Dimitri: The Attraction Model

The Attraction Model
By Sebastian Dimitri Drake


A definition of attraction - and a way to consistently to get attraction from any girl - is long overdue. Perhaps the two most misunderstood parts of the community are attraction and one of the pieces of it, value.

I'll set the record straight, and give you a gameplan for how to attract any woman in the world, as well as give specific examples of how attraction works. Since many people are familiar with it, I picked Neil Strauss' New York Times Bestseller The Game for my examples on how attraction works - I'll use a few excerpts from the book to explain how this all works.

Attraction is something desirable to someone, that much is obvious. But to create the kind of real, almost-tangible attraction that'll cause a woman to sleep with you, you need two components:

The Two Components of Attraction Are Value and Deservedness.

I will explain both.

"Value" is value for her life, based on her perceptions. What is valuable is unique to every single person, but pattern of what is valuable can easily be seen. Some things are almost always seen as valuable, and some things are almost always seen as detrimental to value. But the value of any given thing to a person is different for that person than another.

What does this mean? A giant script will not appeal to every single woman. At best, a script can mass-appeal to a man's target audience. Many sorority girls might have similar value for each other, so if you wanted that demographic, a script that's useful on many could be devised. But for broader categories, like "college girls", you'll need knowledge of how value works for different people.

There are many traits that are almost universally valuable (and thus, attractive). These should be almost universally developed, so that you're perceived as having them with minimal effort on your part. This includes confidence, charisma, leadership, intelligence, quick wit, sharp instincts, health, wealth, a strong sense of survival, purpose, adaptability, and so on. Very, very, very few women find these traits unattractive, so it's in every man's best interest to appear to have these.

This can be done in one of three ways.

1. Develop the trait: If you become confident, you will appear confident. If you become healthy, you will appear healthy. Et cetra.

This is the path that takes the longest to achieve out of the three, but is the easiest once you've achieved it.

2. Develop the appearance of the trait: "A prince need not possess princely qualities. He merely needs the appearance of princely qualities." - Niccolo Machiavelli

Machiavelli is largely right. If you're not confident, nor a leader, it is still in your best interest to develop the body language and walking patterns of a confident leader. This will give you the appearance of these things, the benefit of which is twofold: You'll be perceived as having the quality (useful in your immediate interactions) and by being perceived as having it, you might actually develop the quality ("fake it 'till you make it" at work). Developing the appearance of a quality you don't have is actually a great way to help develop that quality.

3. Demonstrate you have the quality any time the occasion arises. This is the fastest way to show one person you have a trait about you, but the least efficient way to show the world you have a quality. A good example for this would be kino: It demonstrates you're comfortable with yourself and comfortable around others (among other things).

If a man wants to demonstrate he's comfortable with himself and around others, one way might be to kino. After he achieves a base proficiency in kinesthetic interaction (kino, touching other people in a normal way), he can do so consciously to appear to be comfortable with himself and around others.

Over time, his kino will become automatic. At his point he's developed the appearance of the trait, and most people he will meet will perceive him as comfortable with himself and around others.

Finally, if he allows his belief system to develop, he'll come to actually be comfortable with himself and around other people. At this point, no conscious technique or tactic is necessary: He has simply become a person who is comfortable with himself and around others. Because this is a universally attractive trait, he is now always a more attractive man and he knows it.

Outside of universally attractive things are things that are attractive to specific women. A gold-digger wants money and status. A 28-year old working professional may be looking for a stable husband/father type man. A 34-year old divorcee may be looking for a feeling of youth and excitement. A young girl may want maturity OR want fun and popularity. Or both.

What any given woman wants is different based on the woman. But you can make generalizations. I always ask students what type of relationships they're looking for, and what their "type" is. Age, ethnicity, nationality, and social class are all ways that you can make an intelligent guess about what is attractive to a woman. It's why many pick-up artists have to adjust their techniques when moving to a new location. Even in the same nation, such as the cities of Atlanta and New York City, there are some differences in what the majority of people are looking for.

That said, fine-tuning your game to your "type" is great, but a master's proficiency in pickup will let you adjust what you're demonstrating to the specific girl you're with - and know exactly what to demonstrate.

Cultivating Deservedness:

Part of attraction is value. A large part. If you appear to have no value for her life, something that she'd specifically want, than it doesn't matter how much of the second part, deservedness, you cultivate.

But it is relatively easy to appear to have value. If you have even some semblance of "a life" then you've got some value. If you do some basic things to improve your life (or alternatively, the appearance of having improved your life) then value won't be your problem.

Attraction is not exclusively value. Value is a part of attraction, and necessary for it, but the second necessary component for attraction is deservedness.

Deservedness is broken into two parts: Attainability, and effort. Both require a comprehensive explanation and guidelines on how to produce these feelings in a woman.

Attainability, first, may confuse some. In all of life, people seem to strive for the unattainable. Something just a step beyond them.

But these things always seem to have some attainability to them. Think about it like this: While you may enjoy looking at a centerfold in a magazine, you are more likely to fall madly in love with the girl next door. Though a centerfold prompts a lot of physical attraction in you, you do nothing to actually GET the centerfold (well, most people...).

This comes down to an important concept called the Auto-Rejection Mechanism. In short, if someone believes they have no chance, they won't try. It's the reason master pick-up artists often struggle trying to pick up ugly girls: The girls have no sense of entitlement, so they don't let themselves get attracted and get hurt.

You can see examples with people aiming for a bit more than they have, too. The people that get very attracted to wanting a yacht are people that can either afford it or come close. Rarely will you see someone that is very poor strongly desire a yacht. Since it does not have attainability in their mind, they can not be seduced by the idea.

The second part of deservedness is effort. Specifically effort the woman puts in.

This is all based on the Cost-Value Conception. In short, Cost-Value says this: You will value something that costs a lot over something that costs little, largely irrespective of their real value. If you've ever won a stuffed animal at an amusement park or carnival, you know what I'm talking about. While you might not even take one for free if they're handing them out on the street as a promotion, by winning it at the carnival (putting in effort and probably more money than thing is worth) it gains a lot of value. The cost determines the value.

When a woman is forced to work for something, she will want it more. However, in the beginning, if she sees it as unattainable, she likely won't want it. This is largely true of men, too. While a man might like and desire a beautiful woman he sees passing, or a model, he's more likely to grow very attached to a woman he had sex with who broke up with him, or a woman who keeps saying she really likes him as a friend.

To make someone attracted to you, you simply need to have value and for them to feel deservedness. For value, you need value for their life. There are universally valuable/attractive things like confidence, charisma, health, wealth, loyalty, faith in oneself, purpose, fun, leadership, survival ability, and so on, there are also traits that are more or less valuable/attractive at different points in a woman's life. Some of these, like wealth and fun, are universally good but are larger priorities for some women than others. Other characteristics, like danger, eccentricity, risk-taking, and so on may be very attractive to certain women, but unattractive to others. It is a sad testament that even many traits that are mostly UNattractive are attractive to certain people, such as abuse and control. These people are mentally unhealthy, and though I advise you to stay away from them, it's worth noting that sometimes negative traits may be attractive to certain types of women at certain points in their lives.

For deservedness, make sure they feel you are attainable. This would mean not demonstrating all kinds of value to them without them knowing why: This makes you look desperate most of the time, but the worst part is that it can make many normal women feel insecure and that you're unattainable even when you do it well! Solid screening and qualifying can increase their sense of your attainability if you know how to target your questions and responses. The "special advantage" that Vincent is always talking about making her feel like she has is another good way.

The second part of deservedness is having her put in effort. If a woman works for a man, even just a bit, she'll be more attracted to him and want him more. Over time, you can use this to change the compliance scales between you two and make sure you keep getting compliance out of her. The result will be that she feels she's earned you and wants to keep you. If you continue to bed a woman for long periods of time, and she isn't helping you build your lifestyle, then you may run into problems where she isn't putting in enough effort and doesn't feel like she's worked for you, and therefore deserves you. So she loses attraction.

Examples from The Game by Neil Strauss:

I choose The Game by Neil Strauss as a teaching tool for this article. It's a cool read, and instead of using anecdotes from my own life of which I'm obviously biased, I can use a well-known good guy and objectively point out why people are or aren't attracted to each other in the book. I'll use some short excerpts and reference the page numbers, so y'all can read up the background at home if you have a copy.


On pages 312-317, Neil starts doing an interview of Britney Spears, a very coveted celebrity. He gets her phone number in a feat of true prowess, but is waffling on calling her.

THE GAME PAGE 317:
>>>>>>>>>>>
"Just call her," Mystery constantly prodded me. "What do you have to lose? Tell her, 'Can you not look like Britney Spears? We're going to do some crazy shit, and we can't get caught. We're going to wear wigs, climb up to the Hollywood sign, and touch it for good luck."

"If I had met her socially, fine. But this is a work assignment."

"You're playing the game at another level now. When the article is finished, it isn't an assignment anymore. So call her."

But I couldn't do it. If it had been Dalene Kurtis, the Playmate of the Year, I would have called her back in a second. I had no fear of women like that anymore. I felt worthy. I'd proven that over and over since meeting her. But Britney Spears?

One's self-esteem can only grow so much in a year and a half.
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MY COMMENTS:

You see Neil deciding against calling her because he thinks she's unattainable. The telltale lines are, "I had no fear of women like that anymore. I felt worthy." (shows he feels Dalene Kurtis is attainable to him) And "One's self-esteem can only grow so much in a year and a half." (shows he doesn't think Britney is attainable)

Now, if Britney had wanted Neil, she could have fostered a sense of attainability about herself for him. A phone call or two, or perhaps something akin to some of the techniques we use to ground herself as an average person beneath all the celebrity. And if she had done that, Neil would have became much, much attracted to her than he was.

***

Towards the end of The Game, Neil becomes very attracted - and eventually goes completely exclusive for - a woman named Lisa. What did Lisa have that the other girls didn't? Well, she had value for his life, being beautiful, intelligent, and with a better personality than most of the girls Neil has met. And since Neil is a top-notch Pick-Up Artist, he feels all women are attainable: He's unlikely to feel an Auto-Rejection Mechanism except on the most elite of celebrities.

But what about work? At this point in the book, Neil is used to getting huge amounts of compliance from the women in his life. He runs his game for a while and they like it. He phase-shifts and kisses them. They begin to fall ga-ga for them, and if necessary, he uses his techniques to blast LMR and bed them. When and how he pleases.

THE GAME PAGE 365
>>>>>>>>>>
I held her eye contact and moved toward her for the kiss, holding the camera in front of us to capture it.

"I'm not kissing you," she barked.

The words scalded my face like hot coffee. There was no girl I couldn't kiss within a half hour of meeting her. What was her problem?

I froze her out and tried again. Nothing.

It is in these moments that, as a PUA, you start to question the work you've done on yourself. You begin to worry that maybe she sees the real you, the one who existed before the silly nickname, the one who wrote poems about this exact situation in high school.

I delivered a moving, impassioned performance of the evolution phase-shift routine. Somewhere in the distance, I heard a thousand PUAs applauding.

"I'm not biting you," she said.

I wasn't through. I told her the most beautiful love story ever written: "On Seeing the 100 Percent Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning" by Haruki Murakami. It is about a man and a woman who are soul mates. But when they doubt their connection for a moment and decide not to act on it, they lose each other forever.

She was ice cold.

I tried a hardcore freeze-out: I blew out the candles, turned off the music, turned on the lights, and checked my email.

She climbed into my bed, curled up under the covers, and went to sleep.

I finally I joined her, and we slept on opposite ends of the bed.
<<<<<<<<<<
MY COMMENTS:

There is no doubt at this point in the book that Lisa will end up with Style if she wants him. She has value for his life, he feels she is attainable to him, but he will be made to work for it. If he "catches" her in the end, he will be astronomically more attracted to him than if she had bedded him that evening.

The old addage that a woman must make her man wait to have her for him to respect her isn't necessarily true. But it is one of the simplest and easiest ways of making a man work to get her and become more attracted.

The only way, the absolutely only way Lisa could lose Neil at this point in the novel is for his sense of attainability to fall off. This would be a difficult proposition, but because Style is a man of some character and self-esteem, he won't hang around forever if she makes it clear she won't be his. The value is there. He's worked for her. Now, if she keeps herself appearing attainable, she can have him when she likes him.


THE GAME PAGE 368:
>>>>>>>>>>
So we [Neil and Lisa] spent another platonic night together. It was driving me crazy. I knew she liked me. But she wouldn't get intimate. I was teetering on the border of being LJBF'ed.

Maybe I just wasn't her type. I imagined her with tattooed, muscle-bound, leather-jacketed Danzig types, not a scrawny metrosexual guy who had to take pickup workshops. She was killing me.

For the first time since I'd learned the word one-itis, I knew that I was doomed. No one ever gets his one-itis. He gets too clingy and needy and blows it. And, sure enough, I blew it.
<<<<<<<<<<
MY COMMENTS:

At this point, Neil is questing whether she's attainable or not. And then when she blows him off later, leaving him at the airport with a limo, liquor, and a fancy date planned, his sense of her attainability is near-gone. He continues to pursue her, but details on page 372 that he leaves a message for her and she doesn't call back.

Neil does his thing, and goes on a little tear of his own, sleeping with a bunch of different women. He thinks of Lisa from time to time, but you can even see what happens in the pacing of the book: There's barely a mention of her for the next 24 pages as he talks about sleeping with other women and all the ProHo drama. Though no one can be sure, pick-up artists would like to think Neil didn't spend all his time pining over Lisa in the days that passed until he ran into her again. Though this will happen occasionally with women, most of the time high self-esteem men won't think constantly over a one-itis once the sense of attainability is gone. At the very least, they're unlikely to take rational action unless the woman first makes a move of her own.

Which Lisa does, incidentally. If you've read the book, you know what happens. She shows up in her convertible, and Neil is ecstatic. She expresses interest in him on page 396 and his sense of her attainability is back.

THE GAME PAGE 410:
>>>>>>>>>>
[Strauss:] "So what made you drive up the hill the other day to see me again?"

[Lisa:] "while you were gone, I realized how much I missed you." I loved watching her lips part over her front teeth when she talked. It made me think of salmon on rice. "My friends were making fun of me because I was counting down the days until you came home. I actually went grocery shopping while you were gone so I could cook you food. I don't know why." She hesitated and smiled, as if she were offering information she'd never planned to divulge. "I bought a fresh piece of swordfish and had to throw it away because it went bad."

A warm flush of confidence filled my chest. So I still had a chance with this girl.
<<<<<<<<<<
MY COMMENTS:
Neil, again, sees Lisa as attainable and you can actually see him immediately feel attraction! She says she misses him, and then he thinks about how much he loves watching her lips part over her front teeth. He analogizes it to salmon on rice.

This is going to lead to more effective seduction on her part: She likes him, and with all the work she's made him put in, she has a definite shot at exclusivity with a top-notch pickup artist if she wants it. Her own "game" is definitely top of the line.

The rest of pages 410 and 411 are provide even better examples. Why did Lisa act the way she did and lose attraction for Neil? She, herself, wasn't sure about his attainability. She was thankfully sure enough to reengage him, but there was a little mixup that caused her Auto-Rejection Mechanism to set in - and tell a guy that she liked that he had no chance.

She's not rejecting Neil, she's rejecting HERSELF! This is what happens when the sense of attainability is removed.

THE GAME PAGE 410
>>>>>>>>>>
"But it's too late," she said. "The window was open with me, and you blew it."

David DeAngelo would have said to go cocky funny here. Ross Jeffries would have said not to buy into her frame. Mystery would have said to punish her. But I had to ask: "How did I blow it?"

"First off, you didn't call me when you came home from Miami. I had to go to you."

"Hold on. I thought you were blowing me off. You never even called while I was away."

"Well, your voice mail said you were out of town and you weren't receiving calls, so I didn't leave a message."

"Yeah, but I would have returned your call. I wanted to hear from you."

"Then you came to Whiskey Bar and hardly talked. And the last straw was when we went to your house to go surfing. I told Sam I was starting to like you again and she said, 'Get over it. When I went up to his room to use the bathroom, I found a used condom on the floor.'"

My brain leaped up and slapped itself. I had been careless: I'd forgotten to throw away the condom I'd used with Isabel. So that's what Sam and she were whispering about in the car on the way to Malibu.

"So then why did you agree to go out with me tonight?"

"You asked me out on a proper date. And you were a little nervous, so I figured you must really be into me."

I propped myself up on the pillows. I was about to say the most AFC thing of my life. "Let me tell you something. The pickup artists have a word they call one-itis. It's a disease that people get when they become obsessed with just one girl. And they never end up with this girl because they get too nervous around her and scare her away."

"So?" she asked.

"So," I said. "You're my one-itis."

We were looking each other in the eyes now. I could see hers sparkle. I knew mine were sparkling. It was time to kiss her.

There were no lines, no routines, no evolution phase-shift--I'd tried them all unsuccessfully anyway. I leaned in. She leaned in. Her eyes closed. My eyes closed. Our lips met. It was just like I'd always thought a kiss was supposed to begin.

For hours, we lay there making out and dissecting the connections and misunderstandings of the past few weeks.
<<<<<<<<<<
MY COMMENTS:

You can see her ARM (Auto-Rejection Mechanism) in motion. "I told Sam I was starting to like you again and she said, 'Get over it. When I went up to his room to use the bathroom, I found a used condom on the floor.'"

"I told Sam I was starting to like you again" is a classic example of attraction rebuilding. Neil invites Lisa surfing, so Lisa thinks Neil is attainable. Attraction grows. But then Sam tells Lisa about the condom on the floor. Attainability fades. Attraction fades.

BUT, Neil Strauss is a man of exceptional character, and shows why he's been crowned one of the best pick-up artists of this era. Though he's not exactly sure why, he knows intuitively that David DeAngelo's advice is based on making her work for him, which isn't the answer. Ross and Mystery are suggesting to do things that demonstrate traits of independence and choice, which also isn't necessary.

So Neil opens up and shows Lisa he's attainable. He goes as far as to tell her that he's obsessed with her: And it works. The value for her life was there (Neil's a great guy with a good career and lots of interesting stuff going on). She's had to work for him, charming and seducing him. When he shows her that he's attainable to her, she falls for him.

Deciding to be faithful now, Strauss sets about dumping his other girlfriends.

THE GAME PAGE 411:
>>>>>>>>>>
"So you're choosing her over me?" Isabel asked angrily.

"It's not an intellectual choice."

"Is she better in bed or something?"

"I don't know. We've only kissed."

"So you made out with some girl," she said, with a weak attempt at a cruel laugh, "and you want to get rid of me now."

"It's not that I want to get rid of you. I'd still like to see you, but as a friend." I could hear the word pierce her heart like a dagger, as it had my own heart so many times before I'd joined the community.

"But I love you."

How could she love me? She needed to go fuck a dozen other guys to get over her one-itis.

"I'm sorry," I said. And I was.

There is a downside to casual sex: Sometimes it stops being casual. People develop a desire for something more. And when one person's expectations don't match the other person's, then whoever holds the highest expectations suffers. There is no such thing as cheap sex. It always comes with a price.
<<<<<<<<<<
MY COMMENTS:

Neil, in a way, touches on value and working for someone here. Neil has more value for Isabel's life than Isabel has for Neil's life. And Isabel has worked harder for him (been more compliant for lower rewards, as per Vincent DiCarlo's Value/Compliance model) than he has for her. The two combined together means she feels she deserves him and is attracted to him - so of course it hurts. Many men that read this will understand how Isabel felt.

While it's not nearly as common for women to feel this pain as men, it does happen. She was attracted to him: Neil had value for Isabel's life, and she felt she deserved him (he was attainable because she had already been bedding him, she worked to get him by accepting terms she didn't like such as non-exclusivity).

Or I could be completely, totally off-base with my comments, and other stuff was going on.

Though I won't ruin the specifics, I'll let you know there is a happily-ever-after to this book, and Neil and Lisa do metaphorically ride off into the sunset together.

As for creating attraction in your own life, remember this formula:

Attraction = Value + Deservedness

Value is the value for her life. Cultivate the appearance of all universally attractive traits, and selectively demonstrate specific traits to specific women.

Deservedness is comprised of two elements. The first is attainability: If a woman thinks you are unattainable, her Auto-Rejection Mechanism will kick in. She'll blow you off so she doesn't feel hurt, and then backwards-rationalize it, halting attraction from growing and sometimes killing it all off. So you must let feel that you are potentially attainable. Conscious tactics for this include screening, qualifying, and making her feel like she has a special advantage. It can also be accomplished with looks and certain body language and tonality.

The second part of deservedness is the woman working to earn you, the cost/value conception. When someone works hard for something, they feel like it should be belong to them and it's to be prized. She'll feel like she deserves to be with you and she'll be attracted to you because of it.

Use these teachings wisely, friend. I documented some examples and you can see how negative emotions ran through some good people because of some missteps in attracting each other. These techniques can be a bit powerful and can mess with a woman's head, so do make sure to, as Neil puts it, not violate Ross Jeffries' only ethical rule of seduction: Leave her better than you found her.


Yours,
Sebastian Dimitri Drake
Swashbuckling Pick-Up Artist

as seen on Fast Seduction

Gunwitch: The key to masculinity

Women are feminine, men are masculine. This can escape us all sometimes that this is basic first fact of what attracts women to men when we over complicate things.

If you have read my other materials you know I advocate sexual state as a state to project to women. You see when someone is dominated at a personality level they will attempt to match the state of the individual they feel "lesser" than.

Think of white women who hang out with "ghetto" black people. they match that state.

Masculinity itself as a state of being and personality trait can cause this same effect on women.

The right internal beliefs and mindsets are key for this: from my book,


THE MASCULINE MAN

We stripped you of all the negative conditionings and behaviors in the foundations section.

Now we must move past just not being ****ed up in the head, but actually “good in the head”. Attractive in mindset, not just neutral and natural, will be our goal in this lesson.

When stripped of your negative conditionings you are left with well, just a bit of character most times. Hence the need for the themes of conversation based on TV, music, movies, celebrities etc until you fill in the blanks with your own interesting stories lacking any negatives of conversation.

Negative conditionings are what we tend to be raised on and fed as our persona all our lives, so of course letting go of them kind of left you “neutral” in nature, good of course because neutral doesn’t **** things up like negative conditioning does.

But what is attractive to women? Aside from of course biological drive to have a penis inside them and the pleasurable friction such causes?

What is basic FIRST fact we are dealing with of WHO women **** and whom they don't?

Women are attracted to men. Masculinity, all that is a man, is what they are attracted to. Surely women by nature are attracted to what puts in, what moves forward, what dominates. As by nature women take in and are penetrated. Psych 101 there.

This that I am telling you isn’t very “women dominate men are losers” politically correct, but women’s of course first basic nature is to “take in” to submit, to be lead.

Notice if you will for a second as well that these “STRENGTH” and dominance-thinking women tend to be A. homosexual “butch” types or B. ugly females who are not catered to or pampered, they are not feminine, they are heavily lacking in femininity actually, so viola, the try to embody masculinity as their first character trait as a retaliation and to make it through the world easier.

Notice how the best-looking stereotypically/most feminine women lack dominance, masculinity and “toughness” of any kind. They have never needed it in any way as they have always been catered to and pampered.

When faced with any resemblance of masculinity/dominance/toughness, lacking the negative conversational frames of foundations section, such as talking about what I am right now heh, what do they do? They FOLLOW and bend their will and giggle and go girly. A good thing as this is part of her femininity you connect with when you get her feeling this way rather than neutral.

OF course this leads us to our next question.

What makes a man a man and woman a woman? To get the most attractive, most feminine of women surely we want to be what she is lacking to bring out what she is. A MAN. Masculine.

What makes a man a man besides a penis? That is the question that must be answered here to get a working strategy for your personality, your character your way of acting. Simple analysis of your ideals and what you are lacking and what you desire will help a lot, but a working strategy is needed for getting closer to this ideal.

Testosterone, Inner beliefs of a non-feminine nature, a view of the world based on being a male and how being that is perceived, maturity rather than adolescence. Certainly all these things make a man a man. A man isn't by nature “lame clueless loser who thinks he is less than a woman and therefore should be good passive little *****”.

Getting your **** together as a MALE:

What is your life? What is it? What do you do? Who have you become?

You go sit on a pad all day and type keys, or you sit on a telephone all day.

You eat a lunch of fried potatoes and seaweed flavored like beef wrapped in enriched whole flour.

What scares you daily as cavemen were?

You jerk off to other people having sex on a screen.

You go to the doctor if you find a mole you didn't see before and worry for a week.

You want women you are told to want, not what you lust for and most desire.

You worry what other people think of you in petty matters.

You wonder if you punched someone in the face if they'd just stand there and laugh at you?

This does not make for testosterone production or masculine behavior. These are not male behaviors.

This is not the lifestyle of a natural man. Cavemen got laid with little or no thought and they in no way engaged in the above behaviors.

Now I'm not going to tell you to quit your job, run off to the mountains and hunt your food with a spear. Though a month of that could do you wonders I guarantee.

Instead LIFT WEIGHTS. Labor and use of your body, release of endorphins and effects on testosterone, insulin, masculinity and too much to go in to here is DIRE.

You could take testosterone injections and end up with tits but working the WHOLE body will increase it naturally. People are not meant to be sedentary.

The last 50 years advances in labor saving machines and economic growth have taken a major toll on most men as natural masculine males. You do not have to build a ton of muscle or workout 5 days a week. Just LIFT SOMETHING other than bags of groceries and do it regularly this will increase testosterone.

Lifting weights will not make you a masculine macho man right off the bat by any means. This will at least start on your way to getting the chemicals in your body on the right track for a more masculine behavior base however.

Eat right. Well this isn't possible for most. But drink plenty of water and give an effort to lay off the white stuff though. Breads, pastas, rice, sugar and enriched flour are not natural for our system. I have been doing this WELL before any recent diet fads and it does work to keep fat off, eat enjoyable food and also to make you more vigorous.

This isn't some crackpot idea, the science backs it up that not eating these things will increase testosterone and natural balances in the body. So really they more restore them to NORMAL. Normal being when men were men, not overfed veal. Both eating right and lifting weights unless you have a weight problem already will keep you lean and attractive looking socially as well as biologically to women.


Take a risk man. Not even a REAL risk is needed, just get that ticker going now and again.

Get in a martial art where you will compete with other men or even have a game of hardcore rugby (more dangerous but just as good), or hell if you want go fight club and start fighting your buddies in the back yard.

Go sky diving, bungee jumping, go on a roller coaster, and go camping alone in the woods.

These kinds of things as well increase testosterone, fear creates it at biological and psychological levels, again too much to go in to at a chemical and psychological level.

Even better is that they have an immediate effect on your sense of self-being a man not a boy, an adventurer or warrior not a "technical support" or "student" guy.

Quit masturbating all the time PLEASE. Masturbating to porn was by far not natural or normal, common everyday male behavior up until 20 years ago or less. It still is not natural. Lack of orgasm tells your body it isn't mating, this causes increased testosterone levels to make you more aggressive in finding a mate. An orgasm with a woman on the other hand INCREASES testosterone levels from the excitement.

Masturbating will also negatively impact your level of persistence heavily as a side “bonus”. Of course when you masturbate you are not as horny and don’t want the sex as much. Not really wanting sex, as much, will make you say “ahh hell with it then” and not even try to get a connection at a conversation level.

If you do the things above, exercise; eat well, abstain from masturbation and do things that are challenging to you what good does it do? You are forming your “sun” by doing these things. More on this “sun” talk later.

Forming your sun isn’t enough to make you hyper attractive to women of course; you will also need your “body”. Not your physical body, far from it really. In this metaphor your body is what you think, what your core beliefs are. We wiped clean all those bull**** ways of thinking as a foundation; lets replace them with some powerful ones now to get you on your way to an advanced level of attraction with women.

The way you think is of major impact on what you are able to project ******ds in a congruent manner.

Here are some examples of the way a guy can think that make him more masculine, hence more attractive to women. Becoming “natural male” or “natural man” is the next step to being more attractive to women after becoming “neutral man” that followed “ conditioned male”

1: Natural mans picture of himself is not as a boy: Soft living and pampering, from womb to coffin we are given. We are saved when we need saving and listened to when we cry. Natural man doesn't have this perception. When he thinks "me" he doesn't think he is young or a child or a boy. He sees himself as a man. You are an adult a grown up.

Act accordingly. Don't be crying about ****, if somebody didn't ****ing drop dead don't be crying. Don't be hanging on women like they are your mothers. There are 500 of these children like behaviors, to many to list. Being aware of it in the first place is all it takes. Its called not being a ***** ass little boy. You get your "sun" these things don't happen as much anyways. Still be aware of thinking like a MAN and an adult, not something weak or helpless.

2: Other men are not superior to you. Natural man would have none of this. Get your sun in place and it'll come. To offend another man is to possibly have to fight. All it means to offend another man. SO WHAT. You don't giggle or even crack a smile when someone makes a joke at your expense, they don’t like that? TOO bad, you are MALE; you can and will compete for respect.

People used to like it when you made jokes about yourself? TOO bad, they'll get focused eye contact from you now, not jokes and you giggling at the floor. You aren't looking for trouble, but you aren't going to avoid it either less its REAL dangerous.

Even then, that gangbanger with the gun in his waistband who's house you ended up at for some reason might just shoot you for being a “little wimpy punk ass” in his eyes when you talk about "I'm such a tight ass square white boy".

You MUST KNOW that you wont giggle or be passive enough to get out of some biker bar where they have decided to strip you naked and drag you around the parking lot behind their motorcycles. Extreme sounding I know, but some guys are WAY too passive when they shouldn’t even be considering if someone would take kindness for weakness or not.

So be a MAN and don't “look for trouble” but also don’t try so damn hard to avoid it, when you do it makes you come off like an insignificant ant, especially while it’s happening. Natural man is no victim.


Thought 3: You don't take any **** from anyone with a smile. Usually you wont take any **** at all, but if you are backed in to a corner hands tied and your balls in a vice, you don't grin and bear it, you just bear it.

You do this because you have an imaginary audience. This life you are living is the movie, you are the main character. This life is no comedy; you take life seriously when serious situations arise. You are the leading man in every story. You only take the scripts that suit you. You MUST live up to this audience, your entire self is watching! Yeah the situation may pass with you no worse for it in body or health, you know this at an intellectual level.

YOU however are watching though, and every time you swallow the “**** you’s” life hands you without some amount of dignity and masculinity it takes a toll in how you see yourself and project yourself to others. Living in a passive or comedic or “I’m just the loser of the piece way”? Pffffffft. That's when you aren't so serious and are just making a cameo appearance as a big time leading man in some stupid comedy. Passing through.

4. Willpower is what natural man uses for almost every aspect of his life. Ask any woman this. Of any character trait what would be THE one that is most desirable? If it isn’t recommended they won’t say it, but they feel it at a very core level, the ability to manifest ones willpower when its needed is a very attractive thing. Women give up, women submit, women cry and beg when they are scared, women stop trying. Not ALL women ALWAYS in EVERYTHING, I’m not politically correct or feminist friendly but I know women do sometimes muster SOME willpower. In general though, meeting feminine women with strong willpower? Nope, doesn’t go hand in hand.

The naturally attractive male has this, and if mentioned any woman would put it first as what she “needs to complete” or “what’s attractive”.

Natural man can bust his ****ing ass and really bring the willpower to provide for his family in hard times.

Natural man doesn’t let his woman get felt up, maybe carried away and raped by a bigger stronger man, he gets the willpower up that says “I’ll TAKE IT instead cause I can hack it” and comes to her defense.

Natural man can wrestle that dog attacking his kids, HER kids, overcoming his fears by sheer willpower, and not roll up in a ball and go “ouch” while it bites off the kid’s testicles and his woman’s throat out.

Bit grim I know heh, but though something like this doesn’t happen often in reality at a psychological level it does when you get punked around.

Demonstrations of weakness affect the women you are involved with at a primal level. When you say “I quit that job cause it made my feet sore” she doesn’t think “me and my young starving to death”, but a certain something is lost in the way she thinks of you.

When she hears you say “job sucked but I did what I had to do until I could get in to something better” she doesn’t hear “good provider” but a certain level of “damn I wouldn’t have done that, this guys got something I don’t to bring to our “male-female table”” is felt.

5. Natural man is dominant. Maybe second only to willpower. Natural man just doesn’t look down first. Like when 2 sets of eyes meet, especially yours and hers.

Getting her in bed isn’t as simple as a trick like that, though the eye contact and who breaks it first is something to be mindful of.

Natural man isn’t afraid to fight, isn’t afraid to compete, isn’t afraid to tell someone else to shut the **** up, or quiet down in a movie theatre who wont quit talking.

There’s a reason “bad boy” or yard bird types are attractive to women, they have a strong dominance, combined with stupidity of course that says “I don’t care if I’ll go to prison I’m going to run this ****er off the road for flipping me the bird”. You only need the dominance part. Women don’t pay attention to the stupidity element in a positive way anyhow, unless it’s some roadpig biker skag or someone who goes for that sort of idiocy.

Most veteran police officers possess this dominance, some, though fewer and fewer these “Pussified” days, military men have it. Most any boxer you meet will have this. A HUGE recommendation I can make is get in boxing classes.

Dominance is what women lack most of ANY one trait aside from a penis. Again this course isn’t catering to feminist brain washings. Go research for a month and name 10 great female leaders of rebellions through dominance of troops and other powers, or hell even 10 female civil rights leaders. I will name 5 to 1 with NO research males who did the same thing or more.

None of the 50 I named would have been lacking in sex life, even FAR before they did their deeds.

Women have many many fine virtues. Ability to relate to others, reverse engineered thinking capacity, compassion, empathy. Roles have gotten reversed and tweaked out of balance though. No fate in my opinion, but genetically we are built for different tasks in this life.

Not knowing the roles has not only hurt men, but also women in that men aren’t men for them anymore. The most dominant and usually lesbian feminists didn’t just empower women to higher purposes than “cook and clean and make babies”, they also slipped in the agenda of taking all the men away at a mental level.

Natural man dominates with no concern of being seen as “a brute from the wrong time period”. Natural mans only concern when it comes to domination of others is his freedom (is it legal) and the greater good of all involved (if he is of ethics). Natural mans concern is not if “will the brain washed by feminists people think I’m trying to be a macho manly man”.

A macho manly man is something to aspire to be. Not something to fear being looked at as socially in a negative light. So natural man doesn’t cry for the children of poverty stricken Ethiopia, so natural man doesn’t read poetry or listen to folk music? He doesn’t give a ****, and knows because so many women want to **** him, those women only SAY they give a **** about such things in a man.

Women can find a sensitive new age sweater wearing candy and flowers hugs and kisses for babies guy in every suburban apartment and office building.

The natural man however, with a brain (not in a penitentiary), who can still be lighthearted in a normal conversation without being a tight ass or getting fiery or intense? Rare animal. THAT’S how you want to be unique for women, and in no other way.

From this "state", I "" state as it is more a personaltiy trait and lifestyle than a "state", is where you project sexual state as in my methods and get her to match you, hence become turned on, attraction achieved!

as seen on So Suave

Dimitri: The Key to Loyalty - Distractions and Solutions

If there's one thing I'm able to do well, it's get loyalty in my relationships. It was a hard-won battle, though... if any of y'all know my story, I got into the game when my girlfriend whom I loved dearly slept with one of my friends.

It put me into a slump for a while, but eventually I crawled out and started working on my social skills. And the ride's been amazing... one of the best things to ever happen to me.

But even months, maybe years into my development, I was sleeping with girls but not able to convert them to girlfriends. I was doing something 'wrong'.

As it turns out, it's one of the reasons I reached the level I'm at. Of the first half-dozen, dozen women I slept with after getting into the community, there's a few I'd have settled with if they'd have settled with me.

But they didn't. That nagging problem. Sex but no conversion. No girlfriend. No loyalty.

Over time, I developed the skills to hold down relationships through trial and error, and actually came to excel in them. When you start off below average in something and work hard, you've got a lot of potential to get very good if you're driven.


Now, the exciting part.


Recently, I've been codifying what I do to convert my girls so well. To get such loyalty. I want something done? I snap my fingers, it's done.

Open loyal relationships, where I sleep with other women, she knows it, and most of them don't sleep with over men. Not to the mention that the girls cook for me, come over to my place and clean it when I tell them to, take me to dinners and buy me gifts.

And of course, sex when, how, and how much I want, whenever I want, however want. That's just a given.


My paradigm:

Everyone has problems in their life. All people are unhappy about some stuff, some of the time. Even the most together people around, when you get to know them well, have plenty of problems.

There's only two ways to deal with these problems we have. You distract yourself from them, or you find a solution to them. Either you're doing nothing, or doing something.

And everyone likes both distractions and solutions.

The key is, you must work in a general positive direction on your problems. Control your distractions, or even make them positive ones like exercising or a creative project on the side.

This isn't difficult.

But the key to loyalty in relationships is that you must be a solution for the girl, not a distraction. Or at least perceived as such.

Men try to fix problems in a logical way. You might too.

But often this isn't the best way to fix a woman's problems. I'll refer you to the readings of Franco Zarathustra on this one, his writings on here are very comprehensive on how to deal with women and be a positive force on their life without falling into traditional "guy problems".

So if you want real loyalty, you must be seen as a solution for the woman. You don't have to be actively fixing her problems.

You just need to be a solid bastion in her life, or seen as a potential solution down the road. If you can make her feel safe or protected, you're acting as a solution. If she sees you as a potential marriage partner, she sees you as a solution. If she is a better person around you, who can express her hopes and dreams, you're a solution.


So what was I doing wrong before?

I was acting purely as a distraction. My old style of socializing with women was all about entertainment in the early stages, and hedonism if it got any further than that.

I made her forget her problems for a bit.

But I never acknowledged that she had any problems in her life. Or that I did.

It was just a fantasy. If you're just a distraction to her, she can toss you for any other distraction. Liquor, entertainment, other men, drugs, whatever.

If you're a solution, she'll become extremely loyal. To the point where she'd give her life to save yours.


Now allow me to give some credit to my good friend Woodhaven. When I was breaking down my this conception to him a bit back, he and I started talking, and we flushed out another element of the solution/distraction idea.

Everyone needs distractions in their life to some extent. And the more reliant on distractions someone is, the more they need to function.

Strong people with a good focus can interact positively with each other to the gain of both with minimal distraction. The more reliant someone is on distraction, they made need intoxicants to simply converse with someone on a basic level.


What this means in terms of gaming:

The more a woman's life is filled with distractions, the more of a distraction you'd need to be up front to bed her.

So if you don't want women of lesser mental and emotional caliber, play a game based strongly on mutual value, and make an effort not to be an entertainer. This will automatically screen out most low self-esteem women.

On the other hand, some of the hottest women turn heavily to distraction. Drugs, drinking, partying, men. If you want a woman like this, early game based on distraction/entertainment will be effective.

You need to balance the two. I, myself, do what I call two-tiered screening.

When I approach a woman, I like to keep the options of what I am and could be to her open. I find out if she's a girl that's capable of mutual value escalation (a term for two people benefiting at the same time, and neither losing) and if she's a quality girl.

If she is, I won't entertain. I'll relax, talk with her, and keep it light and fun. When the moment is right, I'll bed her, then I'll hold her close and tell me everything she holds close to her.

I'll rock her back and forth and let her cry in my arms. Even if I don't do anything specifically to fix her problems, she will feel my strength and feel safe and grounded.

That's best-case for me.

On the other hand, if she fails the first round of screening, but I'd still like to bed her for some reason I'll go to playing a game based on distraction and entertainment. I'll focus on having a high impact, charged encounter, with lots of outrageous stuff.

This approach is about being the best distraction available to a woman. Being more fun than drinking and drugs, and more of a good time than any of the other guys around.


If your goal is to sleep with as many women as possible, becoming the best distraction from their lives will help in your promiscuity.

If your goal is to cultivate loyalty and solid relationships, then becoming a solution by self-improvement and game based on being a leader and mutual value is the answer.

If your goal is to sleep with any particular woman, or have a very high conversion rate, then you need to become good at assessing the balance of distraction and solution the specific woman in front of you has.


There are masters of all three of these arts. And they are all useful, wonderful things to learn.

If you want to the learn the game that'll help you attract beautiful women, especially those in high-distraction areas like nightclubs, I recommend the writings of Mystery and Tyler. They have some powerful things to this end, especially to help stand out against your environment and competition.

If you want loyalty in the end, you'll need to be able to transition your role in her life from distraction to solution. To that end, I suggest reading Player Supreme. He has some excellent writings on this, and blends spirituality and practicality well.

If you want the highest of conversion rates, read about men who subtly demonstrate that they can be a solution through light, subtle and playful distractions. Men like Razorjack, Woodhaven, and Zan excel at this - It's a style where your distractions themselves communicate that you could be a solution, and while difficult to grasp at first, is very rewarding.


These styles aren't mutually exclusive: They simply take a while to learn, but the effort is well-worth it. If you can master all three, you can get literally anything you want from women anywhere in the world by snapping your fingers.



Grandmaster Dimitri, Swashbuckling Pick-Up Artist

as seen on Fast Seduction

Badboy on relationships

As soon as you have made love with the girl, you can consider that as the moment any relationship starts. It's as big a shift as when you originally went from not knowing her to opening her and getting into conversation.

If you decide that you want to keep her for a longer period of time after you've slept with her – say weeks or months -- then the first month is critical. The foundations of the relationship, the image of the entire relationship is going to be created within the very first month. So be very careful about what you do, and how you behave towards her in that time.

You see, women are programmed by default to have monogomaous relationships. You can do two things about this: accept it and go along with it, or create new rules and reprogram the girl to follow them. Now if you really like her, and want to stay in a monogamous relationship with her, it’s basically very easy. Just see her a few times a week, and have sex with her regularly. If you want to keep her, you will need to give her sex regularly. That means, at least 2-3 times per week. If you are new to the game, or really young. I suggest, you experience a few monogamous long term relationships like this, perhaps for 3-5 months. You will learn a lot about them. [Dumas insertion: but be careful if they start to go beyond 5 months. We are programmed by nature to fall in love for a reason, so that we stay with a girl long enough that children can be raised. But that’s not a good thing if you want to be a really good seducer. You have to be careful, when your relationship starts going beyond 5 months, that you aren’t becoming emotionally enslaved by the girl. Just pay attention, to who sets the rules in the relationship.]

If you want to establish a relationship with two or more girls, the first consideration is your time. Trust me, it’s time-consuming. Seeing every girl twice a week, and giving her 5-6 hours per meeting, your free time is going to entirely disappear!! Anyway, if you decide you want this, begin your relationship with the first girl so that you prepare the territory for the other girls that you will add into your life. That means establishing rules and boundaries in the relationship. For example; how much you are going to see each other. If you see her every day, when will you have time for the others? Now it’s important that you don’t discuss your rules verbally, because then she will argue. Let her realise the rules by your behavior.

After you’ve slept together, don’t see her too often. Every day is way too often, because once she gets used to seeing you everyday, you will have problems cutting it back to a few times per week. NO matter how much you like her, or love her, don’t do it if you plan to have other girls in your life or you want to live a normal life with time for yourself. Set up your life, so that you see her 2 or 3 times a week. That way you can have time for other girls. You can do this just by being busy. You don’t need to explain them why you cannot see them, just be busy. For example, the girl asks ‘when will we see each other?’, then just say…Saturday afternoon, or Sunday, whenever you wish. Of course you must give her some time in the week, because if you don’t give her sex, somebody else will. But don’t think she is going to figure out by herself how much you want to see her per week.

If you don’t take control of the relationship, she is going to do it, because somebody must. If you don’t want to take the ball and serve, somebody else will. And if you allow the woman to control your relationship, then she will do it the way she has been programmed by society, and nature. And this programming is powerful! So for example, she is going to control you by giving or withholding sex; she is going to forbid you from seeing other girls, she is going to give you powerful emotional outbursts like jealousy, to rob you of energy for doing anything outside the relationship, and other smart ideas they usually use to control guys. Once you establish a relationship with one woman and have some time to add a few more, you just need to find a girl you like, and invite her into your life by giving her sex regularly.

Once she suspects that you maybe do have other girls in your life besides her, you have a choice; to be honest about your lifestyle, or to hide it, and play it like there is no other woman in your life besides her. These are two completely different styles. I prefer being honest, but I’ve also experimented with being dishonest, and I suggest you try both ways, and for sure, you will lose some girls, until you learn how to play it right. It takes some time. Don’t let it make you frustrated, because time is necessary to learn how to control a harem. If you choose to hide it, then that game is really easy; deny everything and keep your place clean. They have the instinct of marking their territory, by leaving their hair, panties, earrings, and other things, to signify that you are taken. Again, they act according to animal instincts. So always try to keep your place clean, otherwise you are in deep problems when one of them finds earrings or other things in your bed that don’t belong to her. It’s hard, but try it.

If you choose the other path, and admit openly that you have been sleeping with other girls, then you must be aware that lot of girls will not accept it. But at least you won’t have to keep cleaning your place all the time! They will not accept it, if they think you are not worth it. But if you give them the best sex on the planet, and they are sure they cannot find better, and they love you, of course they will choose to stay with you no matter what. If you go for it, you must be really strong, and your attitude must be like, it’s my way or the highway.

If you do it strongly, they will accept it, because they know that’s the way you are, and they cannot change you. So they are forced to accept it. If you hesitate, or you are insecure, no way will it work.
This way is really good if you have a good lifestyle. A lifestyle that they want to be part of. An excellent lifestyle is the foundation for long-term, crazy success in this game.

I found for myself that being honest, bold about my life and my decisions work the best. Of course every person on this planet is different. So its up to you what you choose, and you must decide based on how strong and secure you feel.

Now I want to tell you some very good news: all girls on this planet are bisexual! Some of them confess it openly, while the more brainwashed deny it. With some work, you can get any girl open to 3somes, and other cool things. I always tell my girls, so they are aware of who am I, and so they know what they can expect from me. Actually, I don’t need to tell them, they can detect it. It’s so obvious.

No matter how many of them you have (even if you only have one), they must always know they are replaceable.
That way they lose all the the power that society normally gives them in relationships.
But then, the attitude alone that they are replaceable is not enough, because if they figure out you are using them just for sex, they will disappear from your life.
So I make sure they know they are SPECIAL; special but replaceable. Every girl, no matter how many you have, should know that she is special. That will make her stick around you; but still, if she knows you have the skills to replace her, she will do everything to stay in your life.

When they do something I don’t like, something that I don’t appreciate, I will state the rules, so I am assured they will never do it again. I tell them:
You did this thing 3 times in your life!
First time
Last time
And never AGAIN!
Let me repeat you one more time:
First time
Last time
And never AGAIN!


A relationship is based on two things. Attraction and Rapport. After some time, the attraction disappears, and rapport is the only thing that keeps the relationship going. When I say rapport, I am referring to the three things that build rapport, and those are: Trust, Comfort and connection.
For some girls, a longer relationship based solely on rapport, is enough, but for other girls it’s not enough, and they will keep searching for attraction. And if they can’t find it in a relationship, they will search for it outside. Because a relationship based solely on trust, comfort, and connection becomes boring after a while. So they will find somebody outside the relationship who is going to give them adventure, wild sex, and dominance, but she will stay with the first guy in the relationship, because he provides comfort, and she can rely on him. Think about rich old guys that get married with young girls...but this is not a good situation for you to be in. On the other hand if you only give her attraction, like wild sex and adventures, and no rapport, she will find somebody who is going to give her those cute romantic feelings.

The key is to provide both attraction and rapport, over a longer period of time.
Then any girl will love you, and stay with you. Because you have everything that they need. If you achieve that, the girl will never cheat on you with anybody else, and she will never search for other things outside the relationship, because your relationship gives her everything she needs.

Giving her wild sex, being unpredictable, and doing adventurous things will give her the attraction she needs. Also, to cuddle, and sweet talk her after sex, and to give her some romantic experiences, like a dinner with candles and wine, will turn on the sweet side of the relationship with you. It’s like Ying-Yang. You must have both things.

This will help you to understand the most common situation that happens. A girl is with a nice guy in a relationship, and he provides her with anything, but she cheats on him anyway with some jerk. I heard this kind of story, millions of times in my life. It’s very easy to see why this happens.

Buying gifts just for her presence in your life is stupidity. Flowers, perfumes, and other things, she must receive only as a reward for her good behavior. So don’t buy those things, just for fun, so that she stays with you. She is going to stay with you because you are such an excellent guy, and she will get gifts only when she does something good. Like she invites other girls into your bed. Then certainly, she deserves a gift.

So fight the urge to buy her something, just because she gives you sex. Sex is normal. That’s how men and women communicate if they like each other. It’s not some kind of bonus, and only society bullshit makes us think that way.

Punish bad behavior that you don’t like by taking away sex, and not seeing her.

No matter how many girls you have, or how satisfied you are with your love life, you should from time to time go out and pickup other girls. Just for pure fun, and to keep you in the right mindset. When a girl knows you can go out and get another girl in 45 minutes, then she will do the best she can to stay in your life. She will buy you things, keep you oversexed. Just to stop you searching around for more.

A big problem happens when a guy that is so needy to get a girl in his life, thinks she will solve all his problems, so he’s searching, and searching, and every girl runs away when she smells how unhappy he is. Because she is also searching for somebody who is going to make her happy, so when she smells an unhappy guy, of course she is going to run away because he’s not somebody who is going to make her happy. If he cannot make himself happy, how he is going to make somebody else happy? So the key is first to fix your life, and prepare a kingdom where you are the ruler and can receive girls into the kingdom. A fucked-up, boring life, or a life full of anxieties and troubles which you haven’t dealt with, is not attractive for anybody, especially not for girls.

One thing that I see a lot is when a guy makes his girlfriend the centre of his life. Like, she is part of everything he does. This happens when the girl is your entire happiness, and when you get her, you build the whole of your life around her. This means that she is controlling your whole life, because she is aware of the power she wields, basically of the power you surrendered to her.

Sooner or later, she will become unhappy, because of the feeling that she is controlling you, and she is the source of your happiness, which is the opposite of what she wants.

She wants a guy that is controlling her, and that the guy and his life are the source of happiness.
If you place them at the centre of your life, you are giving them unbelievable power, and control. If the whole of your life is built around the girl, then if she leaves, (as usually happens) the whole of your life disappears. Because your happiness left you.

A far better way is this: build your life, so that the lifestyle you live makes you happy, and girls are orbiting around you, like planets orbiting around sun. Where you are the sun, and girls and hobbies are planets revolving around your day, and girls are just one of many cool things you do in your day, cool things that make you happy.

as seen on Badboy Lifestyle

Hitori: Social Status / Women Explained

A WORD OF WARNING: I'm a chick, so this is posted in Playettes. If I were a
guy, I would post it in Advanced, because if you're not getting laid already
this WILL NOT HELP YOU. Knowing how an airplane works doesn't mean you can fly
it.
With that said:
Chick logic makes sense.

THE BASIC PRINCIPLE
Chicks act at all times to _gain_ and _maintain_ social status. This is more
important to them than getting laid.

QUALITIES OF HIGH STATUS PEOPLE

-They are admired and desirable.
All manner of people fit into this category, and _to a certain extent_ it's
cyclical; if you have high social value you're admired, and if you're admired
you have high social value. On the other hand, there are all kinds of ways to
be desirable and admired; hot chicks fit into this category, but so do
politicians, rocket scientists, rockstars, PUAs, and rich men.
In this category HBs have the upper hand. Evolution has engineered men to pick
partners for health and beauty, so a nice set of tits WILL take you further in
this world than a nice set of pecs. Go figure.

-They are relaxed and confident
Confidence is VITAL to high social status. It doesn't matter whether you're
confident because you graduated from the school of hard knocks or because
you've had everything you ever wanted handed to you on a silver platter; if
you're confident, you are relaxed in the knowledge that you can handle whatever
life throws at you, and succeed at whatever you undertake.
You'll vibe this confidence at the people around you, and it will be a powerful
positive experience for them. HSE people will appreciate you, and LSE people
will desire or envy you.
Relaxation and confidence also means you're NOT NEEDY. This is good because
needy men tend to come across as either pathetic or dangerous.

-They behave naturally
This is what it means to 'be yourself', in the classic dating-advice sense. It
doesn't mean burp and fart and be depressing if you feel like it. It means
DON'T BE TRYHARD. I cannot stress this enough. Fake it till you make it, of
course, by all means, but for God's sake MAKE IT. Socially intelligent people
can -tell- when you are incongruent, and for women it's not just weird; it can
actually be alarming.
It implies that you're hiding something - possibly one of the more dangerous
low-social-status traits like fear, volatility, or disdain for the
unattainable.

-Their time and energy has value
If you have high social value, you recognize that your time and energy ALSO
have value. This means you're willing to cut off boring threads of conversation
- even with desirable people - and that you spend your time doing things that
are ultimately productive, either in fun-value or in other ways.
If some HB wanders off 'to the bathroom' or 'to go dance' on you, you have run
out of fun-value. Sorry, tiger.

-They are socially intelligent
If you are socially intelligent, you know the score. You can tell who is
tryhard and who is not, who gets laid and who doesn't, what it means when two
chicks eyecode each other, etc etc ad infinitum. You understand, intuitively,
who has social status and who doesn't, and what's going on when two people
flirt, and all manner of other things.
THIS MEANS YOU DO NOT HAVE TO VERBALIZE IT. FEELING YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT
AS IT HAPPENS SHOWS YOU ARE *NOT* SOCIALLY INTELLIGENT. FIGHT THE URGE.
This means no "You're flirting with me, aren't you?!"s, no "Your pupils are
dilated... They say that means women are turned on...".
HANDLE THESE PRONOUNCEMENTS WITH THE UTMOST CARE. People who recognize this
shit with regularity _do not need to talk about it_. When you go to a football
game with your buddies, do you all sit around going, "Look at that... He kicked
the ball into the endzone! That means a goal, right? Awesome! He made a goal!"
NO! YOU DO NOT. You know the score.
The bad news about social intelligence is that if you are a guy most chicks, by
and large, will have more of it than you. The good news is that it's an easy
skill to acquire; all it takes is a willingness to observe people interacting
and to TRUST the things you perceive this way. Most guys I know see many of the
same things that women do, but because they don't (at first glance) have a
clear logical framework to put them in, they ignore them as untrustworthy.

QUALITIES OF LOW STATUS PEOPLE
-They seek approval and acceptance
People with low social status suffer from a deficit of validation. Sometimes
they legitimately don't get the recognition they deserve, and suffer from
unwillingness or inability to reframe; other times it's because they're
neurotic and LSE and no amount of validation will ever be enough. Unable to
validate themselves, they seek approval and acceptance from other people.

-They are volatile and anxious
The world is a frightening place when you don't know what's going to happen
next and you don't know if you'll be able to deal with it, whatever it is.
People without confidence react to this great, frightening unknown with a level
of perpetual anxiety that they vibe at others. Driven by their own percieved
helplessness and rage, they will explode with fits of anger, or display
disproportionate fear; of women, of change, etc.

-They try to buy what they can't earn
In terms of social status, this is very important. People who don't understand
how to DHV will try to BUY approval. On ASF, this is known as supplication. It
DOES NOT increase your social status or make you desirable to women. If it's
clear you're trying to buy appproval, you will LOSE VALUE. A chick's reaction
to a man she does not already find desirable supplicating for approval is about
the same as YOUR reaction when you stop at a red light and some hobo goes to
squeejee your windshield for dollars. Maybe you'll give him your spare change,
sure - but what if he was asking for sex? Would you bang him?
I thought not.

-They disdain what they can't have
People with low social status disdain what they can't have. Helpless to attain
what they desire, they reject it pre-emptively instead.
This means men who hate hot women.
This means women who hate hot women.
This means UGs who hate the idea of anyone getting laid.
This means men who hate confident, competent men.

-They are NOT socially intelligent
People with low social status are not socially intelligent. If you misuse or
DON'T use kino, this is you. If you can't recognize an AI when it whacks you
upside the head, this is you. If you don't know when to escalate, this is you.

TRANSFER OF STATUS

These are general principles of things that will increase your social status.
If you don't have any in the first place, these -will not work-, I repeat,
-will not work-. They require a steady foundation of at least moderate
coolness. With that said...

YOU GAIN STATUS WHEN:
-Your worth is recognized and appreciated
The higher the social status of the person appreciating you, the more status
you gain. This is key. KEY KEY KEY KEY. Get out a highlighter, use it on your
computer monitor if you have to. Remember this.
THIS IS WHY SOCIAL PROOF WORKS.
Not only that; if you establish high value, women WILL RISK LOSING VALUE to
gain your approval. They'll gamble. They'll chase you.
This is also why, in those instances when you overqualify and DHV the fuck out
of some poor HB7 until she locks up, you MUST qualify her. If you do not
qualify her, you are obviously not recognizing and appreciating her genuine
merit - there is NO REASON for someone as cool as you to take a legit interest
in her. You are using her as a blow-up doll that moans.
The higher your social value, the more women will want you to recognize and
appreciate them. If you're a sufficiently cool PUA, women will try to snag you
for an LTR _even if they're not looking for an LTR otherwise_, just for the
implicit social proof you provide. This is purely social reflex. More to the
point, of course, they'll hook up with you.

-People seek your approval
When people qualify themselves to you, or visibly try to impress you, they are
being TRYHARD. But what this says to someone who knows the score is that you
have social value. You are worth impressing; more, to LookAtMeLikeMeDude, you
are worth losing status to impress.

-You display competence naturally
When you DHV without being tryhard, you gain cool-points. This isn't rocket
science, and should not require explanation.

-You cement someone's position beneath you
There are, essentially, three ways of cementing someone's position beneath you;
you can give them the carrot, give them the stick, or give them both at once.
For any of these to work, you must have the social status to back them up. This
doesn't create something from nothing; it broadens the divide that already
exists.
It's possible to display higher value than someone by being nice; if they seek
your approval and you grant it, or call them 'cute' or other
nice-but-diminutive-nicknames, or act - more generally - in a parental sort of
way. Also included here is genuinely helpful advice, on fashion or food or PU.
It's possible to display higher value than someone by being cruel; you can call
them out on their flaws or their low-status behaviors easily enough. There is a
danger, here, of seeming to snub because you envy. Envy implies uncoolness.
Finally, there exists the backhanded compliment or subtle snub. You out-AMOG
some guy like he's one of your best pals, and on the surface it's all in good
fun, but his value plummets and yours soars. Likewise, if you neg some chick or
use TD's Elastic Snapband Effect, her value -insta-drops- and because women are
-driven- to maintain social status, she will immediately hop-to to get it back
up. It's not about getting laid; the IOI, in this case, is all about value.

-You IMPLICITLY display social intelligence
IMPLICITLY. In other words, you THINK LIKE A CHICK. You eyecode. You
AMOG-destroy. You are part of the 'Secret Society'.
Here I'm going to back up on everything I've implied so far and say the
reverse; it's possible to explicitly display your social intelligence and make
it work. HANDLE WITH CARE, though. This is DANGER, WILL ROBINSON. If you don't
have the value to pull it off, you'll look like a creepy presumptuous loser.
If some chick is clearly trying to qualify herself to you, or transparently
DHVing, or even just struggling for your attention, you can neg-qualify her in
the following manner, playfully:
"It's okay, you don't have to (do that/try hard/whatever) to get my attention.
See?" Throw an arm around her, kinohug her. The first time a guy did this to
me, it hit me like a -bomb- of insta-hotness. By doing this, you simultaneously
A) drop her value relative to yours, B) grant her attention from a position of
power, and C) show you know the score.

-You screen
If you screen people who are attracted to you, you increase your relative
value. This is why women maintain that NO WOMAN EVER DELIBERATELY GETS LAID
with a man who is not wildly attractive and high-status. But WE know that of
course women get laid on purpose! It's not like that HB8 you did over the
weekend tripped, fell, and landed on your dick. If someone CHASES you, their
status is lower than yours. This is why you say, "Want to come over and look at
my stamp collection?" rather than, "Want to come over and have sex?". SLUTS
CHASE. Chicks with value are accustomed to screening. It's important for her to
maintain the illusion that she did not INTEND to fuck you, in order to maintain
her social value.
A good way to display social intelligence is to understand and accommodate
this. This is why explicitly acknowledging the seduction process is dangerous:
if it's out on the table, out loud, that you're trying to fuck her and she
-goes along with it anyway- she LOSES FACE because she's been UNMASKED as a
co-conspirator in your getting laid.
This is where chick logic comes from. I'll write another post on it, sometime.

YOU LOSE STATUS WHEN:
-You show outcome-dependence
When you show that you are outcome-dependent, you LOSE FACE. By demonstrating
outcome-dependence, you make it clear that you aren't having fun (which
high-status people do, remember) - instead you are gambling your time and
status in the hopes of pay-off in the form of sex with this chick who you
clearly regard as COOLER THAN YOURSELF. You are acknowledging her value. She is
the prize. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars.

-You try to buy approval
You supplicate. You imply that you don't know how to legitimately display your
own worth, so you need to resort to trying to buy the approval of those you are
implicitly acknowledging as being higher-value than yourself. If she wasn't
cooler than you, why would you care what she thought?

-Your position is cemented as below someone
You are out-amog'd. You are treated in a diminutive way. Some chick gives you
bad relationship advice and you eat it up without critical thinking. This is
all explained above, in the 'gaining status' section.

-You chase
Chasing is a _gamble_. Chasing is aggressive pursuit. It can succeed, sure -
but it allows the other person, the higher-status person, the chas-ee- the
ability to screen. They choose, you don't.
SLUTS CHASE. Women will avoid being labelled 'sluts' at all costs because they
are at the BOTTOM of the social totem-pole, with the WBAFCs. Sluts in the
traditional sense are women whose need for validation is so great that they
have gambled away all their buying power trying to fill it.
A woman who is perceived as slutty has a hard time finding quality ass because
quality ass is likely to screen _her_. She is a LAST RESORT FUCK.
Not only that, but other women (and men) on their way up the social ladder will
step on her, on the way. They will use her to reinforce their own superiority.
The 'slut' is a lightning-rod for the 'cement someone's position as below you'
method of gaining status.
Sad, but true.

WHAT THIS MEANS FOR THE PUA

For the PUA, this is GREAT. This is WONDERFUL. Why is this great for the PUA?
Because the PUA has -worked- for his social status, and he knows how he got it.
It was not delivered by the stork along with a nice set of tits, or trim and
shapely thighs and a button nose; no, he's invested field work and sweat and
other bodily fluids in getting good, and he is -good-.
Thus he can work women in ways that women are not equipped to work him.
Consider the following analogy; who's better off, a self-made millionare or a
lotto winnner? The self-made man! Why? Because he knows the value of his money,
and how to invest it and make it grow.
Some of this seems ruthless; be aware that women aren't thinking about it, when
they do it. For most women, this is all pure instinct.

as seen on Fast Seduction

GoneSavage: LR pt 3: Montreal: Flipping the Sexual Script

“Try not to become a man of success, but rather a man of value.” –Einstein

The next day HBfashiondesign sends an email. It’s rather neutral, but, hey, she sent it the very next day. And she’s making an effort at sustaining our friendship:

”I hope everything is going well for you...I'm actually at my mother's house and I was so tired from my day of work that I ended up sleeping till 4 pm this afternoon. I fell asleep outside on my terrace under the sun...and I just woke right now in my messy room. I don't work tomorrow so if you have something in mind, just call me. I would love to go kayaking near Tremblant on the lake...but I need to find the number...well we’ll see! Anyway, call me, alright?”

I call her and she tells me about a couple nice things: When she went to work, everyone noticed her smiling and her positive energy. Her roommates and friends commented that she seemed particularly happy and joyful. And her parents noted that, for whatever reason, she really seemed to exhibit an exuberant joie de vivre. How nice. We talked about getting together, but she was swamped with work and family commitments or whatever. Okay, no problem. We’re friends, and I think pursing a get-together at this point would broadcast a more-than-friends expectation.

I didn’t hear from her for six days. I don’t think I called her at all. If I did call, then I didn’t catch her and I know I didn’t leave a message. Didn’t send her any emails. Anyway, this was the week that I hit my remarkable sexual streak. Things truly exploded for me (as I am still documenting). I get an email on Sunday, July 31st:

”I keep wondering where you are because I didn't get any message from you or anything. I hope you're doing pretty fine....discovering the wonderful city of ours. The thing is: I'm an expert on every beautiful aspect and detail of Montreal, so you might consider giving me a call tomorrow during the day because I would love to see you for dinner or at night I suppose. Please leave me a message telling me when you are going to call me so I can make sure to be there when you do. Otherwise, you'll miss a beautiful night with me, with everything that comes with it. I don't work Tuesday and I’m going to be in Montreal for sure. I have to catch some sleep now (even though I'm supposed to go out again...) so that's it for me for tonight. Sleep tight, and you know what? I did go kayaking yesterday....it was surreal!”

I’m playing this LJBF thing cool, but fuck me if that “everything that comes with it” statement doesn’t look like an SOI. Okay, she’s Quebecoise, so I’m sure something’s lost in translation. Not going to read into things. So I call her Monday night and we make plans to meet in the Old Port on Tuesday.

Day3A

I almost missed her again. I picked a statue that I thought was the most obvious central landmark in the area. Of course, she’s at a different statue of which I had no knowledge. I wait like thirty minutes, call it a loss, and wander off to do my thing. Apparently she did the same. We run into each other in an area several bocks away, sort out the statue mishap, and walk together for several blocks. She’s with her friend—one of the initial girls from the bar.

They take me to this hotel that displays some poems of the city’s most well known poet. They’ve done a couple fashion shows here. I take some time to explore her interest in fashion design and learn that she is very passionate and driven to succeed in this area. I’m playing the ‘friend’ role and I’m not doing anything flirtatious except for maybe very casual kino, like a brush against her arm or a playful tap. My approach is about the same with the other girl, which I guess is a little flirty, since we have not established a friendship. I lead them to the terrace of this hotel, which they had never checked out.

Leaving, we get caught in a rainstorm. My girl starts dancing in the rain and kicking puddles for show. I love this zest and zeal that she has now. Very attractive. I walk the girls to their car. My girl invites me for dinner at her place later. She describes the pasta that she makes. Me: “That sounds cool, but I kinda have a date, so I’ll have to see how that goes. I think she might be making me dinner.”

Well, she’s not even shocked. She smiles and probes a little bit asking her name and how we met. (BTW, I did indeed have a date. It was the Day2 with the Italian girl that I lost on Day3. So sad.) She tells me to call her anyway to let her know if I would be coming for dinner or not. I agree. We hug each other and part.

Well, that date went rather well. That girl had to part for work or something. I call HBfashiondesign. Of course, she asks about the date. I don’t give too many details (for example I took her to the same area that we were at earlier) and I say: “Well, this girl is gorgeous and really energetic. Great girl. But… have you ever had someone that is interested in you just a little bit more than you’re interested in them?” Haha…

So we arrange a time and place to meet so I can come to her place and we’ll make dinner, again it is late. Instead of getting uptown and driving, I take the Metro from where I am with the expectation that she will drive me across town. Or, more likely, I will stay at her place.

Day3B

She picks me up at the station. There’s a slight riff because I won’t buy a bottle of wine. She’s like, “I’m cooking you dinner that I paid for, and you won’t even get us some wine.” Honestly, I wasn’t carrying enough money. I gave her $2 and she put the wine on daddy’s credit card. She drives me to her place and I make fun of her horrible music…raggaeton or francophone pop…um, they both suck.

I cut up tomatoes and she cooks this pasta with pesto and fromage. The roommate eats with us. All conversation is neutral. I’m really impressed by all that they have organized and presented as far as fashion shows in the last two years. I insist that we have candles and that the three of us toast. Chin-chin!

Then they take me to their school, which is walking distance. My girl brings the bottle of wine. Protective buzz, maybe? The roommate has none. I have a bit, but didn’t feel tipsy or anything. We find a shopping cart on the street and push each other around. Good times. We get to their campus and they tell me the story of how they met. Stories about classes and fashion show fun and Montreal in the winter. Brrr… We walk back, and HBfashiondesign and I are singing horribly as loud as possible. Wait, to her credit, she actually has a beautiful voice.

The roommate goes to bed. We sit on the terrace. Conversation turns to sex. Can’t remember all the threads, but I know she asks this:

HB: “When’s the last time you had sex?”
GS: “Honestly…yesterday. Wait, technically it was today, like 4am.” (Not the answer she wanted to hear, but I was being honest, and I’m playing the LJBF thing to the hilt. BTW, it was HBelectrique.)
GS: “It was just a random physical thing. I’ve been worked up over someone and I needed to let the tension out. How about you? Last time?” (I noted by her physiology that she caught the ‘worked up over *you*’ bit, then I quickly threw the question back on her.)
HB: “Saturday night. He’s an ex-boyfriend back home. I’m not allowing myself to have sex with anyone new right now….”
GS: “Why is that?”

Well, the floodgate of revelation is open now. I’m kinda aloof and detached from all that she tells me. Just a listening, caring friend. Most the time I’m not even making eye contact, just gazing over the balcony as she speaks.

Well, she tells me that she’s has sex with quite a few guys (including some football player, a male stripper, etc) and she always feels empty and cheated. Like she’s not been able to say ‘no,’ she describes. Like they pursue her and she gives in, but it has never really felt like it was her choice. She always felt powerless. And it was always kinda the same. Just physical, not really emotional. Not caring, not passionate, not putting her needs first. And it was always unprotected and she gets paranoid and worried afterwards.

It’s a cinch from here. I’ll describe my sexual style in as tantalizing and as arrogant of a way as I want. Pull back. Have her chase. Have her beg. She’s obviously curious. She’s obviously looking for something that is not what she is used to. If I can put her in a trance and leave her smiling for days using only my voice, she knows I can fuck.

Notice how I am reframing her final issues while pulling back themes from our previous encounters. I also do a ‘she/you’ shift by starting out talking about the girl from last night. Damn this is good:

“I think we’re really different…I think we approach sex differently. The girl I was with last night was unusual for me. Because we didn’t share this emotional connection. But even so, I know that it was the best sex of her life. In fact, she told me so…. And I don’t regret it because I was able to give her something she was missing. I filled this void like no other man could. And it was amazing. The decision was mutual. I didn’t feel like I was getting more out of the experience than her. And she didn’t feel like she was getting more out of the experience than me. We both knew that it would be our only night together, so we didn’t have expectations. We just enjoyed the moment for what it was…all the pleasure and passion that two people can bring one another….

And we had protected sex. It shows proper respect not only for your partner, but for yourself. For me to ever have sex with a woman, she must understand this. And for me to make love with a woman she must also be aware of one more thing….My role is to bring you pleasure beyond anything you are used to, beyond anything you have ever experienced…to bring you absolute passion beyond anything you have even imagined. With every touch…every caress…every kiss…every look deep into your eyes…every penetrating word…my role is to make you come…over and over again…to the conclusion…that this is exactly what you need…and deserve…right now…”

Goddamn that’s a gem! This is why I’m a pick-up artist…to say shit like that and get the girl wet, wet, wet…

HB: “Do you want to make love to me?” (Said in a tone that is asking for reassurance.)
GS: “I haven’t decided yet… I am definitely attracted to you and very turned on right now. But I am not sure that you have understood completely what I am about. Do you understand that what I cannot offer you is a sense of future, but I will give you all I can until I have to leave?”
HB: “Yes.”
GS: “Do you understand that we will be using protection?”
HB: “Yes”
GS: “Do you understand how intense and incredible this will be?”
HB: “Yes.”
GS: “Do you want to make love to me?”
HB: “Yes.”

I can’t remember who led whom into the bedroom. But I know it was she who lit the candles. Usually when you think about a seduction, there’s a good period of time that elapses between that first kiss and the moment you’re in bed together. Not here. Something I like about this one—after that very first kiss (which had been delayed and delayed)—she’s suddenly ripping at my jeans! Naturally I slow her down and get her to enjoy being pampered and teased and savored. By the time I insert my finger, she is soaked and bucking wildly. But it just wouldn’t be complete without one little instance of LMR…

“We can’t…I can’t let you. You just had sex. It’s not fair…you can’t have two women, two days in a row…”

I continue fingering her and kissing her all over and I say, “You’re right…it’s not fair…that you’re getting all this attention and affection…being pampered and pleased…kissed and touched…exactly the way you like it…”

And we were set for the whole night and morning. The next (and last) time we got together we had sex in the planetarium (see Pt 1).

Bon moment. Aime la vie. GoneSavage

PS….just as an indicator of how she is hooked, here is the email she sent after the planetarium escapade:

”I can't seem to realize you are really gone, it's weird. The bar was closed yesterday so we changed our plans...I was so looking for you everywhere in the city in case you were walking around...I hoped I'd see you. Well, now I know where you are, well, not exactly but...anyway, it's a bad morning, I was 1 hour late to my job. I missed you so much but now I know you were gone, I'm kind of sad I must say...please, if you can, try to call me tonight, I wanna say real goodbyes. I finish working at 12pm, so if you have time in the afternoon, please ask a guy for a cell phone...or something like that. I miss you. It's not fair you left...”

GoneSavage: LR pt 2: Montreal: Flipping the Sexual Script

Did you ever stop to think why Congress voted in 1970 to outlaw the use of sound to sell tobacco? Did you ever wonder why you could repeat what the teacher had just said when she stopped and asked, “Are you listening?” even though you hadn’t been listening? Did you ever consider why eyewitnesses can always agree on precisely what they heard, but none can recall with clarity quite what they saw?

So I’ve flaked on them twice. Then HBfashiondesign and her roommate walk to where they thought I was staying. Of course, I’m not there. So it’s almost like a third failed attempt at meeting. What’s next?

The next day I’m at Tam-Tams with KitKatMan. He’s witness to this crazy phone call. Basically I call her and explain that I attempted to meet, but I was late because of traffic and not knowing the city. I sincerely apologize. Then, assuming I still have her interest, I try to structure a new Day2 that will actually put me closer to her. In other words, not a neutral meeting place, but I will come straight to her home. Why? Because clearly I am unreliable, I have flaked twice already, and I’d hate for her to invest more time or resources on someone, not even knowing if he’ll be there or not. This way, she assumes no risk. The risk is all on me. (How’s that for reframing?)

It’s a fun conversation. She’s painting her living room. I talk about how I would not normally volunteer myself for work, especially since I am on vacation, but I feel bad about flaking and I would be willing to come help paint to make it up to her. I describe that it might actually be fun and we’d get into a paint fight and then make dinner together. Well, she bites—but she wants to finish the paining herself. Go ahead. The time we’ll meet is yet-to-be-determined, as I am set to call her back, I think at 9pm. I tell her that’s too late for dinner, but she should have some popsicles (she was eating one on the phone) and red wine ready when I get there.

I call later and catch her and finally—third day in a row at attempting this Day2—we’re set to meet at a particular Metro station. And we were set to meet late, like 10pm. I drove to the location and I’m looking for her to show in a red Turcel. Quickly I realize how many people in Montreal drive little red cars. And she’s late, getting later.

I’m thinking karma. I’ve flaked on her twice and now she’s getting me back. I call the house and get her roommate. She says that HBfashiondesign left to pick me up. Perhaps we have miss-communicated on the location (again). I tell the roommate specifically where I am and that I will stay there in case she calls or comes back—send her out again!

So I wait and wait and I sit there outside the Metro writing up another LR. And she finally shows…but look who’s with her…the roommate that I had been seducing on the phone…we finally meet…and she’s cute as can be. Not gorgeous like my girl, but adorably cute with ravenous eyes. Me likes.

And you see what had happened. There had been some kind of mix-up with the meet-up and my girl indeed went home, got my message (and the roommate) and came back out to find me. So it’s like eleven and here they BOTH are. I agree to follow in my vehicle. And you know what I’m thinking. Look at this continued doubled pursuit, look at the attraction and intrigue I have build with both, look at the email how the original girl is protective of and ‘loves’ the roommate, look how sexy they are, look at the time…is this really headed where I think?

So we get to their place and they are inseparable. Not affectionate with each other by any means, but neither will leave my company. I’m playing it by ear. They give me a tour and show me the rooms they have painted. They have good tastes, and we put on some chill music. I find out that they have known each other for a year, from school, and my girl studies fashion design and the other girl fashion marketing at a local reputable college. At nineteen, they are both very involved in the Montreal fashion-scene and putting together shows, etc.

No wine. We have some cookies. We’re in the kitchen. I introduce them both to The Cube. They love it. Things correlate easily with the ladder. The horse looks the same—easy to paint it as me without explicitly saying such. The horse is prancing around the bottom of my girl’s cube and running past the cube of the roommate. I’m trying to think how to escalate. I suggest a movie. They don’t have anything they haven’t seen, it’s late, etc etc.

My girl brings up handwriting analysis. I must have mentioned it at the club. Haven’t done this in a long time, but not a problem, I can show them the basics. For fun, I have them write in French. By the way, both girls are well educated and truly bilingual. It’s nice. They love the analysis and I show them the different traits in a teaching frame. My girl is much more inquisitive, but the other girl will not stop looking at me with this sly smile. I still can’t figure out the dynamic here.

I figure I need to give them time to speak to each other. I walk off to my girl’s bedroom and say, “When you get a minute, I’ll show you something really amazing.” I figure I’ll improvise some kind of dual massage. They exchange a few words in French, but it’s not long until they are both in the room. I instruct them to sit on the bed. My girl has to go to the bathroom.

While she’s gone, the roommate lies across the bed. I lay across her with my head on her abs and I start to show her how to give a hand massage. I believe I could have kissed her, but I did not want my initial girl to walk in on that. If this wasn’t going into threesome territory, my loyalty is still toward the original girl. Good call.

HBfashiondesign comes back and sees me lounging on her roommate with her hand in mine. She maintains her smile, but initiates conversation (in French, of course) with the roommate. They are both smiling and laughing and it is clear they are talking about me. Playfully, I’m like, “Okay okay, let me in on the joke, let’s practice English, what are you two saying about me?”

Well, my girl speaks, and I get slammed. As directly and clearly as can be, she says: “You’re in my bed and you’re touching my roommate. I believe that you know these things, that you learn pop psychology, to make women comfortable around you. So you can sleep with them. In fact, I don’t think you even care which one of us. ”

Damn. Looks like this wasn’t going to be a threesome after all. Maybe ‘taking everything as an IOI’ has nipped me in the ass. In retrospect, I actually wonder to what degree they had communicated ahead of time to keep things ambiguous and a little flirty, especially with the second girl. These girls are definitely socially savvy.

So it was a test, of sorts. Some guys would say a heavy ‘shit-test.’ Big deal. Most of the ‘shit-test’ stuff I just roll with instead of debating or deflecting. Sort of an acceptance then a reframe; pacing and leading. Okay, cool, let’s reframe this. And it goes a little something like this….

“I’m really amazed by how perceptive you are. You’re a little off in your analysis, but I love the way you observe and interpret things. And I appreciate you ability to just come forward and bluntly tell me your impression. I value directness and honest opinions. You’re right…I love to be around beautiful women. I love the company of attractive women, but that is not enough. For me to be truly comfortable opening up, I need to know that you also have other qualities. If a girl is genuine and real, and intelligent, and perceptive, and has a positive energy and a great outlook on life, then that is when I really consider taking things physically. And that’s why I study things that you call ‘pop psychology’ because they help me screen out people that I don’t match with. So I don’t waste my time. Sex as a physical act is mere athletics, stuff like The Cube and handwriting analysis help me find those rare women that are compatible emotionally. We’re at a crossroads here because I truly find you both attractive and compatible. I would be lying if I told you otherwise. It’s a strange circumstance because I’m on a path to certain adventure and a connection like you have never imagined and it looks like only one of you can join me. If you think about the things I have shown you tonight, then we all know whom.”

Yes, I said this as a monologue. I delivered this calmly and matter-of-factly, more slowly, and probably with even more words. Yes, they both sat quietly and listened.

I’m intentionally ambiguous, especially there at the end. During this little monologue I was looking back and forth at them both, probably a bit more at HBfashiondesign who seemed to be devouring my words with her eyes. The other girl sits peacefully with an unchanging smile. But when I feel like I’ve said enough (perhaps too much I’m thinking), I turn away. It works. Without any verbal exchange, I hear someone, one girl, leave the room. I turn back and I’m face-to-face with HBfashiondesign.

I say, “I’m here for you. And I’m here for a reason.” And she literally explodes in tears and embraces me. I just hold her tight and let her cry. Finally she asks me to let her roommate know that she is okay. Sure.

I go into the other girl’s room and she’s just changed into a nightgown. I say, “Remember how your horse was just kinda running past you and how [HBfashiondesign] saw the same horse but he was behaving much differently? Well, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and the attraction here is unmistakable, but, um, it looks like I’m here for her. She has something bothering her, I don’t know if you know about it, but I’m going to help her.” She nods and says nothing. I give her a big hug and say goodnight.

I go back to HBfashiondesign and I just have this convincing attitude that I can help her. I’m not thinking about sex, just that vague concept of “leave them better than you found them.” And I have this conviction that I can do something profound and leave her feeling great. I take on this healer frame that is incredibly empowering and I say “I can help you. I can make you feel amazing.” She starts to tell me that she has a feeling of emptiness, this ‘void’ inside her. She cries a lot for no reason. I tell her that I do not need details or specifics to make her feel great.

At this point she tells me that she’s not going to have sex with me. She’s not ready. Okay. But she further states that she’s not attracted to me ‘that way’ and can never be. Ouch, that hurts a little. Yeah, I got LJBF’ed. I’ve got that voice that’s saying “You went from being a pop-psychology entertainer to a friend with no benefits, do not become her therapist!” But what I can’t convey is this strange sense of purpose that I had anyway. I was going to do it; I was going to try my best to make her feel great without even thinking of sex.

First I said something to her that kinda seemed to me like I was flip-flopping at the time. But as I look back, I think it was a strong thing to say to get her chasing. I said: “I really want to help you, but my role is not as a therapist. We all have different roles in our lives…you’re a daughter, a sister, a roommate, a best friend, a student…but the role I’m interested in is you as a woman. I know that we are meant to be more than friends. But I have to leave soon, so I can accept not having you as a lover. And I want to give you this experience, because I know it will make you feel remarkable inside and allow you to move into the future full of hope and passion.”

So I was careful of several things. I reiterated that I’m not a therapist—I just know how to communicate in ways that make people feel good. Absolutely everything I said was positive. I made it a point for her not to tell me specifically of any traumatic ‘instances.’ I was not ‘healing’ her, just giving her a new perspective. I knew I could do this just based on my conviction and self-confidence and the other ‘inner’ attributes that we talk about. It’s all the same.

I had her close her eyes and hold my hands as we sat across from each other on the bed. I first drew her awareness to tangible sensations (being aware of noises in the room, temperatures and textures, breathing, the sound of my voice) and then led her more and more into feelings (like feeling complete, feeling whole, having a sense of purpose, a sense of certainty, hope, assurance, sureness, confidence, etc etc) Then I led her on this relaxing guided visualization journey that was utterly pleasing and vivid. Nothing really involved, just leading her imagination. Just using the power of my voice and carefully chosen words to bring her a pleasant and positive experience.

Afterwards, she tells me how good it felt and I explain to her that whenever she feels something negative or she feels that ‘void’ creeping in, she’ll remember this experience and all those wonderful positive sensations. I describe to her how I watched her physiology change and how she would melt or smile or grip my hands. It was fun. I left at like 5:30 in the morning. She had to work so early (she is a physical trainer at a gym) and said she’d just stay up. I left her on a really upbeat note and I hugged her and reminded her that I didn‘t know how long I would be staying, but I value our friendship and I hope we both make an effort to get together and do something, you know as friends.

And I leave with that mentality. I’m comfortable with being just friends. Actually, honestly, I’m kinda thinking this—you know it’s too bad that I am leaving because I bet she would be really cool to have as a friend. And well, since we’d just be friends, I bet I could get in easily will all her hot fiends! Haha, I’m only a man. But yeah, other than that thought, I’m really cool with just being friends. The point is, I really left feeling like I made a positive impact on her life and I did not need to pursue her sexually.

Now if she pursues me…that’s a different story. Right?

Bon moment. Aime la vie. GoneSavage