceived effort put in. She might put no "real" effort in, but if she feels she's worked hard for you, she'll want her prize regardless of if she really worked hard or not. Imagine you're getting ready for a big competition. You train really hard for the competition, days in and days out, sweat and blood. And you win! You're going to want your prize. Now... what if the competition was fixed, but you don't know that? You still feel like you worked hard to win, so you still feel attracted to the prize/title/status you got by winning. Even if the "work" that the women put in is "fixed", and they're not really working, that can be enough. Is it the best way? No, but it is a way.
>Getting her to physically do
>things. Like give you a
>massage or drive you
>somewhere.
Yes. Asking her to bring a small ingredient for cooking on her way over, or a bottle of wine. Or something unrelated to what you're doing with her even.
If she says she has to go to the store later, hand her $5 and ask her to buy you a copy of Gentlemen's Quarterly (magazine) while she's there. This is actually triple-pronged attack territory: That little technique will increase your value, her sense of your attainability, and the effort she's put in.
Effort: She's doing you a favor, working to please you and help you.
Attainability: Many men wouldn't realize that this technique increases attainability. It does. Any time you make plans past the current moment, it demonstrates you've already decided to see her again. Now if she turned out crazy, I'd cut my losses, let her keep the lousy magazine or $5, and bail. But that's not the way the female mind works... When you've got something "on the burner" they feel you're not going anywhere, and it increases the sense that it's possible to have you.
Value: You're confident and help delegate things you need help with to people you trust. You're not burdening her... picking up a magazine at checkout doesn't really make her life harder. Plus, it's GQ, you're a fashionable guy. You're not being over the top with your request, just nonchalant (note for guys who dress really, really poorly: Choose a different magazine) about it.
Other "tangible" things she can do for work: Help cook, help clean your place (YES, you can get a woman you just met to help clean your place on a first or second meet, it just takes some game), do anything that furthers your life or appears to please or help you, or getting her to do any little thing.
>So my questions are these:
>
>Am I even on the right page
>here?
Yes, you're definitely thinking in the right direction. You need to expand your horizons a little bit and think more. I've shared maybe 2% of my techniques for getting her to put in work with you here, there's a lot that can be done. Think about it: What can you do to make her feel like she's worked to get you?
Have fun with it. Not only will women in your life be more attracted to you if they're working for you, but you'll have more productive relationships. Enjoy!
>Are the techniques I'm
>talking about what Dimitri's
>advocating using?
>
>What are some other ways of
>making her "work" for you?
Oh, there's lots of things. Again, it's the perception of her working to get you.
These can be big things, like favors. Obviously paying for you is good. "Hey, you got this one?" at a coffee shop will have her buying your coffee. This tends to be bad for attainability, but good for effort, and it near always works. I'll often take a girl rollerskating on $2 skating night here. Skate rentals are $3, so it's $10 for both of us. I say, "Hey, you got this one?" It's $10, it's meaningless... but she paid for the date, so now any charming of her I do, she feels like she earned and values a lot more.
Other stuff: Well-phrased and well-framed compliments can actually make it seem like she WORKED to have you open her! It's amazing, isn't it? Men often forget that women put in TONS of work to appeal to men. If you're meeting up with her for a date and she looks really good, you can say, "Wow, I'm impressed. You must've taken a lot of time to fix yourself up but that means a lot to me - You look good girl." You just framed it like she went out of her way to impress you (which she probably did). How about this opener? "I saw you walking by... and I had to say... you look absolutely stunning." The pace part is her walking, then you HAD to say she looked stunning.
Here's one that many men won't identify with or understand. A lot of black guys, when they play the game, they say the woman has to make eye contact before they'll approach. Player Supreme has written about this, and it's a fairly standard pimp M.O. Then the guy approaches... SHE made the first move, and that move was EFFORT on her part to get the man. Even something as simple as eye contact can be her putting in work.
Other stuff. "Testing" her on the dance floor/rollerskating rink/wherever. Having her help you with something big in your life. Having her lie to someone fore you (unscrupulous but +effort definitely). The "conspiracy" frame is really good for work, like if you tell her to subtly slip you her number.
How about when you #close and don't have a pen? Go fetch it yourself? Hell no! Have her get the pen, or play the "Pen Guess" game I created for this very reason.
Say, "Hmmm... let's make a game of this, we'll take turns guessing who around here is the most likely person to have a pen. I'll guess first." Then you guess a person, and walk up to them and ask if they have a pen. If they do, it's no different than if you'd just asked them without he game. But if they don't, now it's her turn to guess who has a pen, and then go ask that person if she can borrow it.
I originally made up that game to preserve value (because asking multiple people if they have a pen looks poorly) but it increases the effort she's put in too, ESPECIALLY if the game goes 5 or 6 people deep. And guess what? If she winds up being the one to get the pen, the number is about 60% more solid. Hey, maybe we should even make the first guess someone unlikely to have a pen? ;)
>Effy.
There's lots of ways to get them feeling like they've put in work, Effy. The big thing is to remember to do it. Now some guys will just do this a token amount because they want to get laid. That's cool, and their game will improve by taking little games I've invented, little lines and cues from solid top-notch players, and throwing them in. But if you want to be really superb, you should start demanding that women work to get you. Have standards and make them meet them. Have them help with logistics. Have them work to catch you.
>If you question anything,
>question
>your limitations.
Great quote man. Now get those women a-workin'!
Sebastian
as seen on Fast Seduction
This will increase one of the three parts of Attraction. If you haven't read the Model of Attraction, those are:
Value for her life
A sense you're attainable
Her putting in effort to get you
"New Attraction Model" is available here:
http://the-approach.net/art_attraction_model.php
or in the ASF archives, whatever you please.
On 11/22/05 9:34:00 PM, effigyc wrote:
>So I want to talk more about
>the "making her work for you."
Absolutely.
>Below is my understanding of
>what we're talking about here,
>feel free to correct me if I'm
>wrong.
>
>We see a girl at a coffee
>shop. We start a
>conversation. We're making
>her laugh, vibing with her,
>having a good time.
Okay at this point, you already have some value for her life. Showing confidence, fun, maybe a little humor, social savvy, that you're cool, that you guys can have fun together.
Also since you're connecting with her (vibing, having a good time) she likely has some sense you're attainable. If you don't see any sign of her Auto-Rejection Mechanism kicking in, assume the attainability's there if you've got some connection.
So far, so good, except...
>Now, to
>insure that she'll want to see
>us again, we're going to make
>her put some effort into
>things.
... she hasn't put any work in! Exactly!
This is the Cost/Value Conception. In short, people don't value things they don't pay for. A girlfriend of mine takes me out to an expensive restaurant and gets me a $40 glass of wine and I don't finish it. I buy a bottle of water for myself and I refuse to throw it away before I drink it all.
The more EFFORT you put into getting something, the more you feel like you DESERVE it. That makes you actively want it, and want to pursue it and keep it. If I got given a bottle of water for free, but accidentally dropped it and it rolled under a table, I might just leave it there. But if I BUY the thing (effort) I'll go get it.
So I feel like I deserve it more. The other thing it does is...
>Thusly, she'll value
>them more.
Exactly! Great thinking man, your head's in the right place. When a woman feels like she wants something, she'll rationalize it's more valuable to herself. So it's a cycle, but to make a long story short:
Value for her life + Sense you could be attainable + Effort on her part =ATTRACTED
>The ways we go
>about this are:
There are LOTS of ways to do this. I could fill up 30 pages in a couple hours on how to do this. When I teach this stuff, I go on for quite a while. But a few things you can do:
>Neging - Let's say we cut her
>off in the middle of something
>she's saying, and say "Oh,
>you've kind of got a little
>booger there." This would
>certainly embaress the shit
>out of her, and do some
>serious damage to
>"attainablity." Would it
>however make her start working
>to get you? Is it even
>necissary?
A cardinal rule of negging is it's supposed to be playful, not an insult. That said, if you ALREADY had some potential value, a neg can get them to work. If they react at all... they're working to get you basically.
If they test you, they're putting energy into the interaction to make it go forwards, and giving you an opportunity to pass her test (and we all know what happens when you do that). If she starts qualifying herself, she's obviously working to get you.
However, if you had no value for her life at all, not potentially any (but don't be fooled, body language, walking patterns, facial expressions, style, and image can all communicate potential value, not just your words) then she'd just ignore you. That's actually the worst result you can get from a neg.
BUT if you neg at the wrong time, like if she's really opening up and you neg her, it'll tank attainability. That'll set off her Auto-Rejection Mechanism and she'll reject herself, which means she'll shut down. ARM manifests itself different ways, but she might get very rude, might get quiet and walk away, or might go start seeking validation elsewhere. Regardless ARM is a mistake, it means you let attainability get too low and is not a good place to be. But a well-placed neg can get her to start putting work in (also something truly amazing that I learned from Mystery personally was that after he does his 3 neg thing, he then communicates a "You've passed" vibe to her and qualifies her. Amazing to see, hard to describe, but he's framing it like she's worked for him - Very masterful on his part, he knows his stuff)
>Getting her to verbally
>qaulify herself to you -
>there's really only two ways I
>can think to do this. One is
>to simply ask her if she likes
>or can do certain things.
>i.e. do you like to go
>camping, or can you cook.
Basic screening questions, yes.
>Two would be to command her to
>qaulify herself. i.e. Style's
>tell me three interesting
>qaulities you have, or to say
>"Well, its great that you love
>shopping, but isn't there
>anything else you like to do?"
Okay, that's a second. There's lots more ways to get her to verbally qualify herself though. One way would be to disqualify her (see Japanese Nurse LR) on a characteristic she DOESN'T ACTUALLY HAVE. This will get them automatically qualifying themselves 90% of the time at the expense of your attainability (and if executed poorly, your value, since you will look like you don't have social skills if you say an innocent girl is too wild, etc).
There's lots of other ways. You can even make a blanket statement like, "Wow it's a shame so many people watch so much TV these days. I like to relax and veg sometimes, but people give up SO much of the amazing world out there." Will result in her verbally qualifying herself often.
Disqualify people in general who have a trait she herself doesn't like, and tie the OPPOSITE to her verbally qualifying.
This is powerful. If she's a world traveller, saying something like, "God so many people miss out on seeing the world, and I think they wind up being worse lovers and worse in relationships because of it."
Most people who travel love to rant about people who just "stay in their own backyard all life". So when you say that because of that they're worse lovers... it means when she agrees with you and says she travels, she's saying she's a good lover and good in relationships. Therefore, she'll feel like she's worked for you afterwards.
Remember, all of these components aren't about having/being/doing them, it's about the perception of them. Perceived value for her life, perceived attainability, perceived effort put in. She might put no "real" effort in, but if she feels she's worked hard for you, she'll want her prize regardless of if she really worked hard or not. Imagine you're getting ready for a big competition. You train really hard for the competition, days in and days out, sweat and blood. And you win! You're going to want your prize. Now... what if the competition was fixed, but you don't know that? You still feel like you worked hard to win, so you still feel attracted to the prize/title/status you got by winning. Even if the "work" that the women put in is "fixed", and they're not really working, that can be enough. Is it the best way? No, but it is a way.
>Getting her to physically do
>things. Like give you a
>massage or drive you
>somewhere.
Yes. Asking her to bring a small ingredient for cooking on her way over, or a bottle of wine. Or something unrelated to what you're doing with her even.
If she says she has to go to the store later, hand her $5 and ask her to buy you a copy of Gentlemen's Quarterly (magazine) while she's there. This is actually triple-pronged attack territory: That little technique will increase your value, her sense of your attainability, and the effort she's put in.
Effort: She's doing you a favor, working to please you and help you.
Attainability: Many men wouldn't realize that this technique increases attainability. It does. Any time you make plans past the current moment, it demonstrates you've already decided to see her again. Now if she turned out crazy, I'd cut my losses, let her keep the lousy magazine or $5, and bail. But that's not the way the female mind works... When you've got something "on the burner" they feel you're not going anywhere, and it increases the sense that it's possible to have you.
Value: You're confident and help delegate things you need help with to people you trust. You're not burdening her... picking up a magazine at checkout doesn't really make her life harder. Plus, it's GQ, you're a fashionable guy. You're not being over the top with your request, just nonchalant (note for guys who dress really, really poorly: Choose a different magazine) about it.
Other "tangible" things she can do for work: Help cook, help clean your place (YES, you can get a woman you just met to help clean your place on a first or second meet, it just takes some game), do anything that furthers your life or appears to please or help you, or getting her to do any little thing.
>So my questions are these:
>
>Am I even on the right page
>here?
Yes, you're definitely thinking in the right direction. You need to expand your horizons a little bit and think more. I've shared maybe 2% of my techniques for getting her to put in work with you here, there's a lot that can be done. Think about it: What can you do to make her feel like she's worked to get you?
Have fun with it. Not only will women in your life be more attracted to you if they're working for you, but you'll have more productive relationships. Enjoy!
>Are the techniques I'm
>talking about what Dimitri's
>advocating using?
>
>What are some other ways of
>making her "work" for you?
Oh, there's lots of things. Again, it's the perception of her working to get you.
These can be big things, like favors. Obviously paying for you is good. "Hey, you got this one?" at a coffee shop will have her buying your coffee. This tends to be bad for attainability, but good for effort, and it near always works. I'll often take a girl rollerskating on $2 skating night here. Skate rentals are $3, so it's $10 for both of us. I say, "Hey, you got this one?" It's $10, it's meaningless... but she paid for the date, so now any charming of her I do, she feels like she earned and values a lot more.
Other stuff: Well-phrased and well-framed compliments can actually make it seem like she WORKED to have you open her! It's amazing, isn't it? Men often forget that women put in TONS of work to appeal to men. If you're meeting up with her for a date and she looks really good, you can say, "Wow, I'm impressed. You must've taken a lot of time to fix yourself up but that means a lot to me - You look good girl." You just framed it like she went out of her way to impress you (which she probably did). How about this opener? "I saw you walking by... and I had to say... you look absolutely stunning." The pace part is her walking, then you HAD to say she looked stunning.
Here's one that many men won't identify with or understand. A lot of black guys, when they play the game, they say the woman has to make eye contact before they'll approach. Player Supreme has written about this, and it's a fairly standard pimp M.O. Then the guy approaches... SHE made the first move, and that move was EFFORT on her part to get the man. Even something as simple as eye contact can be her putting in work.
Other stuff. "Testing" her on the dance floor/rollerskating rink/wherever. Having her help you with something big in your life. Having her lie to someone fore you (unscrupulous but +effort definitely). The "conspiracy" frame is really good for work, like if you tell her to subtly slip you her number.
How about when you #close and don't have a pen? Go fetch it yourself? Hell no! Have her get the pen, or play the "Pen Guess" game I created for this very reason.
Say, "Hmmm... let's make a game of this, we'll take turns guessing who around here is the most likely person to have a pen. I'll guess first." Then you guess a person, and walk up to them and ask if they have a pen. If they do, it's no different than if you'd just asked them without he game. But if they don't, now it's her turn to guess who has a pen, and then go ask that person if she can borrow it.
I originally made up that game to preserve value (because asking multiple people if they have a pen looks poorly) but it increases the effort she's put in too, ESPECIALLY if the game goes 5 or 6 people deep. And guess what? If she winds up being the one to get the pen, the number is about 60% more solid. Hey, maybe we should even make the first guess someone unlikely to have a pen? ;)
>Effy.
There's lots of ways to get them feeling like they've put in work, Effy. The big thing is to remember to do it. Now some guys will just do this a token amount because they want to get laid. That's cool, and their game will improve by taking little games I've invented, little lines and cues from solid top-notch players, and throwing them in. But if you want to be really superb, you should start demanding that women work to get you. Have standards and make them meet them. Have them help with logistics. Have them work to catch you.
>If you question anything,
>question
>your limitations.
Great quote man. Now get those women a-workin'!
Sebastian
as seen on Fast Seduction
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