Doubtful-ijjjji: You say confidence is not a thing, but it sure _feels_ like a thing. Like sometimes, I feel I got it inside me, and sometimes I don't have it inside me at all. How do you explain this if its no a thing??
Doubtful-ijjjji: And you say its not something you need to build, yet there are things I can do that make me get it more and more inside me.. like moving around.. or putting on strong BL.. or doing a few 'warm up' approaches.. or even just having a very active day before I go sarging.. these build it inside me but you say its not something you can build. Surely you must be mistaken, no?
ijjjji:
What you talk of is MOMENTUM.
This is real. The good feeling it creates, is the same that the 'bullshit confidence model' aim for. But it makes 3 wrong assumptions about it:
1. That its part of you, like a personality trait.
2. That it comes from inside you.. your thoughts, feelings, past experiences etc.
3. That you can hold onto it, preserve it, keep it strong inside you.
I'll explain each:
1. That its part of you, like a personality trait.
If this was true, why is it so strong one day and totally gone the next, or maybe even minutes after? No - its not a part of you at all. Its only part of the SITUATION you have put yourself in.
(The STUPID idea that its part of you, can lead to thinking you are a wimp or a loser or that something is wrong with you, on days when its not there.. this is the most HARMFUL effect of the 'bullshit confidence idea'.)
2. That it comes from inside you.. your thoughts, feelings, past experiences etc.
If this was true, why is it so difficult (impossible?) to sit still and summon it mentally? Why can you only change it by doing stuff (changing your situation)? No - its not starting inside you and flowing towards the outside. It starts in the situation you are in, and flows into you.
3. That you can hold onto it, preserve it, keep it strong inside you.
Again, why does it come and go so suddenly if this was possible? No - you can not preserve it. Whenever you enter situations that don't create it, it will be gone. And when you enter situations that create it, it will be back.
¤¤¤
I say above that it comes from the situation.. but its important to realize that YOU decide what situations you seek out or create! You still control it 100%! And its not complicated - all you got to do is seek situations with lots of action in them, OR seek a more ACTIVE ROLE in your current situation.
Examples:
-Sitting still in the office or in class room, trying to solve problems theoretically for 3 hours.. removes all momentum.
-Washing the dishes then tidying the living room and cleaning the floor.. creates lots of momentum.
-Sitting still in a pub looking at girls.. removes all momentum.
-Talking to friends or colleagues or strangers.. creates a lot of 'social' momentum.
-Sitting still reading.. removes momentum.
-Moving around.. creates momentum and is a great first step.
-Deep thinking.. removes momentum.
-Putting on a more relaxed, or more masculine, or more sexual BL.. creates momentum.
-Doing stuff in general.. creates momentum - not doing stuff takes it away.
OK LETS GET PRACTICAL!!!
You are about to talk to a chick, but that fucker MR.CAREFUL wants to think about it first. Before, you would think stuff like:
-Oh no I lost my confidence!
-Oh no its an OFF night!
-GOD I HATE THIS - I'M SUCH A FUCKING LOSER! WHY IN HELL DIDN'T I APPROACH!? SHE EVEN SMILED AT ME!!
From now on you will think:
-Hehe oops I forgot to warm up. Better keep moving and do some short throw-away-warm-up-sets over there and maybe return later!
(Credit to Mystery, who first described this and named it 'momentum'. He also invented warm up sets, where you quickly open a few girls with no intention of gaming them.)
as seen on Fast Seduction
02 Dezember 2005
Ijjjji: Confidence is bullshit
99.9% of the stuff you do in a day, you do without thinking. Like tying your shoe lace.
But on rare occasion you sense danger and approach carefully: Analyze -> Determine expected outcome -> Act accordingly.
Often the situation is not dangerous, but maybe you don't know this because its a new situation to you. But you soon realize its safe and start doing it without thinking.
But sometimes we use the careful approach a bit too long, so it turns into a habit with that specific type of situation.
'Confidence' is a word we use when we try to describe this situation. We often say we 'lack confidence' or that we 'lost our confidence' or that we need to 'build some confidence'. As you now can see, THIS 'CONFIDENCE' IS PURE AND UTTER BULLSHIT, its not a thing, its not something we lost or need to build, it does not exist and it has nothing to do with reality.
IN REALITY, its just a BAD HABIT. A habit of acting too carefully in a certain type of situation.
And habits are only changed by ACTING in a new way, repeatedly over time. This creates a new pattern that replaces the old one. It can be hard at first but always much easier soon after.
LETS GET PRACTICAL:
I'm sure you know approximately where you should start! This is just some tips you can try for fun if you want to:
-Replace needy goals like "get laid" and "get 3 #s a night" with this: NO MORE MR. CAREFUL!
-Develop some extreme macho body language habits (borderline cartoon-like) and have a humorous/non serious attitude about it. Do it for fun!
-Stop agreeing with MR.CAREFUL type guys on mASF. Laugh at them and stay in your new frame!
-Create a mental picture that illustrates how ridiculous it is to be carful around girls - be creative! Recall this picture when you start thinking around girls, to kick you out of that old habit!
-Change 3 seconds rule into 0 seconds rule.
-
-
-(Fill in with your own ideas. Then take some action.)
(Sidenote: 'Skill', 'understanding' and 'experience' are other words we use in a similar way, as an excuse for why we cant or shouldnt act right now. Stuff like PU and public speaking does not require any of these. Al they require is adopting a 'shoe lace'-approach.)
as seen on Fast Seduction
But on rare occasion you sense danger and approach carefully: Analyze -> Determine expected outcome -> Act accordingly.
Often the situation is not dangerous, but maybe you don't know this because its a new situation to you. But you soon realize its safe and start doing it without thinking.
But sometimes we use the careful approach a bit too long, so it turns into a habit with that specific type of situation.
'Confidence' is a word we use when we try to describe this situation. We often say we 'lack confidence' or that we 'lost our confidence' or that we need to 'build some confidence'. As you now can see, THIS 'CONFIDENCE' IS PURE AND UTTER BULLSHIT, its not a thing, its not something we lost or need to build, it does not exist and it has nothing to do with reality.
IN REALITY, its just a BAD HABIT. A habit of acting too carefully in a certain type of situation.
And habits are only changed by ACTING in a new way, repeatedly over time. This creates a new pattern that replaces the old one. It can be hard at first but always much easier soon after.
LETS GET PRACTICAL:
I'm sure you know approximately where you should start! This is just some tips you can try for fun if you want to:
-Replace needy goals like "get laid" and "get 3 #s a night" with this: NO MORE MR. CAREFUL!
-Develop some extreme macho body language habits (borderline cartoon-like) and have a humorous/non serious attitude about it. Do it for fun!
-Stop agreeing with MR.CAREFUL type guys on mASF. Laugh at them and stay in your new frame!
-Create a mental picture that illustrates how ridiculous it is to be carful around girls - be creative! Recall this picture when you start thinking around girls, to kick you out of that old habit!
-Change 3 seconds rule into 0 seconds rule.
-
-
-(Fill in with your own ideas. Then take some action.)
(Sidenote: 'Skill', 'understanding' and 'experience' are other words we use in a similar way, as an excuse for why we cant or shouldnt act right now. Stuff like PU and public speaking does not require any of these. Al they require is adopting a 'shoe lace'-approach.)
as seen on Fast Seduction
01 Dezember 2005
Dimitri: Getting Her to Put Work In
Hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving. For all your viewing pleasure, here's some ways to get a women putting in work to get you.
This will increase one of the three parts of Attraction. If you haven't read the Model of Attraction, those are:
Value for her life
A sense you're attainable
Her putting in effort to get you
"New Attraction Model" is available here:
http://the-approach.net/art_attraction_model.php
or in the ASF archives, whatever you please.
On 11/22/05 9:34:00 PM, effigyc wrote:
>So I want to talk more about
>the "making her work for you."
Absolutely.
>Below is my understanding of
>what we're talking about here,
>feel free to correct me if I'm
>wrong.
>
>We see a girl at a coffee
>shop. We start a
>conversation. We're making
>her laugh, vibing with her,
>having a good time.
Okay at this point, you already have some value for her life. Showing confidence, fun, maybe a little humor, social savvy, that you're cool, that you guys can have fun together.
Also since you're connecting with her (vibing, having a good time) she likely has some sense you're attainable. If you don't see any sign of her Auto-Rejection Mechanism kicking in, assume the attainability's there if you've got some connection.
So far, so good, except...
>Now, to
>insure that she'll want to see
>us again, we're going to make
>her put some effort into
>things.
... she hasn't put any work in! Exactly!
This is the Cost/Value Conception. In short, people don't value things they don't pay for. A girlfriend of mine takes me out to an expensive restaurant and gets me a $40 glass of wine and I don't finish it. I buy a bottle of water for myself and I refuse to throw it away before I drink it all.
The more EFFORT you put into getting something, the more you feel like you DESERVE it. That makes you actively want it, and want to pursue it and keep it. If I got given a bottle of water for free, but accidentally dropped it and it rolled under a table, I might just leave it there. But if I BUY the thing (effort) I'll go get it.
So I feel like I deserve it more. The other thing it does is...
>Thusly, she'll value
>them more.
Exactly! Great thinking man, your head's in the right place. When a woman feels like she wants something, she'll rationalize it's more valuable to herself. So it's a cycle, but to make a long story short:
Value for her life + Sense you could be attainable + Effort on her part =ATTRACTED
>The ways we go
>about this are:
There are LOTS of ways to do this. I could fill up 30 pages in a couple hours on how to do this. When I teach this stuff, I go on for quite a while. But a few things you can do:
>Neging - Let's say we cut her
>off in the middle of something
>she's saying, and say "Oh,
>you've kind of got a little
>booger there." This would
>certainly embaress the shit
>out of her, and do some
>serious damage to
>"attainablity." Would it
>however make her start working
>to get you? Is it even
>necissary?
A cardinal rule of negging is it's supposed to be playful, not an insult. That said, if you ALREADY had some potential value, a neg can get them to work. If they react at all... they're working to get you basically.
If they test you, they're putting energy into the interaction to make it go forwards, and giving you an opportunity to pass her test (and we all know what happens when you do that). If she starts qualifying herself, she's obviously working to get you.
However, if you had no value for her life at all, not potentially any (but don't be fooled, body language, walking patterns, facial expressions, style, and image can all communicate potential value, not just your words) then she'd just ignore you. That's actually the worst result you can get from a neg.
BUT if you neg at the wrong time, like if she's really opening up and you neg her, it'll tank attainability. That'll set off her Auto-Rejection Mechanism and she'll reject herself, which means she'll shut down. ARM manifests itself different ways, but she might get very rude, might get quiet and walk away, or might go start seeking validation elsewhere. Regardless ARM is a mistake, it means you let attainability get too low and is not a good place to be. But a well-placed neg can get her to start putting work in (also something truly amazing that I learned from Mystery personally was that after he does his 3 neg thing, he then communicates a "You've passed" vibe to her and qualifies her. Amazing to see, hard to describe, but he's framing it like she's worked for him - Very masterful on his part, he knows his stuff)
>Getting her to verbally
>qaulify herself to you -
>there's really only two ways I
>can think to do this. One is
>to simply ask her if she likes
>or can do certain things.
>i.e. do you like to go
>camping, or can you cook.
Basic screening questions, yes.
>Two would be to command her to
>qaulify herself. i.e. Style's
>tell me three interesting
>qaulities you have, or to say
>"Well, its great that you love
>shopping, but isn't there
>anything else you like to do?"
Okay, that's a second. There's lots more ways to get her to verbally qualify herself though. One way would be to disqualify her (see Japanese Nurse LR) on a characteristic she DOESN'T ACTUALLY HAVE. This will get them automatically qualifying themselves 90% of the time at the expense of your attainability (and if executed poorly, your value, since you will look like you don't have social skills if you say an innocent girl is too wild, etc).
There's lots of other ways. You can even make a blanket statement like, "Wow it's a shame so many people watch so much TV these days. I like to relax and veg sometimes, but people give up SO much of the amazing world out there." Will result in her verbally qualifying herself often.
Disqualify people in general who have a trait she herself doesn't like, and tie the OPPOSITE to her verbally qualifying.
This is powerful. If she's a world traveller, saying something like, "God so many people miss out on seeing the world, and I think they wind up being worse lovers and worse in relationships because of it."
Most people who travel love to rant about people who just "stay in their own backyard all life". So when you say that because of that they're worse lovers... it means when she agrees with you and says she travels, she's saying she's a good lover and good in relationships. Therefore, she'll feel like she's worked for you afterwards.
Remember, all of these components aren't about having/being/doing them, it's about the perception of them. Perceived value for her life, perceived attainability, perceived effort put in. She might put no "real" effort in, but if she feels she's worked hard for you, she'll want her prize regardless of if she really worked hard or not. Imagine you're getting ready for a big competition. You train really hard for the competition, days in and days out, sweat and blood. And you win! You're going to want your prize. Now... what if the competition was fixed, but you don't know that? You still feel like you worked hard to win, so you still feel attracted to the prize/title/status you got by winning. Even if the "work" that the women put in is "fixed", and they're not really working, that can be enough. Is it the best way? No, but it is a way.
>Getting her to physically do
>things. Like give you a
>massage or drive you
>somewhere.
Yes. Asking her to bring a small ingredient for cooking on her way over, or a bottle of wine. Or something unrelated to what you're doing with her even.
If she says she has to go to the store later, hand her $5 and ask her to buy you a copy of Gentlemen's Quarterly (magazine) while she's there. This is actually triple-pronged attack territory: That little technique will increase your value, her sense of your attainability, and the effort she's put in.
Effort: She's doing you a favor, working to please you and help you.
Attainability: Many men wouldn't realize that this technique increases attainability. It does. Any time you make plans past the current moment, it demonstrates you've already decided to see her again. Now if she turned out crazy, I'd cut my losses, let her keep the lousy magazine or $5, and bail. But that's not the way the female mind works... When you've got something "on the burner" they feel you're not going anywhere, and it increases the sense that it's possible to have you.
Value: You're confident and help delegate things you need help with to people you trust. You're not burdening her... picking up a magazine at checkout doesn't really make her life harder. Plus, it's GQ, you're a fashionable guy. You're not being over the top with your request, just nonchalant (note for guys who dress really, really poorly: Choose a different magazine) about it.
Other "tangible" things she can do for work: Help cook, help clean your place (YES, you can get a woman you just met to help clean your place on a first or second meet, it just takes some game), do anything that furthers your life or appears to please or help you, or getting her to do any little thing.
>So my questions are these:
>
>Am I even on the right page
>here?
Yes, you're definitely thinking in the right direction. You need to expand your horizons a little bit and think more. I've shared maybe 2% of my techniques for getting her to put in work with you here, there's a lot that can be done. Think about it: What can you do to make her feel like she's worked to get you?
Have fun with it. Not only will women in your life be more attracted to you if they're working for you, but you'll have more productive relationships. Enjoy!
>Are the techniques I'm
>talking about what Dimitri's
>advocating using?
>
>What are some other ways of
>making her "work" for you?
Oh, there's lots of things. Again, it's the perception of her working to get you.
These can be big things, like favors. Obviously paying for you is good. "Hey, you got this one?" at a coffee shop will have her buying your coffee. This tends to be bad for attainability, but good for effort, and it near always works. I'll often take a girl rollerskating on $2 skating night here. Skate rentals are $3, so it's $10 for both of us. I say, "Hey, you got this one?" It's $10, it's meaningless... but she paid for the date, so now any charming of her I do, she feels like she earned and values a lot more.
Other stuff: Well-phrased and well-framed compliments can actually make it seem like she WORKED to have you open her! It's amazing, isn't it? Men often forget that women put in TONS of work to appeal to men. If you're meeting up with her for a date and she looks really good, you can say, "Wow, I'm impressed. You must've taken a lot of time to fix yourself up but that means a lot to me - You look good girl." You just framed it like she went out of her way to impress you (which she probably did). How about this opener? "I saw you walking by... and I had to say... you look absolutely stunning." The pace part is her walking, then you HAD to say she looked stunning.
Here's one that many men won't identify with or understand. A lot of black guys, when they play the game, they say the woman has to make eye contact before they'll approach. Player Supreme has written about this, and it's a fairly standard pimp M.O. Then the guy approaches... SHE made the first move, and that move was EFFORT on her part to get the man. Even something as simple as eye contact can be her putting in work.
Other stuff. "Testing" her on the dance floor/rollerskating rink/wherever. Having her help you with something big in your life. Having her lie to someone fore you (unscrupulous but +effort definitely). The "conspiracy" frame is really good for work, like if you tell her to subtly slip you her number.
How about when you #close and don't have a pen? Go fetch it yourself? Hell no! Have her get the pen, or play the "Pen Guess" game I created for this very reason.
Say, "Hmmm... let's make a game of this, we'll take turns guessing who around here is the most likely person to have a pen. I'll guess first." Then you guess a person, and walk up to them and ask if they have a pen. If they do, it's no different than if you'd just asked them without he game. But if they don't, now it's her turn to guess who has a pen, and then go ask that person if she can borrow it.
I originally made up that game to preserve value (because asking multiple people if they have a pen looks poorly) but it increases the effort she's put in too, ESPECIALLY if the game goes 5 or 6 people deep. And guess what? If she winds up being the one to get the pen, the number is about 60% more solid. Hey, maybe we should even make the first guess someone unlikely to have a pen? ;)
>Effy.
There's lots of ways to get them feeling like they've put in work, Effy. The big thing is to remember to do it. Now some guys will just do this a token amount because they want to get laid. That's cool, and their game will improve by taking little games I've invented, little lines and cues from solid top-notch players, and throwing them in. But if you want to be really superb, you should start demanding that women work to get you. Have standards and make them meet them. Have them help with logistics. Have them work to catch you.
>If you question anything,
>question
>your limitations.
Great quote man. Now get those women a-workin'!
Sebastian
as seen on Fast Seduction
This will increase one of the three parts of Attraction. If you haven't read the Model of Attraction, those are:
Value for her life
A sense you're attainable
Her putting in effort to get you
"New Attraction Model" is available here:
http://the-approach.net/art_attraction_model.php
or in the ASF archives, whatever you please.
On 11/22/05 9:34:00 PM, effigyc wrote:
>So I want to talk more about
>the "making her work for you."
Absolutely.
>Below is my understanding of
>what we're talking about here,
>feel free to correct me if I'm
>wrong.
>
>We see a girl at a coffee
>shop. We start a
>conversation. We're making
>her laugh, vibing with her,
>having a good time.
Okay at this point, you already have some value for her life. Showing confidence, fun, maybe a little humor, social savvy, that you're cool, that you guys can have fun together.
Also since you're connecting with her (vibing, having a good time) she likely has some sense you're attainable. If you don't see any sign of her Auto-Rejection Mechanism kicking in, assume the attainability's there if you've got some connection.
So far, so good, except...
>Now, to
>insure that she'll want to see
>us again, we're going to make
>her put some effort into
>things.
... she hasn't put any work in! Exactly!
This is the Cost/Value Conception. In short, people don't value things they don't pay for. A girlfriend of mine takes me out to an expensive restaurant and gets me a $40 glass of wine and I don't finish it. I buy a bottle of water for myself and I refuse to throw it away before I drink it all.
The more EFFORT you put into getting something, the more you feel like you DESERVE it. That makes you actively want it, and want to pursue it and keep it. If I got given a bottle of water for free, but accidentally dropped it and it rolled under a table, I might just leave it there. But if I BUY the thing (effort) I'll go get it.
So I feel like I deserve it more. The other thing it does is...
>Thusly, she'll value
>them more.
Exactly! Great thinking man, your head's in the right place. When a woman feels like she wants something, she'll rationalize it's more valuable to herself. So it's a cycle, but to make a long story short:
Value for her life + Sense you could be attainable + Effort on her part =ATTRACTED
>The ways we go
>about this are:
There are LOTS of ways to do this. I could fill up 30 pages in a couple hours on how to do this. When I teach this stuff, I go on for quite a while. But a few things you can do:
>Neging - Let's say we cut her
>off in the middle of something
>she's saying, and say "Oh,
>you've kind of got a little
>booger there." This would
>certainly embaress the shit
>out of her, and do some
>serious damage to
>"attainablity." Would it
>however make her start working
>to get you? Is it even
>necissary?
A cardinal rule of negging is it's supposed to be playful, not an insult. That said, if you ALREADY had some potential value, a neg can get them to work. If they react at all... they're working to get you basically.
If they test you, they're putting energy into the interaction to make it go forwards, and giving you an opportunity to pass her test (and we all know what happens when you do that). If she starts qualifying herself, she's obviously working to get you.
However, if you had no value for her life at all, not potentially any (but don't be fooled, body language, walking patterns, facial expressions, style, and image can all communicate potential value, not just your words) then she'd just ignore you. That's actually the worst result you can get from a neg.
BUT if you neg at the wrong time, like if she's really opening up and you neg her, it'll tank attainability. That'll set off her Auto-Rejection Mechanism and she'll reject herself, which means she'll shut down. ARM manifests itself different ways, but she might get very rude, might get quiet and walk away, or might go start seeking validation elsewhere. Regardless ARM is a mistake, it means you let attainability get too low and is not a good place to be. But a well-placed neg can get her to start putting work in (also something truly amazing that I learned from Mystery personally was that after he does his 3 neg thing, he then communicates a "You've passed" vibe to her and qualifies her. Amazing to see, hard to describe, but he's framing it like she's worked for him - Very masterful on his part, he knows his stuff)
>Getting her to verbally
>qaulify herself to you -
>there's really only two ways I
>can think to do this. One is
>to simply ask her if she likes
>or can do certain things.
>i.e. do you like to go
>camping, or can you cook.
Basic screening questions, yes.
>Two would be to command her to
>qaulify herself. i.e. Style's
>tell me three interesting
>qaulities you have, or to say
>"Well, its great that you love
>shopping, but isn't there
>anything else you like to do?"
Okay, that's a second. There's lots more ways to get her to verbally qualify herself though. One way would be to disqualify her (see Japanese Nurse LR) on a characteristic she DOESN'T ACTUALLY HAVE. This will get them automatically qualifying themselves 90% of the time at the expense of your attainability (and if executed poorly, your value, since you will look like you don't have social skills if you say an innocent girl is too wild, etc).
There's lots of other ways. You can even make a blanket statement like, "Wow it's a shame so many people watch so much TV these days. I like to relax and veg sometimes, but people give up SO much of the amazing world out there." Will result in her verbally qualifying herself often.
Disqualify people in general who have a trait she herself doesn't like, and tie the OPPOSITE to her verbally qualifying.
This is powerful. If she's a world traveller, saying something like, "God so many people miss out on seeing the world, and I think they wind up being worse lovers and worse in relationships because of it."
Most people who travel love to rant about people who just "stay in their own backyard all life". So when you say that because of that they're worse lovers... it means when she agrees with you and says she travels, she's saying she's a good lover and good in relationships. Therefore, she'll feel like she's worked for you afterwards.
Remember, all of these components aren't about having/being/doing them, it's about the perception of them. Perceived value for her life, perceived attainability, perceived effort put in. She might put no "real" effort in, but if she feels she's worked hard for you, she'll want her prize regardless of if she really worked hard or not. Imagine you're getting ready for a big competition. You train really hard for the competition, days in and days out, sweat and blood. And you win! You're going to want your prize. Now... what if the competition was fixed, but you don't know that? You still feel like you worked hard to win, so you still feel attracted to the prize/title/status you got by winning. Even if the "work" that the women put in is "fixed", and they're not really working, that can be enough. Is it the best way? No, but it is a way.
>Getting her to physically do
>things. Like give you a
>massage or drive you
>somewhere.
Yes. Asking her to bring a small ingredient for cooking on her way over, or a bottle of wine. Or something unrelated to what you're doing with her even.
If she says she has to go to the store later, hand her $5 and ask her to buy you a copy of Gentlemen's Quarterly (magazine) while she's there. This is actually triple-pronged attack territory: That little technique will increase your value, her sense of your attainability, and the effort she's put in.
Effort: She's doing you a favor, working to please you and help you.
Attainability: Many men wouldn't realize that this technique increases attainability. It does. Any time you make plans past the current moment, it demonstrates you've already decided to see her again. Now if she turned out crazy, I'd cut my losses, let her keep the lousy magazine or $5, and bail. But that's not the way the female mind works... When you've got something "on the burner" they feel you're not going anywhere, and it increases the sense that it's possible to have you.
Value: You're confident and help delegate things you need help with to people you trust. You're not burdening her... picking up a magazine at checkout doesn't really make her life harder. Plus, it's GQ, you're a fashionable guy. You're not being over the top with your request, just nonchalant (note for guys who dress really, really poorly: Choose a different magazine) about it.
Other "tangible" things she can do for work: Help cook, help clean your place (YES, you can get a woman you just met to help clean your place on a first or second meet, it just takes some game), do anything that furthers your life or appears to please or help you, or getting her to do any little thing.
>So my questions are these:
>
>Am I even on the right page
>here?
Yes, you're definitely thinking in the right direction. You need to expand your horizons a little bit and think more. I've shared maybe 2% of my techniques for getting her to put in work with you here, there's a lot that can be done. Think about it: What can you do to make her feel like she's worked to get you?
Have fun with it. Not only will women in your life be more attracted to you if they're working for you, but you'll have more productive relationships. Enjoy!
>Are the techniques I'm
>talking about what Dimitri's
>advocating using?
>
>What are some other ways of
>making her "work" for you?
Oh, there's lots of things. Again, it's the perception of her working to get you.
These can be big things, like favors. Obviously paying for you is good. "Hey, you got this one?" at a coffee shop will have her buying your coffee. This tends to be bad for attainability, but good for effort, and it near always works. I'll often take a girl rollerskating on $2 skating night here. Skate rentals are $3, so it's $10 for both of us. I say, "Hey, you got this one?" It's $10, it's meaningless... but she paid for the date, so now any charming of her I do, she feels like she earned and values a lot more.
Other stuff: Well-phrased and well-framed compliments can actually make it seem like she WORKED to have you open her! It's amazing, isn't it? Men often forget that women put in TONS of work to appeal to men. If you're meeting up with her for a date and she looks really good, you can say, "Wow, I'm impressed. You must've taken a lot of time to fix yourself up but that means a lot to me - You look good girl." You just framed it like she went out of her way to impress you (which she probably did). How about this opener? "I saw you walking by... and I had to say... you look absolutely stunning." The pace part is her walking, then you HAD to say she looked stunning.
Here's one that many men won't identify with or understand. A lot of black guys, when they play the game, they say the woman has to make eye contact before they'll approach. Player Supreme has written about this, and it's a fairly standard pimp M.O. Then the guy approaches... SHE made the first move, and that move was EFFORT on her part to get the man. Even something as simple as eye contact can be her putting in work.
Other stuff. "Testing" her on the dance floor/rollerskating rink/wherever. Having her help you with something big in your life. Having her lie to someone fore you (unscrupulous but +effort definitely). The "conspiracy" frame is really good for work, like if you tell her to subtly slip you her number.
How about when you #close and don't have a pen? Go fetch it yourself? Hell no! Have her get the pen, or play the "Pen Guess" game I created for this very reason.
Say, "Hmmm... let's make a game of this, we'll take turns guessing who around here is the most likely person to have a pen. I'll guess first." Then you guess a person, and walk up to them and ask if they have a pen. If they do, it's no different than if you'd just asked them without he game. But if they don't, now it's her turn to guess who has a pen, and then go ask that person if she can borrow it.
I originally made up that game to preserve value (because asking multiple people if they have a pen looks poorly) but it increases the effort she's put in too, ESPECIALLY if the game goes 5 or 6 people deep. And guess what? If she winds up being the one to get the pen, the number is about 60% more solid. Hey, maybe we should even make the first guess someone unlikely to have a pen? ;)
>Effy.
There's lots of ways to get them feeling like they've put in work, Effy. The big thing is to remember to do it. Now some guys will just do this a token amount because they want to get laid. That's cool, and their game will improve by taking little games I've invented, little lines and cues from solid top-notch players, and throwing them in. But if you want to be really superb, you should start demanding that women work to get you. Have standards and make them meet them. Have them help with logistics. Have them work to catch you.
>If you question anything,
>question
>your limitations.
Great quote man. Now get those women a-workin'!
Sebastian
as seen on Fast Seduction
10 November 2005
Dimitri: The Attraction Model
The Attraction Model
By Sebastian Dimitri Drake
A definition of attraction - and a way to consistently to get attraction from any girl - is long overdue. Perhaps the two most misunderstood parts of the community are attraction and one of the pieces of it, value.
I'll set the record straight, and give you a gameplan for how to attract any woman in the world, as well as give specific examples of how attraction works. Since many people are familiar with it, I picked Neil Strauss' New York Times Bestseller The Game for my examples on how attraction works - I'll use a few excerpts from the book to explain how this all works.
Attraction is something desirable to someone, that much is obvious. But to create the kind of real, almost-tangible attraction that'll cause a woman to sleep with you, you need two components:
The Two Components of Attraction Are Value and Deservedness.
I will explain both.
"Value" is value for her life, based on her perceptions. What is valuable is unique to every single person, but pattern of what is valuable can easily be seen. Some things are almost always seen as valuable, and some things are almost always seen as detrimental to value. But the value of any given thing to a person is different for that person than another.
What does this mean? A giant script will not appeal to every single woman. At best, a script can mass-appeal to a man's target audience. Many sorority girls might have similar value for each other, so if you wanted that demographic, a script that's useful on many could be devised. But for broader categories, like "college girls", you'll need knowledge of how value works for different people.
There are many traits that are almost universally valuable (and thus, attractive). These should be almost universally developed, so that you're perceived as having them with minimal effort on your part. This includes confidence, charisma, leadership, intelligence, quick wit, sharp instincts, health, wealth, a strong sense of survival, purpose, adaptability, and so on. Very, very, very few women find these traits unattractive, so it's in every man's best interest to appear to have these.
This can be done in one of three ways.
1. Develop the trait: If you become confident, you will appear confident. If you become healthy, you will appear healthy. Et cetra.
This is the path that takes the longest to achieve out of the three, but is the easiest once you've achieved it.
2. Develop the appearance of the trait: "A prince need not possess princely qualities. He merely needs the appearance of princely qualities." - Niccolo Machiavelli
Machiavelli is largely right. If you're not confident, nor a leader, it is still in your best interest to develop the body language and walking patterns of a confident leader. This will give you the appearance of these things, the benefit of which is twofold: You'll be perceived as having the quality (useful in your immediate interactions) and by being perceived as having it, you might actually develop the quality ("fake it 'till you make it" at work). Developing the appearance of a quality you don't have is actually a great way to help develop that quality.
3. Demonstrate you have the quality any time the occasion arises. This is the fastest way to show one person you have a trait about you, but the least efficient way to show the world you have a quality. A good example for this would be kino: It demonstrates you're comfortable with yourself and comfortable around others (among other things).
If a man wants to demonstrate he's comfortable with himself and around others, one way might be to kino. After he achieves a base proficiency in kinesthetic interaction (kino, touching other people in a normal way), he can do so consciously to appear to be comfortable with himself and around others.
Over time, his kino will become automatic. At his point he's developed the appearance of the trait, and most people he will meet will perceive him as comfortable with himself and around others.
Finally, if he allows his belief system to develop, he'll come to actually be comfortable with himself and around other people. At this point, no conscious technique or tactic is necessary: He has simply become a person who is comfortable with himself and around others. Because this is a universally attractive trait, he is now always a more attractive man and he knows it.
Outside of universally attractive things are things that are attractive to specific women. A gold-digger wants money and status. A 28-year old working professional may be looking for a stable husband/father type man. A 34-year old divorcee may be looking for a feeling of youth and excitement. A young girl may want maturity OR want fun and popularity. Or both.
What any given woman wants is different based on the woman. But you can make generalizations. I always ask students what type of relationships they're looking for, and what their "type" is. Age, ethnicity, nationality, and social class are all ways that you can make an intelligent guess about what is attractive to a woman. It's why many pick-up artists have to adjust their techniques when moving to a new location. Even in the same nation, such as the cities of Atlanta and New York City, there are some differences in what the majority of people are looking for.
That said, fine-tuning your game to your "type" is great, but a master's proficiency in pickup will let you adjust what you're demonstrating to the specific girl you're with - and know exactly what to demonstrate.
Cultivating Deservedness:
Part of attraction is value. A large part. If you appear to have no value for her life, something that she'd specifically want, than it doesn't matter how much of the second part, deservedness, you cultivate.
But it is relatively easy to appear to have value. If you have even some semblance of "a life" then you've got some value. If you do some basic things to improve your life (or alternatively, the appearance of having improved your life) then value won't be your problem.
Attraction is not exclusively value. Value is a part of attraction, and necessary for it, but the second necessary component for attraction is deservedness.
Deservedness is broken into two parts: Attainability, and effort. Both require a comprehensive explanation and guidelines on how to produce these feelings in a woman.
Attainability, first, may confuse some. In all of life, people seem to strive for the unattainable. Something just a step beyond them.
But these things always seem to have some attainability to them. Think about it like this: While you may enjoy looking at a centerfold in a magazine, you are more likely to fall madly in love with the girl next door. Though a centerfold prompts a lot of physical attraction in you, you do nothing to actually GET the centerfold (well, most people...).
This comes down to an important concept called the Auto-Rejection Mechanism. In short, if someone believes they have no chance, they won't try. It's the reason master pick-up artists often struggle trying to pick up ugly girls: The girls have no sense of entitlement, so they don't let themselves get attracted and get hurt.
You can see examples with people aiming for a bit more than they have, too. The people that get very attracted to wanting a yacht are people that can either afford it or come close. Rarely will you see someone that is very poor strongly desire a yacht. Since it does not have attainability in their mind, they can not be seduced by the idea.
The second part of deservedness is effort. Specifically effort the woman puts in.
This is all based on the Cost-Value Conception. In short, Cost-Value says this: You will value something that costs a lot over something that costs little, largely irrespective of their real value. If you've ever won a stuffed animal at an amusement park or carnival, you know what I'm talking about. While you might not even take one for free if they're handing them out on the street as a promotion, by winning it at the carnival (putting in effort and probably more money than thing is worth) it gains a lot of value. The cost determines the value.
When a woman is forced to work for something, she will want it more. However, in the beginning, if she sees it as unattainable, she likely won't want it. This is largely true of men, too. While a man might like and desire a beautiful woman he sees passing, or a model, he's more likely to grow very attached to a woman he had sex with who broke up with him, or a woman who keeps saying she really likes him as a friend.
To make someone attracted to you, you simply need to have value and for them to feel deservedness. For value, you need value for their life. There are universally valuable/attractive things like confidence, charisma, health, wealth, loyalty, faith in oneself, purpose, fun, leadership, survival ability, and so on, there are also traits that are more or less valuable/attractive at different points in a woman's life. Some of these, like wealth and fun, are universally good but are larger priorities for some women than others. Other characteristics, like danger, eccentricity, risk-taking, and so on may be very attractive to certain women, but unattractive to others. It is a sad testament that even many traits that are mostly UNattractive are attractive to certain people, such as abuse and control. These people are mentally unhealthy, and though I advise you to stay away from them, it's worth noting that sometimes negative traits may be attractive to certain types of women at certain points in their lives.
For deservedness, make sure they feel you are attainable. This would mean not demonstrating all kinds of value to them without them knowing why: This makes you look desperate most of the time, but the worst part is that it can make many normal women feel insecure and that you're unattainable even when you do it well! Solid screening and qualifying can increase their sense of your attainability if you know how to target your questions and responses. The "special advantage" that Vincent is always talking about making her feel like she has is another good way.
The second part of deservedness is having her put in effort. If a woman works for a man, even just a bit, she'll be more attracted to him and want him more. Over time, you can use this to change the compliance scales between you two and make sure you keep getting compliance out of her. The result will be that she feels she's earned you and wants to keep you. If you continue to bed a woman for long periods of time, and she isn't helping you build your lifestyle, then you may run into problems where she isn't putting in enough effort and doesn't feel like she's worked for you, and therefore deserves you. So she loses attraction.
Examples from The Game by Neil Strauss:
I choose The Game by Neil Strauss as a teaching tool for this article. It's a cool read, and instead of using anecdotes from my own life of which I'm obviously biased, I can use a well-known good guy and objectively point out why people are or aren't attracted to each other in the book. I'll use some short excerpts and reference the page numbers, so y'all can read up the background at home if you have a copy.
On pages 312-317, Neil starts doing an interview of Britney Spears, a very coveted celebrity. He gets her phone number in a feat of true prowess, but is waffling on calling her.
THE GAME PAGE 317:
>>>>>>>>>>>
"Just call her," Mystery constantly prodded me. "What do you have to lose? Tell her, 'Can you not look like Britney Spears? We're going to do some crazy shit, and we can't get caught. We're going to wear wigs, climb up to the Hollywood sign, and touch it for good luck."
"If I had met her socially, fine. But this is a work assignment."
"You're playing the game at another level now. When the article is finished, it isn't an assignment anymore. So call her."
But I couldn't do it. If it had been Dalene Kurtis, the Playmate of the Year, I would have called her back in a second. I had no fear of women like that anymore. I felt worthy. I'd proven that over and over since meeting her. But Britney Spears?
One's self-esteem can only grow so much in a year and a half.
<<<<<<<<<<
MY COMMENTS:
You see Neil deciding against calling her because he thinks she's unattainable. The telltale lines are, "I had no fear of women like that anymore. I felt worthy." (shows he feels Dalene Kurtis is attainable to him) And "One's self-esteem can only grow so much in a year and a half." (shows he doesn't think Britney is attainable)
Now, if Britney had wanted Neil, she could have fostered a sense of attainability about herself for him. A phone call or two, or perhaps something akin to some of the techniques we use to ground herself as an average person beneath all the celebrity. And if she had done that, Neil would have became much, much attracted to her than he was.
***
Towards the end of The Game, Neil becomes very attracted - and eventually goes completely exclusive for - a woman named Lisa. What did Lisa have that the other girls didn't? Well, she had value for his life, being beautiful, intelligent, and with a better personality than most of the girls Neil has met. And since Neil is a top-notch Pick-Up Artist, he feels all women are attainable: He's unlikely to feel an Auto-Rejection Mechanism except on the most elite of celebrities.
But what about work? At this point in the book, Neil is used to getting huge amounts of compliance from the women in his life. He runs his game for a while and they like it. He phase-shifts and kisses them. They begin to fall ga-ga for them, and if necessary, he uses his techniques to blast LMR and bed them. When and how he pleases.
THE GAME PAGE 365
>>>>>>>>>>
I held her eye contact and moved toward her for the kiss, holding the camera in front of us to capture it.
"I'm not kissing you," she barked.
The words scalded my face like hot coffee. There was no girl I couldn't kiss within a half hour of meeting her. What was her problem?
I froze her out and tried again. Nothing.
It is in these moments that, as a PUA, you start to question the work you've done on yourself. You begin to worry that maybe she sees the real you, the one who existed before the silly nickname, the one who wrote poems about this exact situation in high school.
I delivered a moving, impassioned performance of the evolution phase-shift routine. Somewhere in the distance, I heard a thousand PUAs applauding.
"I'm not biting you," she said.
I wasn't through. I told her the most beautiful love story ever written: "On Seeing the 100 Percent Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning" by Haruki Murakami. It is about a man and a woman who are soul mates. But when they doubt their connection for a moment and decide not to act on it, they lose each other forever.
She was ice cold.
I tried a hardcore freeze-out: I blew out the candles, turned off the music, turned on the lights, and checked my email.
She climbed into my bed, curled up under the covers, and went to sleep.
I finally I joined her, and we slept on opposite ends of the bed.
<<<<<<<<<<
MY COMMENTS:
There is no doubt at this point in the book that Lisa will end up with Style if she wants him. She has value for his life, he feels she is attainable to him, but he will be made to work for it. If he "catches" her in the end, he will be astronomically more attracted to him than if she had bedded him that evening.
The old addage that a woman must make her man wait to have her for him to respect her isn't necessarily true. But it is one of the simplest and easiest ways of making a man work to get her and become more attracted.
The only way, the absolutely only way Lisa could lose Neil at this point in the novel is for his sense of attainability to fall off. This would be a difficult proposition, but because Style is a man of some character and self-esteem, he won't hang around forever if she makes it clear she won't be his. The value is there. He's worked for her. Now, if she keeps herself appearing attainable, she can have him when she likes him.
THE GAME PAGE 368:
>>>>>>>>>>
So we [Neil and Lisa] spent another platonic night together. It was driving me crazy. I knew she liked me. But she wouldn't get intimate. I was teetering on the border of being LJBF'ed.
Maybe I just wasn't her type. I imagined her with tattooed, muscle-bound, leather-jacketed Danzig types, not a scrawny metrosexual guy who had to take pickup workshops. She was killing me.
For the first time since I'd learned the word one-itis, I knew that I was doomed. No one ever gets his one-itis. He gets too clingy and needy and blows it. And, sure enough, I blew it.
<<<<<<<<<<
MY COMMENTS:
At this point, Neil is questing whether she's attainable or not. And then when she blows him off later, leaving him at the airport with a limo, liquor, and a fancy date planned, his sense of her attainability is near-gone. He continues to pursue her, but details on page 372 that he leaves a message for her and she doesn't call back.
Neil does his thing, and goes on a little tear of his own, sleeping with a bunch of different women. He thinks of Lisa from time to time, but you can even see what happens in the pacing of the book: There's barely a mention of her for the next 24 pages as he talks about sleeping with other women and all the ProHo drama. Though no one can be sure, pick-up artists would like to think Neil didn't spend all his time pining over Lisa in the days that passed until he ran into her again. Though this will happen occasionally with women, most of the time high self-esteem men won't think constantly over a one-itis once the sense of attainability is gone. At the very least, they're unlikely to take rational action unless the woman first makes a move of her own.
Which Lisa does, incidentally. If you've read the book, you know what happens. She shows up in her convertible, and Neil is ecstatic. She expresses interest in him on page 396 and his sense of her attainability is back.
THE GAME PAGE 410:
>>>>>>>>>>
[Strauss:] "So what made you drive up the hill the other day to see me again?"
[Lisa:] "while you were gone, I realized how much I missed you." I loved watching her lips part over her front teeth when she talked. It made me think of salmon on rice. "My friends were making fun of me because I was counting down the days until you came home. I actually went grocery shopping while you were gone so I could cook you food. I don't know why." She hesitated and smiled, as if she were offering information she'd never planned to divulge. "I bought a fresh piece of swordfish and had to throw it away because it went bad."
A warm flush of confidence filled my chest. So I still had a chance with this girl.
<<<<<<<<<<
MY COMMENTS:
Neil, again, sees Lisa as attainable and you can actually see him immediately feel attraction! She says she misses him, and then he thinks about how much he loves watching her lips part over her front teeth. He analogizes it to salmon on rice.
This is going to lead to more effective seduction on her part: She likes him, and with all the work she's made him put in, she has a definite shot at exclusivity with a top-notch pickup artist if she wants it. Her own "game" is definitely top of the line.
The rest of pages 410 and 411 are provide even better examples. Why did Lisa act the way she did and lose attraction for Neil? She, herself, wasn't sure about his attainability. She was thankfully sure enough to reengage him, but there was a little mixup that caused her Auto-Rejection Mechanism to set in - and tell a guy that she liked that he had no chance.
She's not rejecting Neil, she's rejecting HERSELF! This is what happens when the sense of attainability is removed.
THE GAME PAGE 410
>>>>>>>>>>
"But it's too late," she said. "The window was open with me, and you blew it."
David DeAngelo would have said to go cocky funny here. Ross Jeffries would have said not to buy into her frame. Mystery would have said to punish her. But I had to ask: "How did I blow it?"
"First off, you didn't call me when you came home from Miami. I had to go to you."
"Hold on. I thought you were blowing me off. You never even called while I was away."
"Well, your voice mail said you were out of town and you weren't receiving calls, so I didn't leave a message."
"Yeah, but I would have returned your call. I wanted to hear from you."
"Then you came to Whiskey Bar and hardly talked. And the last straw was when we went to your house to go surfing. I told Sam I was starting to like you again and she said, 'Get over it. When I went up to his room to use the bathroom, I found a used condom on the floor.'"
My brain leaped up and slapped itself. I had been careless: I'd forgotten to throw away the condom I'd used with Isabel. So that's what Sam and she were whispering about in the car on the way to Malibu.
"So then why did you agree to go out with me tonight?"
"You asked me out on a proper date. And you were a little nervous, so I figured you must really be into me."
I propped myself up on the pillows. I was about to say the most AFC thing of my life. "Let me tell you something. The pickup artists have a word they call one-itis. It's a disease that people get when they become obsessed with just one girl. And they never end up with this girl because they get too nervous around her and scare her away."
"So?" she asked.
"So," I said. "You're my one-itis."
We were looking each other in the eyes now. I could see hers sparkle. I knew mine were sparkling. It was time to kiss her.
There were no lines, no routines, no evolution phase-shift--I'd tried them all unsuccessfully anyway. I leaned in. She leaned in. Her eyes closed. My eyes closed. Our lips met. It was just like I'd always thought a kiss was supposed to begin.
For hours, we lay there making out and dissecting the connections and misunderstandings of the past few weeks.
<<<<<<<<<<
MY COMMENTS:
You can see her ARM (Auto-Rejection Mechanism) in motion. "I told Sam I was starting to like you again and she said, 'Get over it. When I went up to his room to use the bathroom, I found a used condom on the floor.'"
"I told Sam I was starting to like you again" is a classic example of attraction rebuilding. Neil invites Lisa surfing, so Lisa thinks Neil is attainable. Attraction grows. But then Sam tells Lisa about the condom on the floor. Attainability fades. Attraction fades.
BUT, Neil Strauss is a man of exceptional character, and shows why he's been crowned one of the best pick-up artists of this era. Though he's not exactly sure why, he knows intuitively that David DeAngelo's advice is based on making her work for him, which isn't the answer. Ross and Mystery are suggesting to do things that demonstrate traits of independence and choice, which also isn't necessary.
So Neil opens up and shows Lisa he's attainable. He goes as far as to tell her that he's obsessed with her: And it works. The value for her life was there (Neil's a great guy with a good career and lots of interesting stuff going on). She's had to work for him, charming and seducing him. When he shows her that he's attainable to her, she falls for him.
Deciding to be faithful now, Strauss sets about dumping his other girlfriends.
THE GAME PAGE 411:
>>>>>>>>>>
"So you're choosing her over me?" Isabel asked angrily.
"It's not an intellectual choice."
"Is she better in bed or something?"
"I don't know. We've only kissed."
"So you made out with some girl," she said, with a weak attempt at a cruel laugh, "and you want to get rid of me now."
"It's not that I want to get rid of you. I'd still like to see you, but as a friend." I could hear the word pierce her heart like a dagger, as it had my own heart so many times before I'd joined the community.
"But I love you."
How could she love me? She needed to go fuck a dozen other guys to get over her one-itis.
"I'm sorry," I said. And I was.
There is a downside to casual sex: Sometimes it stops being casual. People develop a desire for something more. And when one person's expectations don't match the other person's, then whoever holds the highest expectations suffers. There is no such thing as cheap sex. It always comes with a price.
<<<<<<<<<<
MY COMMENTS:
Neil, in a way, touches on value and working for someone here. Neil has more value for Isabel's life than Isabel has for Neil's life. And Isabel has worked harder for him (been more compliant for lower rewards, as per Vincent DiCarlo's Value/Compliance model) than he has for her. The two combined together means she feels she deserves him and is attracted to him - so of course it hurts. Many men that read this will understand how Isabel felt.
While it's not nearly as common for women to feel this pain as men, it does happen. She was attracted to him: Neil had value for Isabel's life, and she felt she deserved him (he was attainable because she had already been bedding him, she worked to get him by accepting terms she didn't like such as non-exclusivity).
Or I could be completely, totally off-base with my comments, and other stuff was going on.
Though I won't ruin the specifics, I'll let you know there is a happily-ever-after to this book, and Neil and Lisa do metaphorically ride off into the sunset together.
As for creating attraction in your own life, remember this formula:
Attraction = Value + Deservedness
Value is the value for her life. Cultivate the appearance of all universally attractive traits, and selectively demonstrate specific traits to specific women.
Deservedness is comprised of two elements. The first is attainability: If a woman thinks you are unattainable, her Auto-Rejection Mechanism will kick in. She'll blow you off so she doesn't feel hurt, and then backwards-rationalize it, halting attraction from growing and sometimes killing it all off. So you must let feel that you are potentially attainable. Conscious tactics for this include screening, qualifying, and making her feel like she has a special advantage. It can also be accomplished with looks and certain body language and tonality.
The second part of deservedness is the woman working to earn you, the cost/value conception. When someone works hard for something, they feel like it should be belong to them and it's to be prized. She'll feel like she deserves to be with you and she'll be attracted to you because of it.
Use these teachings wisely, friend. I documented some examples and you can see how negative emotions ran through some good people because of some missteps in attracting each other. These techniques can be a bit powerful and can mess with a woman's head, so do make sure to, as Neil puts it, not violate Ross Jeffries' only ethical rule of seduction: Leave her better than you found her.
Yours,
Sebastian Dimitri Drake
Swashbuckling Pick-Up Artist
as seen on Fast Seduction
By Sebastian Dimitri Drake
A definition of attraction - and a way to consistently to get attraction from any girl - is long overdue. Perhaps the two most misunderstood parts of the community are attraction and one of the pieces of it, value.
I'll set the record straight, and give you a gameplan for how to attract any woman in the world, as well as give specific examples of how attraction works. Since many people are familiar with it, I picked Neil Strauss' New York Times Bestseller The Game for my examples on how attraction works - I'll use a few excerpts from the book to explain how this all works.
Attraction is something desirable to someone, that much is obvious. But to create the kind of real, almost-tangible attraction that'll cause a woman to sleep with you, you need two components:
The Two Components of Attraction Are Value and Deservedness.
I will explain both.
"Value" is value for her life, based on her perceptions. What is valuable is unique to every single person, but pattern of what is valuable can easily be seen. Some things are almost always seen as valuable, and some things are almost always seen as detrimental to value. But the value of any given thing to a person is different for that person than another.
What does this mean? A giant script will not appeal to every single woman. At best, a script can mass-appeal to a man's target audience. Many sorority girls might have similar value for each other, so if you wanted that demographic, a script that's useful on many could be devised. But for broader categories, like "college girls", you'll need knowledge of how value works for different people.
There are many traits that are almost universally valuable (and thus, attractive). These should be almost universally developed, so that you're perceived as having them with minimal effort on your part. This includes confidence, charisma, leadership, intelligence, quick wit, sharp instincts, health, wealth, a strong sense of survival, purpose, adaptability, and so on. Very, very, very few women find these traits unattractive, so it's in every man's best interest to appear to have these.
This can be done in one of three ways.
1. Develop the trait: If you become confident, you will appear confident. If you become healthy, you will appear healthy. Et cetra.
This is the path that takes the longest to achieve out of the three, but is the easiest once you've achieved it.
2. Develop the appearance of the trait: "A prince need not possess princely qualities. He merely needs the appearance of princely qualities." - Niccolo Machiavelli
Machiavelli is largely right. If you're not confident, nor a leader, it is still in your best interest to develop the body language and walking patterns of a confident leader. This will give you the appearance of these things, the benefit of which is twofold: You'll be perceived as having the quality (useful in your immediate interactions) and by being perceived as having it, you might actually develop the quality ("fake it 'till you make it" at work). Developing the appearance of a quality you don't have is actually a great way to help develop that quality.
3. Demonstrate you have the quality any time the occasion arises. This is the fastest way to show one person you have a trait about you, but the least efficient way to show the world you have a quality. A good example for this would be kino: It demonstrates you're comfortable with yourself and comfortable around others (among other things).
If a man wants to demonstrate he's comfortable with himself and around others, one way might be to kino. After he achieves a base proficiency in kinesthetic interaction (kino, touching other people in a normal way), he can do so consciously to appear to be comfortable with himself and around others.
Over time, his kino will become automatic. At his point he's developed the appearance of the trait, and most people he will meet will perceive him as comfortable with himself and around others.
Finally, if he allows his belief system to develop, he'll come to actually be comfortable with himself and around other people. At this point, no conscious technique or tactic is necessary: He has simply become a person who is comfortable with himself and around others. Because this is a universally attractive trait, he is now always a more attractive man and he knows it.
Outside of universally attractive things are things that are attractive to specific women. A gold-digger wants money and status. A 28-year old working professional may be looking for a stable husband/father type man. A 34-year old divorcee may be looking for a feeling of youth and excitement. A young girl may want maturity OR want fun and popularity. Or both.
What any given woman wants is different based on the woman. But you can make generalizations. I always ask students what type of relationships they're looking for, and what their "type" is. Age, ethnicity, nationality, and social class are all ways that you can make an intelligent guess about what is attractive to a woman. It's why many pick-up artists have to adjust their techniques when moving to a new location. Even in the same nation, such as the cities of Atlanta and New York City, there are some differences in what the majority of people are looking for.
That said, fine-tuning your game to your "type" is great, but a master's proficiency in pickup will let you adjust what you're demonstrating to the specific girl you're with - and know exactly what to demonstrate.
Cultivating Deservedness:
Part of attraction is value. A large part. If you appear to have no value for her life, something that she'd specifically want, than it doesn't matter how much of the second part, deservedness, you cultivate.
But it is relatively easy to appear to have value. If you have even some semblance of "a life" then you've got some value. If you do some basic things to improve your life (or alternatively, the appearance of having improved your life) then value won't be your problem.
Attraction is not exclusively value. Value is a part of attraction, and necessary for it, but the second necessary component for attraction is deservedness.
Deservedness is broken into two parts: Attainability, and effort. Both require a comprehensive explanation and guidelines on how to produce these feelings in a woman.
Attainability, first, may confuse some. In all of life, people seem to strive for the unattainable. Something just a step beyond them.
But these things always seem to have some attainability to them. Think about it like this: While you may enjoy looking at a centerfold in a magazine, you are more likely to fall madly in love with the girl next door. Though a centerfold prompts a lot of physical attraction in you, you do nothing to actually GET the centerfold (well, most people...).
This comes down to an important concept called the Auto-Rejection Mechanism. In short, if someone believes they have no chance, they won't try. It's the reason master pick-up artists often struggle trying to pick up ugly girls: The girls have no sense of entitlement, so they don't let themselves get attracted and get hurt.
You can see examples with people aiming for a bit more than they have, too. The people that get very attracted to wanting a yacht are people that can either afford it or come close. Rarely will you see someone that is very poor strongly desire a yacht. Since it does not have attainability in their mind, they can not be seduced by the idea.
The second part of deservedness is effort. Specifically effort the woman puts in.
This is all based on the Cost-Value Conception. In short, Cost-Value says this: You will value something that costs a lot over something that costs little, largely irrespective of their real value. If you've ever won a stuffed animal at an amusement park or carnival, you know what I'm talking about. While you might not even take one for free if they're handing them out on the street as a promotion, by winning it at the carnival (putting in effort and probably more money than thing is worth) it gains a lot of value. The cost determines the value.
When a woman is forced to work for something, she will want it more. However, in the beginning, if she sees it as unattainable, she likely won't want it. This is largely true of men, too. While a man might like and desire a beautiful woman he sees passing, or a model, he's more likely to grow very attached to a woman he had sex with who broke up with him, or a woman who keeps saying she really likes him as a friend.
To make someone attracted to you, you simply need to have value and for them to feel deservedness. For value, you need value for their life. There are universally valuable/attractive things like confidence, charisma, health, wealth, loyalty, faith in oneself, purpose, fun, leadership, survival ability, and so on, there are also traits that are more or less valuable/attractive at different points in a woman's life. Some of these, like wealth and fun, are universally good but are larger priorities for some women than others. Other characteristics, like danger, eccentricity, risk-taking, and so on may be very attractive to certain women, but unattractive to others. It is a sad testament that even many traits that are mostly UNattractive are attractive to certain people, such as abuse and control. These people are mentally unhealthy, and though I advise you to stay away from them, it's worth noting that sometimes negative traits may be attractive to certain types of women at certain points in their lives.
For deservedness, make sure they feel you are attainable. This would mean not demonstrating all kinds of value to them without them knowing why: This makes you look desperate most of the time, but the worst part is that it can make many normal women feel insecure and that you're unattainable even when you do it well! Solid screening and qualifying can increase their sense of your attainability if you know how to target your questions and responses. The "special advantage" that Vincent is always talking about making her feel like she has is another good way.
The second part of deservedness is having her put in effort. If a woman works for a man, even just a bit, she'll be more attracted to him and want him more. Over time, you can use this to change the compliance scales between you two and make sure you keep getting compliance out of her. The result will be that she feels she's earned you and wants to keep you. If you continue to bed a woman for long periods of time, and she isn't helping you build your lifestyle, then you may run into problems where she isn't putting in enough effort and doesn't feel like she's worked for you, and therefore deserves you. So she loses attraction.
Examples from The Game by Neil Strauss:
I choose The Game by Neil Strauss as a teaching tool for this article. It's a cool read, and instead of using anecdotes from my own life of which I'm obviously biased, I can use a well-known good guy and objectively point out why people are or aren't attracted to each other in the book. I'll use some short excerpts and reference the page numbers, so y'all can read up the background at home if you have a copy.
On pages 312-317, Neil starts doing an interview of Britney Spears, a very coveted celebrity. He gets her phone number in a feat of true prowess, but is waffling on calling her.
THE GAME PAGE 317:
>>>>>>>>>>>
"Just call her," Mystery constantly prodded me. "What do you have to lose? Tell her, 'Can you not look like Britney Spears? We're going to do some crazy shit, and we can't get caught. We're going to wear wigs, climb up to the Hollywood sign, and touch it for good luck."
"If I had met her socially, fine. But this is a work assignment."
"You're playing the game at another level now. When the article is finished, it isn't an assignment anymore. So call her."
But I couldn't do it. If it had been Dalene Kurtis, the Playmate of the Year, I would have called her back in a second. I had no fear of women like that anymore. I felt worthy. I'd proven that over and over since meeting her. But Britney Spears?
One's self-esteem can only grow so much in a year and a half.
<<<<<<<<<<
MY COMMENTS:
You see Neil deciding against calling her because he thinks she's unattainable. The telltale lines are, "I had no fear of women like that anymore. I felt worthy." (shows he feels Dalene Kurtis is attainable to him) And "One's self-esteem can only grow so much in a year and a half." (shows he doesn't think Britney is attainable)
Now, if Britney had wanted Neil, she could have fostered a sense of attainability about herself for him. A phone call or two, or perhaps something akin to some of the techniques we use to ground herself as an average person beneath all the celebrity. And if she had done that, Neil would have became much, much attracted to her than he was.
***
Towards the end of The Game, Neil becomes very attracted - and eventually goes completely exclusive for - a woman named Lisa. What did Lisa have that the other girls didn't? Well, she had value for his life, being beautiful, intelligent, and with a better personality than most of the girls Neil has met. And since Neil is a top-notch Pick-Up Artist, he feels all women are attainable: He's unlikely to feel an Auto-Rejection Mechanism except on the most elite of celebrities.
But what about work? At this point in the book, Neil is used to getting huge amounts of compliance from the women in his life. He runs his game for a while and they like it. He phase-shifts and kisses them. They begin to fall ga-ga for them, and if necessary, he uses his techniques to blast LMR and bed them. When and how he pleases.
THE GAME PAGE 365
>>>>>>>>>>
I held her eye contact and moved toward her for the kiss, holding the camera in front of us to capture it.
"I'm not kissing you," she barked.
The words scalded my face like hot coffee. There was no girl I couldn't kiss within a half hour of meeting her. What was her problem?
I froze her out and tried again. Nothing.
It is in these moments that, as a PUA, you start to question the work you've done on yourself. You begin to worry that maybe she sees the real you, the one who existed before the silly nickname, the one who wrote poems about this exact situation in high school.
I delivered a moving, impassioned performance of the evolution phase-shift routine. Somewhere in the distance, I heard a thousand PUAs applauding.
"I'm not biting you," she said.
I wasn't through. I told her the most beautiful love story ever written: "On Seeing the 100 Percent Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning" by Haruki Murakami. It is about a man and a woman who are soul mates. But when they doubt their connection for a moment and decide not to act on it, they lose each other forever.
She was ice cold.
I tried a hardcore freeze-out: I blew out the candles, turned off the music, turned on the lights, and checked my email.
She climbed into my bed, curled up under the covers, and went to sleep.
I finally I joined her, and we slept on opposite ends of the bed.
<<<<<<<<<<
MY COMMENTS:
There is no doubt at this point in the book that Lisa will end up with Style if she wants him. She has value for his life, he feels she is attainable to him, but he will be made to work for it. If he "catches" her in the end, he will be astronomically more attracted to him than if she had bedded him that evening.
The old addage that a woman must make her man wait to have her for him to respect her isn't necessarily true. But it is one of the simplest and easiest ways of making a man work to get her and become more attracted.
The only way, the absolutely only way Lisa could lose Neil at this point in the novel is for his sense of attainability to fall off. This would be a difficult proposition, but because Style is a man of some character and self-esteem, he won't hang around forever if she makes it clear she won't be his. The value is there. He's worked for her. Now, if she keeps herself appearing attainable, she can have him when she likes him.
THE GAME PAGE 368:
>>>>>>>>>>
So we [Neil and Lisa] spent another platonic night together. It was driving me crazy. I knew she liked me. But she wouldn't get intimate. I was teetering on the border of being LJBF'ed.
Maybe I just wasn't her type. I imagined her with tattooed, muscle-bound, leather-jacketed Danzig types, not a scrawny metrosexual guy who had to take pickup workshops. She was killing me.
For the first time since I'd learned the word one-itis, I knew that I was doomed. No one ever gets his one-itis. He gets too clingy and needy and blows it. And, sure enough, I blew it.
<<<<<<<<<<
MY COMMENTS:
At this point, Neil is questing whether she's attainable or not. And then when she blows him off later, leaving him at the airport with a limo, liquor, and a fancy date planned, his sense of her attainability is near-gone. He continues to pursue her, but details on page 372 that he leaves a message for her and she doesn't call back.
Neil does his thing, and goes on a little tear of his own, sleeping with a bunch of different women. He thinks of Lisa from time to time, but you can even see what happens in the pacing of the book: There's barely a mention of her for the next 24 pages as he talks about sleeping with other women and all the ProHo drama. Though no one can be sure, pick-up artists would like to think Neil didn't spend all his time pining over Lisa in the days that passed until he ran into her again. Though this will happen occasionally with women, most of the time high self-esteem men won't think constantly over a one-itis once the sense of attainability is gone. At the very least, they're unlikely to take rational action unless the woman first makes a move of her own.
Which Lisa does, incidentally. If you've read the book, you know what happens. She shows up in her convertible, and Neil is ecstatic. She expresses interest in him on page 396 and his sense of her attainability is back.
THE GAME PAGE 410:
>>>>>>>>>>
[Strauss:] "So what made you drive up the hill the other day to see me again?"
[Lisa:] "while you were gone, I realized how much I missed you." I loved watching her lips part over her front teeth when she talked. It made me think of salmon on rice. "My friends were making fun of me because I was counting down the days until you came home. I actually went grocery shopping while you were gone so I could cook you food. I don't know why." She hesitated and smiled, as if she were offering information she'd never planned to divulge. "I bought a fresh piece of swordfish and had to throw it away because it went bad."
A warm flush of confidence filled my chest. So I still had a chance with this girl.
<<<<<<<<<<
MY COMMENTS:
Neil, again, sees Lisa as attainable and you can actually see him immediately feel attraction! She says she misses him, and then he thinks about how much he loves watching her lips part over her front teeth. He analogizes it to salmon on rice.
This is going to lead to more effective seduction on her part: She likes him, and with all the work she's made him put in, she has a definite shot at exclusivity with a top-notch pickup artist if she wants it. Her own "game" is definitely top of the line.
The rest of pages 410 and 411 are provide even better examples. Why did Lisa act the way she did and lose attraction for Neil? She, herself, wasn't sure about his attainability. She was thankfully sure enough to reengage him, but there was a little mixup that caused her Auto-Rejection Mechanism to set in - and tell a guy that she liked that he had no chance.
She's not rejecting Neil, she's rejecting HERSELF! This is what happens when the sense of attainability is removed.
THE GAME PAGE 410
>>>>>>>>>>
"But it's too late," she said. "The window was open with me, and you blew it."
David DeAngelo would have said to go cocky funny here. Ross Jeffries would have said not to buy into her frame. Mystery would have said to punish her. But I had to ask: "How did I blow it?"
"First off, you didn't call me when you came home from Miami. I had to go to you."
"Hold on. I thought you were blowing me off. You never even called while I was away."
"Well, your voice mail said you were out of town and you weren't receiving calls, so I didn't leave a message."
"Yeah, but I would have returned your call. I wanted to hear from you."
"Then you came to Whiskey Bar and hardly talked. And the last straw was when we went to your house to go surfing. I told Sam I was starting to like you again and she said, 'Get over it. When I went up to his room to use the bathroom, I found a used condom on the floor.'"
My brain leaped up and slapped itself. I had been careless: I'd forgotten to throw away the condom I'd used with Isabel. So that's what Sam and she were whispering about in the car on the way to Malibu.
"So then why did you agree to go out with me tonight?"
"You asked me out on a proper date. And you were a little nervous, so I figured you must really be into me."
I propped myself up on the pillows. I was about to say the most AFC thing of my life. "Let me tell you something. The pickup artists have a word they call one-itis. It's a disease that people get when they become obsessed with just one girl. And they never end up with this girl because they get too nervous around her and scare her away."
"So?" she asked.
"So," I said. "You're my one-itis."
We were looking each other in the eyes now. I could see hers sparkle. I knew mine were sparkling. It was time to kiss her.
There were no lines, no routines, no evolution phase-shift--I'd tried them all unsuccessfully anyway. I leaned in. She leaned in. Her eyes closed. My eyes closed. Our lips met. It was just like I'd always thought a kiss was supposed to begin.
For hours, we lay there making out and dissecting the connections and misunderstandings of the past few weeks.
<<<<<<<<<<
MY COMMENTS:
You can see her ARM (Auto-Rejection Mechanism) in motion. "I told Sam I was starting to like you again and she said, 'Get over it. When I went up to his room to use the bathroom, I found a used condom on the floor.'"
"I told Sam I was starting to like you again" is a classic example of attraction rebuilding. Neil invites Lisa surfing, so Lisa thinks Neil is attainable. Attraction grows. But then Sam tells Lisa about the condom on the floor. Attainability fades. Attraction fades.
BUT, Neil Strauss is a man of exceptional character, and shows why he's been crowned one of the best pick-up artists of this era. Though he's not exactly sure why, he knows intuitively that David DeAngelo's advice is based on making her work for him, which isn't the answer. Ross and Mystery are suggesting to do things that demonstrate traits of independence and choice, which also isn't necessary.
So Neil opens up and shows Lisa he's attainable. He goes as far as to tell her that he's obsessed with her: And it works. The value for her life was there (Neil's a great guy with a good career and lots of interesting stuff going on). She's had to work for him, charming and seducing him. When he shows her that he's attainable to her, she falls for him.
Deciding to be faithful now, Strauss sets about dumping his other girlfriends.
THE GAME PAGE 411:
>>>>>>>>>>
"So you're choosing her over me?" Isabel asked angrily.
"It's not an intellectual choice."
"Is she better in bed or something?"
"I don't know. We've only kissed."
"So you made out with some girl," she said, with a weak attempt at a cruel laugh, "and you want to get rid of me now."
"It's not that I want to get rid of you. I'd still like to see you, but as a friend." I could hear the word pierce her heart like a dagger, as it had my own heart so many times before I'd joined the community.
"But I love you."
How could she love me? She needed to go fuck a dozen other guys to get over her one-itis.
"I'm sorry," I said. And I was.
There is a downside to casual sex: Sometimes it stops being casual. People develop a desire for something more. And when one person's expectations don't match the other person's, then whoever holds the highest expectations suffers. There is no such thing as cheap sex. It always comes with a price.
<<<<<<<<<<
MY COMMENTS:
Neil, in a way, touches on value and working for someone here. Neil has more value for Isabel's life than Isabel has for Neil's life. And Isabel has worked harder for him (been more compliant for lower rewards, as per Vincent DiCarlo's Value/Compliance model) than he has for her. The two combined together means she feels she deserves him and is attracted to him - so of course it hurts. Many men that read this will understand how Isabel felt.
While it's not nearly as common for women to feel this pain as men, it does happen. She was attracted to him: Neil had value for Isabel's life, and she felt she deserved him (he was attainable because she had already been bedding him, she worked to get him by accepting terms she didn't like such as non-exclusivity).
Or I could be completely, totally off-base with my comments, and other stuff was going on.
Though I won't ruin the specifics, I'll let you know there is a happily-ever-after to this book, and Neil and Lisa do metaphorically ride off into the sunset together.
As for creating attraction in your own life, remember this formula:
Attraction = Value + Deservedness
Value is the value for her life. Cultivate the appearance of all universally attractive traits, and selectively demonstrate specific traits to specific women.
Deservedness is comprised of two elements. The first is attainability: If a woman thinks you are unattainable, her Auto-Rejection Mechanism will kick in. She'll blow you off so she doesn't feel hurt, and then backwards-rationalize it, halting attraction from growing and sometimes killing it all off. So you must let feel that you are potentially attainable. Conscious tactics for this include screening, qualifying, and making her feel like she has a special advantage. It can also be accomplished with looks and certain body language and tonality.
The second part of deservedness is the woman working to earn you, the cost/value conception. When someone works hard for something, they feel like it should be belong to them and it's to be prized. She'll feel like she deserves to be with you and she'll be attracted to you because of it.
Use these teachings wisely, friend. I documented some examples and you can see how negative emotions ran through some good people because of some missteps in attracting each other. These techniques can be a bit powerful and can mess with a woman's head, so do make sure to, as Neil puts it, not violate Ross Jeffries' only ethical rule of seduction: Leave her better than you found her.
Yours,
Sebastian Dimitri Drake
Swashbuckling Pick-Up Artist
as seen on Fast Seduction
23 Oktober 2005
Gunwitch: The key to masculinity
Women are feminine, men are masculine. This can escape us all sometimes that this is basic first fact of what attracts women to men when we over complicate things.
If you have read my other materials you know I advocate sexual state as a state to project to women. You see when someone is dominated at a personality level they will attempt to match the state of the individual they feel "lesser" than.
Think of white women who hang out with "ghetto" black people. they match that state.
Masculinity itself as a state of being and personality trait can cause this same effect on women.
The right internal beliefs and mindsets are key for this: from my book,
THE MASCULINE MAN
We stripped you of all the negative conditionings and behaviors in the foundations section.
Now we must move past just not being ****ed up in the head, but actually “good in the head”. Attractive in mindset, not just neutral and natural, will be our goal in this lesson.
When stripped of your negative conditionings you are left with well, just a bit of character most times. Hence the need for the themes of conversation based on TV, music, movies, celebrities etc until you fill in the blanks with your own interesting stories lacking any negatives of conversation.
Negative conditionings are what we tend to be raised on and fed as our persona all our lives, so of course letting go of them kind of left you “neutral” in nature, good of course because neutral doesn’t **** things up like negative conditioning does.
But what is attractive to women? Aside from of course biological drive to have a penis inside them and the pleasurable friction such causes?
What is basic FIRST fact we are dealing with of WHO women **** and whom they don't?
Women are attracted to men. Masculinity, all that is a man, is what they are attracted to. Surely women by nature are attracted to what puts in, what moves forward, what dominates. As by nature women take in and are penetrated. Psych 101 there.
This that I am telling you isn’t very “women dominate men are losers” politically correct, but women’s of course first basic nature is to “take in” to submit, to be lead.
Notice if you will for a second as well that these “STRENGTH” and dominance-thinking women tend to be A. homosexual “butch” types or B. ugly females who are not catered to or pampered, they are not feminine, they are heavily lacking in femininity actually, so viola, the try to embody masculinity as their first character trait as a retaliation and to make it through the world easier.
Notice how the best-looking stereotypically/most feminine women lack dominance, masculinity and “toughness” of any kind. They have never needed it in any way as they have always been catered to and pampered.
When faced with any resemblance of masculinity/dominance/toughness, lacking the negative conversational frames of foundations section, such as talking about what I am right now heh, what do they do? They FOLLOW and bend their will and giggle and go girly. A good thing as this is part of her femininity you connect with when you get her feeling this way rather than neutral.
OF course this leads us to our next question.
What makes a man a man and woman a woman? To get the most attractive, most feminine of women surely we want to be what she is lacking to bring out what she is. A MAN. Masculine.
What makes a man a man besides a penis? That is the question that must be answered here to get a working strategy for your personality, your character your way of acting. Simple analysis of your ideals and what you are lacking and what you desire will help a lot, but a working strategy is needed for getting closer to this ideal.
Testosterone, Inner beliefs of a non-feminine nature, a view of the world based on being a male and how being that is perceived, maturity rather than adolescence. Certainly all these things make a man a man. A man isn't by nature “lame clueless loser who thinks he is less than a woman and therefore should be good passive little *****”.
Getting your **** together as a MALE:
What is your life? What is it? What do you do? Who have you become?
You go sit on a pad all day and type keys, or you sit on a telephone all day.
You eat a lunch of fried potatoes and seaweed flavored like beef wrapped in enriched whole flour.
What scares you daily as cavemen were?
You jerk off to other people having sex on a screen.
You go to the doctor if you find a mole you didn't see before and worry for a week.
You want women you are told to want, not what you lust for and most desire.
You worry what other people think of you in petty matters.
You wonder if you punched someone in the face if they'd just stand there and laugh at you?
This does not make for testosterone production or masculine behavior. These are not male behaviors.
This is not the lifestyle of a natural man. Cavemen got laid with little or no thought and they in no way engaged in the above behaviors.
Now I'm not going to tell you to quit your job, run off to the mountains and hunt your food with a spear. Though a month of that could do you wonders I guarantee.
Instead LIFT WEIGHTS. Labor and use of your body, release of endorphins and effects on testosterone, insulin, masculinity and too much to go in to here is DIRE.
You could take testosterone injections and end up with tits but working the WHOLE body will increase it naturally. People are not meant to be sedentary.
The last 50 years advances in labor saving machines and economic growth have taken a major toll on most men as natural masculine males. You do not have to build a ton of muscle or workout 5 days a week. Just LIFT SOMETHING other than bags of groceries and do it regularly this will increase testosterone.
Lifting weights will not make you a masculine macho man right off the bat by any means. This will at least start on your way to getting the chemicals in your body on the right track for a more masculine behavior base however.
Eat right. Well this isn't possible for most. But drink plenty of water and give an effort to lay off the white stuff though. Breads, pastas, rice, sugar and enriched flour are not natural for our system. I have been doing this WELL before any recent diet fads and it does work to keep fat off, eat enjoyable food and also to make you more vigorous.
This isn't some crackpot idea, the science backs it up that not eating these things will increase testosterone and natural balances in the body. So really they more restore them to NORMAL. Normal being when men were men, not overfed veal. Both eating right and lifting weights unless you have a weight problem already will keep you lean and attractive looking socially as well as biologically to women.
Take a risk man. Not even a REAL risk is needed, just get that ticker going now and again.
Get in a martial art where you will compete with other men or even have a game of hardcore rugby (more dangerous but just as good), or hell if you want go fight club and start fighting your buddies in the back yard.
Go sky diving, bungee jumping, go on a roller coaster, and go camping alone in the woods.
These kinds of things as well increase testosterone, fear creates it at biological and psychological levels, again too much to go in to at a chemical and psychological level.
Even better is that they have an immediate effect on your sense of self-being a man not a boy, an adventurer or warrior not a "technical support" or "student" guy.
Quit masturbating all the time PLEASE. Masturbating to porn was by far not natural or normal, common everyday male behavior up until 20 years ago or less. It still is not natural. Lack of orgasm tells your body it isn't mating, this causes increased testosterone levels to make you more aggressive in finding a mate. An orgasm with a woman on the other hand INCREASES testosterone levels from the excitement.
Masturbating will also negatively impact your level of persistence heavily as a side “bonus”. Of course when you masturbate you are not as horny and don’t want the sex as much. Not really wanting sex, as much, will make you say “ahh hell with it then” and not even try to get a connection at a conversation level.
If you do the things above, exercise; eat well, abstain from masturbation and do things that are challenging to you what good does it do? You are forming your “sun” by doing these things. More on this “sun” talk later.
Forming your sun isn’t enough to make you hyper attractive to women of course; you will also need your “body”. Not your physical body, far from it really. In this metaphor your body is what you think, what your core beliefs are. We wiped clean all those bull**** ways of thinking as a foundation; lets replace them with some powerful ones now to get you on your way to an advanced level of attraction with women.
The way you think is of major impact on what you are able to project ******ds in a congruent manner.
Here are some examples of the way a guy can think that make him more masculine, hence more attractive to women. Becoming “natural male” or “natural man” is the next step to being more attractive to women after becoming “neutral man” that followed “ conditioned male”
1: Natural mans picture of himself is not as a boy: Soft living and pampering, from womb to coffin we are given. We are saved when we need saving and listened to when we cry. Natural man doesn't have this perception. When he thinks "me" he doesn't think he is young or a child or a boy. He sees himself as a man. You are an adult a grown up.
Act accordingly. Don't be crying about ****, if somebody didn't ****ing drop dead don't be crying. Don't be hanging on women like they are your mothers. There are 500 of these children like behaviors, to many to list. Being aware of it in the first place is all it takes. Its called not being a ***** ass little boy. You get your "sun" these things don't happen as much anyways. Still be aware of thinking like a MAN and an adult, not something weak or helpless.
2: Other men are not superior to you. Natural man would have none of this. Get your sun in place and it'll come. To offend another man is to possibly have to fight. All it means to offend another man. SO WHAT. You don't giggle or even crack a smile when someone makes a joke at your expense, they don’t like that? TOO bad, you are MALE; you can and will compete for respect.
People used to like it when you made jokes about yourself? TOO bad, they'll get focused eye contact from you now, not jokes and you giggling at the floor. You aren't looking for trouble, but you aren't going to avoid it either less its REAL dangerous.
Even then, that gangbanger with the gun in his waistband who's house you ended up at for some reason might just shoot you for being a “little wimpy punk ass” in his eyes when you talk about "I'm such a tight ass square white boy".
You MUST KNOW that you wont giggle or be passive enough to get out of some biker bar where they have decided to strip you naked and drag you around the parking lot behind their motorcycles. Extreme sounding I know, but some guys are WAY too passive when they shouldn’t even be considering if someone would take kindness for weakness or not.
So be a MAN and don't “look for trouble” but also don’t try so damn hard to avoid it, when you do it makes you come off like an insignificant ant, especially while it’s happening. Natural man is no victim.
Thought 3: You don't take any **** from anyone with a smile. Usually you wont take any **** at all, but if you are backed in to a corner hands tied and your balls in a vice, you don't grin and bear it, you just bear it.
You do this because you have an imaginary audience. This life you are living is the movie, you are the main character. This life is no comedy; you take life seriously when serious situations arise. You are the leading man in every story. You only take the scripts that suit you. You MUST live up to this audience, your entire self is watching! Yeah the situation may pass with you no worse for it in body or health, you know this at an intellectual level.
YOU however are watching though, and every time you swallow the “**** you’s” life hands you without some amount of dignity and masculinity it takes a toll in how you see yourself and project yourself to others. Living in a passive or comedic or “I’m just the loser of the piece way”? Pffffffft. That's when you aren't so serious and are just making a cameo appearance as a big time leading man in some stupid comedy. Passing through.
4. Willpower is what natural man uses for almost every aspect of his life. Ask any woman this. Of any character trait what would be THE one that is most desirable? If it isn’t recommended they won’t say it, but they feel it at a very core level, the ability to manifest ones willpower when its needed is a very attractive thing. Women give up, women submit, women cry and beg when they are scared, women stop trying. Not ALL women ALWAYS in EVERYTHING, I’m not politically correct or feminist friendly but I know women do sometimes muster SOME willpower. In general though, meeting feminine women with strong willpower? Nope, doesn’t go hand in hand.
The naturally attractive male has this, and if mentioned any woman would put it first as what she “needs to complete” or “what’s attractive”.
Natural man can bust his ****ing ass and really bring the willpower to provide for his family in hard times.
Natural man doesn’t let his woman get felt up, maybe carried away and raped by a bigger stronger man, he gets the willpower up that says “I’ll TAKE IT instead cause I can hack it” and comes to her defense.
Natural man can wrestle that dog attacking his kids, HER kids, overcoming his fears by sheer willpower, and not roll up in a ball and go “ouch” while it bites off the kid’s testicles and his woman’s throat out.
Bit grim I know heh, but though something like this doesn’t happen often in reality at a psychological level it does when you get punked around.
Demonstrations of weakness affect the women you are involved with at a primal level. When you say “I quit that job cause it made my feet sore” she doesn’t think “me and my young starving to death”, but a certain something is lost in the way she thinks of you.
When she hears you say “job sucked but I did what I had to do until I could get in to something better” she doesn’t hear “good provider” but a certain level of “damn I wouldn’t have done that, this guys got something I don’t to bring to our “male-female table”” is felt.
5. Natural man is dominant. Maybe second only to willpower. Natural man just doesn’t look down first. Like when 2 sets of eyes meet, especially yours and hers.
Getting her in bed isn’t as simple as a trick like that, though the eye contact and who breaks it first is something to be mindful of.
Natural man isn’t afraid to fight, isn’t afraid to compete, isn’t afraid to tell someone else to shut the **** up, or quiet down in a movie theatre who wont quit talking.
There’s a reason “bad boy” or yard bird types are attractive to women, they have a strong dominance, combined with stupidity of course that says “I don’t care if I’ll go to prison I’m going to run this ****er off the road for flipping me the bird”. You only need the dominance part. Women don’t pay attention to the stupidity element in a positive way anyhow, unless it’s some roadpig biker skag or someone who goes for that sort of idiocy.
Most veteran police officers possess this dominance, some, though fewer and fewer these “Pussified” days, military men have it. Most any boxer you meet will have this. A HUGE recommendation I can make is get in boxing classes.
Dominance is what women lack most of ANY one trait aside from a penis. Again this course isn’t catering to feminist brain washings. Go research for a month and name 10 great female leaders of rebellions through dominance of troops and other powers, or hell even 10 female civil rights leaders. I will name 5 to 1 with NO research males who did the same thing or more.
None of the 50 I named would have been lacking in sex life, even FAR before they did their deeds.
Women have many many fine virtues. Ability to relate to others, reverse engineered thinking capacity, compassion, empathy. Roles have gotten reversed and tweaked out of balance though. No fate in my opinion, but genetically we are built for different tasks in this life.
Not knowing the roles has not only hurt men, but also women in that men aren’t men for them anymore. The most dominant and usually lesbian feminists didn’t just empower women to higher purposes than “cook and clean and make babies”, they also slipped in the agenda of taking all the men away at a mental level.
Natural man dominates with no concern of being seen as “a brute from the wrong time period”. Natural mans only concern when it comes to domination of others is his freedom (is it legal) and the greater good of all involved (if he is of ethics). Natural mans concern is not if “will the brain washed by feminists people think I’m trying to be a macho manly man”.
A macho manly man is something to aspire to be. Not something to fear being looked at as socially in a negative light. So natural man doesn’t cry for the children of poverty stricken Ethiopia, so natural man doesn’t read poetry or listen to folk music? He doesn’t give a ****, and knows because so many women want to **** him, those women only SAY they give a **** about such things in a man.
Women can find a sensitive new age sweater wearing candy and flowers hugs and kisses for babies guy in every suburban apartment and office building.
The natural man however, with a brain (not in a penitentiary), who can still be lighthearted in a normal conversation without being a tight ass or getting fiery or intense? Rare animal. THAT’S how you want to be unique for women, and in no other way.
From this "state", I "" state as it is more a personaltiy trait and lifestyle than a "state", is where you project sexual state as in my methods and get her to match you, hence become turned on, attraction achieved!
as seen on So Suave
If you have read my other materials you know I advocate sexual state as a state to project to women. You see when someone is dominated at a personality level they will attempt to match the state of the individual they feel "lesser" than.
Think of white women who hang out with "ghetto" black people. they match that state.
Masculinity itself as a state of being and personality trait can cause this same effect on women.
The right internal beliefs and mindsets are key for this: from my book,
THE MASCULINE MAN
We stripped you of all the negative conditionings and behaviors in the foundations section.
Now we must move past just not being ****ed up in the head, but actually “good in the head”. Attractive in mindset, not just neutral and natural, will be our goal in this lesson.
When stripped of your negative conditionings you are left with well, just a bit of character most times. Hence the need for the themes of conversation based on TV, music, movies, celebrities etc until you fill in the blanks with your own interesting stories lacking any negatives of conversation.
Negative conditionings are what we tend to be raised on and fed as our persona all our lives, so of course letting go of them kind of left you “neutral” in nature, good of course because neutral doesn’t **** things up like negative conditioning does.
But what is attractive to women? Aside from of course biological drive to have a penis inside them and the pleasurable friction such causes?
What is basic FIRST fact we are dealing with of WHO women **** and whom they don't?
Women are attracted to men. Masculinity, all that is a man, is what they are attracted to. Surely women by nature are attracted to what puts in, what moves forward, what dominates. As by nature women take in and are penetrated. Psych 101 there.
This that I am telling you isn’t very “women dominate men are losers” politically correct, but women’s of course first basic nature is to “take in” to submit, to be lead.
Notice if you will for a second as well that these “STRENGTH” and dominance-thinking women tend to be A. homosexual “butch” types or B. ugly females who are not catered to or pampered, they are not feminine, they are heavily lacking in femininity actually, so viola, the try to embody masculinity as their first character trait as a retaliation and to make it through the world easier.
Notice how the best-looking stereotypically/most feminine women lack dominance, masculinity and “toughness” of any kind. They have never needed it in any way as they have always been catered to and pampered.
When faced with any resemblance of masculinity/dominance/toughness, lacking the negative conversational frames of foundations section, such as talking about what I am right now heh, what do they do? They FOLLOW and bend their will and giggle and go girly. A good thing as this is part of her femininity you connect with when you get her feeling this way rather than neutral.
OF course this leads us to our next question.
What makes a man a man and woman a woman? To get the most attractive, most feminine of women surely we want to be what she is lacking to bring out what she is. A MAN. Masculine.
What makes a man a man besides a penis? That is the question that must be answered here to get a working strategy for your personality, your character your way of acting. Simple analysis of your ideals and what you are lacking and what you desire will help a lot, but a working strategy is needed for getting closer to this ideal.
Testosterone, Inner beliefs of a non-feminine nature, a view of the world based on being a male and how being that is perceived, maturity rather than adolescence. Certainly all these things make a man a man. A man isn't by nature “lame clueless loser who thinks he is less than a woman and therefore should be good passive little *****”.
Getting your **** together as a MALE:
What is your life? What is it? What do you do? Who have you become?
You go sit on a pad all day and type keys, or you sit on a telephone all day.
You eat a lunch of fried potatoes and seaweed flavored like beef wrapped in enriched whole flour.
What scares you daily as cavemen were?
You jerk off to other people having sex on a screen.
You go to the doctor if you find a mole you didn't see before and worry for a week.
You want women you are told to want, not what you lust for and most desire.
You worry what other people think of you in petty matters.
You wonder if you punched someone in the face if they'd just stand there and laugh at you?
This does not make for testosterone production or masculine behavior. These are not male behaviors.
This is not the lifestyle of a natural man. Cavemen got laid with little or no thought and they in no way engaged in the above behaviors.
Now I'm not going to tell you to quit your job, run off to the mountains and hunt your food with a spear. Though a month of that could do you wonders I guarantee.
Instead LIFT WEIGHTS. Labor and use of your body, release of endorphins and effects on testosterone, insulin, masculinity and too much to go in to here is DIRE.
You could take testosterone injections and end up with tits but working the WHOLE body will increase it naturally. People are not meant to be sedentary.
The last 50 years advances in labor saving machines and economic growth have taken a major toll on most men as natural masculine males. You do not have to build a ton of muscle or workout 5 days a week. Just LIFT SOMETHING other than bags of groceries and do it regularly this will increase testosterone.
Lifting weights will not make you a masculine macho man right off the bat by any means. This will at least start on your way to getting the chemicals in your body on the right track for a more masculine behavior base however.
Eat right. Well this isn't possible for most. But drink plenty of water and give an effort to lay off the white stuff though. Breads, pastas, rice, sugar and enriched flour are not natural for our system. I have been doing this WELL before any recent diet fads and it does work to keep fat off, eat enjoyable food and also to make you more vigorous.
This isn't some crackpot idea, the science backs it up that not eating these things will increase testosterone and natural balances in the body. So really they more restore them to NORMAL. Normal being when men were men, not overfed veal. Both eating right and lifting weights unless you have a weight problem already will keep you lean and attractive looking socially as well as biologically to women.
Take a risk man. Not even a REAL risk is needed, just get that ticker going now and again.
Get in a martial art where you will compete with other men or even have a game of hardcore rugby (more dangerous but just as good), or hell if you want go fight club and start fighting your buddies in the back yard.
Go sky diving, bungee jumping, go on a roller coaster, and go camping alone in the woods.
These kinds of things as well increase testosterone, fear creates it at biological and psychological levels, again too much to go in to at a chemical and psychological level.
Even better is that they have an immediate effect on your sense of self-being a man not a boy, an adventurer or warrior not a "technical support" or "student" guy.
Quit masturbating all the time PLEASE. Masturbating to porn was by far not natural or normal, common everyday male behavior up until 20 years ago or less. It still is not natural. Lack of orgasm tells your body it isn't mating, this causes increased testosterone levels to make you more aggressive in finding a mate. An orgasm with a woman on the other hand INCREASES testosterone levels from the excitement.
Masturbating will also negatively impact your level of persistence heavily as a side “bonus”. Of course when you masturbate you are not as horny and don’t want the sex as much. Not really wanting sex, as much, will make you say “ahh hell with it then” and not even try to get a connection at a conversation level.
If you do the things above, exercise; eat well, abstain from masturbation and do things that are challenging to you what good does it do? You are forming your “sun” by doing these things. More on this “sun” talk later.
Forming your sun isn’t enough to make you hyper attractive to women of course; you will also need your “body”. Not your physical body, far from it really. In this metaphor your body is what you think, what your core beliefs are. We wiped clean all those bull**** ways of thinking as a foundation; lets replace them with some powerful ones now to get you on your way to an advanced level of attraction with women.
The way you think is of major impact on what you are able to project ******ds in a congruent manner.
Here are some examples of the way a guy can think that make him more masculine, hence more attractive to women. Becoming “natural male” or “natural man” is the next step to being more attractive to women after becoming “neutral man” that followed “ conditioned male”
1: Natural mans picture of himself is not as a boy: Soft living and pampering, from womb to coffin we are given. We are saved when we need saving and listened to when we cry. Natural man doesn't have this perception. When he thinks "me" he doesn't think he is young or a child or a boy. He sees himself as a man. You are an adult a grown up.
Act accordingly. Don't be crying about ****, if somebody didn't ****ing drop dead don't be crying. Don't be hanging on women like they are your mothers. There are 500 of these children like behaviors, to many to list. Being aware of it in the first place is all it takes. Its called not being a ***** ass little boy. You get your "sun" these things don't happen as much anyways. Still be aware of thinking like a MAN and an adult, not something weak or helpless.
2: Other men are not superior to you. Natural man would have none of this. Get your sun in place and it'll come. To offend another man is to possibly have to fight. All it means to offend another man. SO WHAT. You don't giggle or even crack a smile when someone makes a joke at your expense, they don’t like that? TOO bad, you are MALE; you can and will compete for respect.
People used to like it when you made jokes about yourself? TOO bad, they'll get focused eye contact from you now, not jokes and you giggling at the floor. You aren't looking for trouble, but you aren't going to avoid it either less its REAL dangerous.
Even then, that gangbanger with the gun in his waistband who's house you ended up at for some reason might just shoot you for being a “little wimpy punk ass” in his eyes when you talk about "I'm such a tight ass square white boy".
You MUST KNOW that you wont giggle or be passive enough to get out of some biker bar where they have decided to strip you naked and drag you around the parking lot behind their motorcycles. Extreme sounding I know, but some guys are WAY too passive when they shouldn’t even be considering if someone would take kindness for weakness or not.
So be a MAN and don't “look for trouble” but also don’t try so damn hard to avoid it, when you do it makes you come off like an insignificant ant, especially while it’s happening. Natural man is no victim.
Thought 3: You don't take any **** from anyone with a smile. Usually you wont take any **** at all, but if you are backed in to a corner hands tied and your balls in a vice, you don't grin and bear it, you just bear it.
You do this because you have an imaginary audience. This life you are living is the movie, you are the main character. This life is no comedy; you take life seriously when serious situations arise. You are the leading man in every story. You only take the scripts that suit you. You MUST live up to this audience, your entire self is watching! Yeah the situation may pass with you no worse for it in body or health, you know this at an intellectual level.
YOU however are watching though, and every time you swallow the “**** you’s” life hands you without some amount of dignity and masculinity it takes a toll in how you see yourself and project yourself to others. Living in a passive or comedic or “I’m just the loser of the piece way”? Pffffffft. That's when you aren't so serious and are just making a cameo appearance as a big time leading man in some stupid comedy. Passing through.
4. Willpower is what natural man uses for almost every aspect of his life. Ask any woman this. Of any character trait what would be THE one that is most desirable? If it isn’t recommended they won’t say it, but they feel it at a very core level, the ability to manifest ones willpower when its needed is a very attractive thing. Women give up, women submit, women cry and beg when they are scared, women stop trying. Not ALL women ALWAYS in EVERYTHING, I’m not politically correct or feminist friendly but I know women do sometimes muster SOME willpower. In general though, meeting feminine women with strong willpower? Nope, doesn’t go hand in hand.
The naturally attractive male has this, and if mentioned any woman would put it first as what she “needs to complete” or “what’s attractive”.
Natural man can bust his ****ing ass and really bring the willpower to provide for his family in hard times.
Natural man doesn’t let his woman get felt up, maybe carried away and raped by a bigger stronger man, he gets the willpower up that says “I’ll TAKE IT instead cause I can hack it” and comes to her defense.
Natural man can wrestle that dog attacking his kids, HER kids, overcoming his fears by sheer willpower, and not roll up in a ball and go “ouch” while it bites off the kid’s testicles and his woman’s throat out.
Bit grim I know heh, but though something like this doesn’t happen often in reality at a psychological level it does when you get punked around.
Demonstrations of weakness affect the women you are involved with at a primal level. When you say “I quit that job cause it made my feet sore” she doesn’t think “me and my young starving to death”, but a certain something is lost in the way she thinks of you.
When she hears you say “job sucked but I did what I had to do until I could get in to something better” she doesn’t hear “good provider” but a certain level of “damn I wouldn’t have done that, this guys got something I don’t to bring to our “male-female table”” is felt.
5. Natural man is dominant. Maybe second only to willpower. Natural man just doesn’t look down first. Like when 2 sets of eyes meet, especially yours and hers.
Getting her in bed isn’t as simple as a trick like that, though the eye contact and who breaks it first is something to be mindful of.
Natural man isn’t afraid to fight, isn’t afraid to compete, isn’t afraid to tell someone else to shut the **** up, or quiet down in a movie theatre who wont quit talking.
There’s a reason “bad boy” or yard bird types are attractive to women, they have a strong dominance, combined with stupidity of course that says “I don’t care if I’ll go to prison I’m going to run this ****er off the road for flipping me the bird”. You only need the dominance part. Women don’t pay attention to the stupidity element in a positive way anyhow, unless it’s some roadpig biker skag or someone who goes for that sort of idiocy.
Most veteran police officers possess this dominance, some, though fewer and fewer these “Pussified” days, military men have it. Most any boxer you meet will have this. A HUGE recommendation I can make is get in boxing classes.
Dominance is what women lack most of ANY one trait aside from a penis. Again this course isn’t catering to feminist brain washings. Go research for a month and name 10 great female leaders of rebellions through dominance of troops and other powers, or hell even 10 female civil rights leaders. I will name 5 to 1 with NO research males who did the same thing or more.
None of the 50 I named would have been lacking in sex life, even FAR before they did their deeds.
Women have many many fine virtues. Ability to relate to others, reverse engineered thinking capacity, compassion, empathy. Roles have gotten reversed and tweaked out of balance though. No fate in my opinion, but genetically we are built for different tasks in this life.
Not knowing the roles has not only hurt men, but also women in that men aren’t men for them anymore. The most dominant and usually lesbian feminists didn’t just empower women to higher purposes than “cook and clean and make babies”, they also slipped in the agenda of taking all the men away at a mental level.
Natural man dominates with no concern of being seen as “a brute from the wrong time period”. Natural mans only concern when it comes to domination of others is his freedom (is it legal) and the greater good of all involved (if he is of ethics). Natural mans concern is not if “will the brain washed by feminists people think I’m trying to be a macho manly man”.
A macho manly man is something to aspire to be. Not something to fear being looked at as socially in a negative light. So natural man doesn’t cry for the children of poverty stricken Ethiopia, so natural man doesn’t read poetry or listen to folk music? He doesn’t give a ****, and knows because so many women want to **** him, those women only SAY they give a **** about such things in a man.
Women can find a sensitive new age sweater wearing candy and flowers hugs and kisses for babies guy in every suburban apartment and office building.
The natural man however, with a brain (not in a penitentiary), who can still be lighthearted in a normal conversation without being a tight ass or getting fiery or intense? Rare animal. THAT’S how you want to be unique for women, and in no other way.
From this "state", I "" state as it is more a personaltiy trait and lifestyle than a "state", is where you project sexual state as in my methods and get her to match you, hence become turned on, attraction achieved!
as seen on So Suave
14 Oktober 2005
Dimitri: The Key to Loyalty - Distractions and Solutions
If there's one thing I'm able to do well, it's get loyalty in my relationships. It was a hard-won battle, though... if any of y'all know my story, I got into the game when my girlfriend whom I loved dearly slept with one of my friends.
It put me into a slump for a while, but eventually I crawled out and started working on my social skills. And the ride's been amazing... one of the best things to ever happen to me.
But even months, maybe years into my development, I was sleeping with girls but not able to convert them to girlfriends. I was doing something 'wrong'.
As it turns out, it's one of the reasons I reached the level I'm at. Of the first half-dozen, dozen women I slept with after getting into the community, there's a few I'd have settled with if they'd have settled with me.
But they didn't. That nagging problem. Sex but no conversion. No girlfriend. No loyalty.
Over time, I developed the skills to hold down relationships through trial and error, and actually came to excel in them. When you start off below average in something and work hard, you've got a lot of potential to get very good if you're driven.
Now, the exciting part.
Recently, I've been codifying what I do to convert my girls so well. To get such loyalty. I want something done? I snap my fingers, it's done.
Open loyal relationships, where I sleep with other women, she knows it, and most of them don't sleep with over men. Not to the mention that the girls cook for me, come over to my place and clean it when I tell them to, take me to dinners and buy me gifts.
And of course, sex when, how, and how much I want, whenever I want, however want. That's just a given.
My paradigm:
Everyone has problems in their life. All people are unhappy about some stuff, some of the time. Even the most together people around, when you get to know them well, have plenty of problems.
There's only two ways to deal with these problems we have. You distract yourself from them, or you find a solution to them. Either you're doing nothing, or doing something.
And everyone likes both distractions and solutions.
The key is, you must work in a general positive direction on your problems. Control your distractions, or even make them positive ones like exercising or a creative project on the side.
This isn't difficult.
But the key to loyalty in relationships is that you must be a solution for the girl, not a distraction. Or at least perceived as such.
Men try to fix problems in a logical way. You might too.
But often this isn't the best way to fix a woman's problems. I'll refer you to the readings of Franco Zarathustra on this one, his writings on here are very comprehensive on how to deal with women and be a positive force on their life without falling into traditional "guy problems".
So if you want real loyalty, you must be seen as a solution for the woman. You don't have to be actively fixing her problems.
You just need to be a solid bastion in her life, or seen as a potential solution down the road. If you can make her feel safe or protected, you're acting as a solution. If she sees you as a potential marriage partner, she sees you as a solution. If she is a better person around you, who can express her hopes and dreams, you're a solution.
So what was I doing wrong before?
I was acting purely as a distraction. My old style of socializing with women was all about entertainment in the early stages, and hedonism if it got any further than that.
I made her forget her problems for a bit.
But I never acknowledged that she had any problems in her life. Or that I did.
It was just a fantasy. If you're just a distraction to her, she can toss you for any other distraction. Liquor, entertainment, other men, drugs, whatever.
If you're a solution, she'll become extremely loyal. To the point where she'd give her life to save yours.
Now allow me to give some credit to my good friend Woodhaven. When I was breaking down my this conception to him a bit back, he and I started talking, and we flushed out another element of the solution/distraction idea.
Everyone needs distractions in their life to some extent. And the more reliant on distractions someone is, the more they need to function.
Strong people with a good focus can interact positively with each other to the gain of both with minimal distraction. The more reliant someone is on distraction, they made need intoxicants to simply converse with someone on a basic level.
What this means in terms of gaming:
The more a woman's life is filled with distractions, the more of a distraction you'd need to be up front to bed her.
So if you don't want women of lesser mental and emotional caliber, play a game based strongly on mutual value, and make an effort not to be an entertainer. This will automatically screen out most low self-esteem women.
On the other hand, some of the hottest women turn heavily to distraction. Drugs, drinking, partying, men. If you want a woman like this, early game based on distraction/entertainment will be effective.
You need to balance the two. I, myself, do what I call two-tiered screening.
When I approach a woman, I like to keep the options of what I am and could be to her open. I find out if she's a girl that's capable of mutual value escalation (a term for two people benefiting at the same time, and neither losing) and if she's a quality girl.
If she is, I won't entertain. I'll relax, talk with her, and keep it light and fun. When the moment is right, I'll bed her, then I'll hold her close and tell me everything she holds close to her.
I'll rock her back and forth and let her cry in my arms. Even if I don't do anything specifically to fix her problems, she will feel my strength and feel safe and grounded.
That's best-case for me.
On the other hand, if she fails the first round of screening, but I'd still like to bed her for some reason I'll go to playing a game based on distraction and entertainment. I'll focus on having a high impact, charged encounter, with lots of outrageous stuff.
This approach is about being the best distraction available to a woman. Being more fun than drinking and drugs, and more of a good time than any of the other guys around.
If your goal is to sleep with as many women as possible, becoming the best distraction from their lives will help in your promiscuity.
If your goal is to cultivate loyalty and solid relationships, then becoming a solution by self-improvement and game based on being a leader and mutual value is the answer.
If your goal is to sleep with any particular woman, or have a very high conversion rate, then you need to become good at assessing the balance of distraction and solution the specific woman in front of you has.
There are masters of all three of these arts. And they are all useful, wonderful things to learn.
If you want to the learn the game that'll help you attract beautiful women, especially those in high-distraction areas like nightclubs, I recommend the writings of Mystery and Tyler. They have some powerful things to this end, especially to help stand out against your environment and competition.
If you want loyalty in the end, you'll need to be able to transition your role in her life from distraction to solution. To that end, I suggest reading Player Supreme. He has some excellent writings on this, and blends spirituality and practicality well.
If you want the highest of conversion rates, read about men who subtly demonstrate that they can be a solution through light, subtle and playful distractions. Men like Razorjack, Woodhaven, and Zan excel at this - It's a style where your distractions themselves communicate that you could be a solution, and while difficult to grasp at first, is very rewarding.
These styles aren't mutually exclusive: They simply take a while to learn, but the effort is well-worth it. If you can master all three, you can get literally anything you want from women anywhere in the world by snapping your fingers.
Grandmaster Dimitri, Swashbuckling Pick-Up Artist
as seen on Fast Seduction
It put me into a slump for a while, but eventually I crawled out and started working on my social skills. And the ride's been amazing... one of the best things to ever happen to me.
But even months, maybe years into my development, I was sleeping with girls but not able to convert them to girlfriends. I was doing something 'wrong'.
As it turns out, it's one of the reasons I reached the level I'm at. Of the first half-dozen, dozen women I slept with after getting into the community, there's a few I'd have settled with if they'd have settled with me.
But they didn't. That nagging problem. Sex but no conversion. No girlfriend. No loyalty.
Over time, I developed the skills to hold down relationships through trial and error, and actually came to excel in them. When you start off below average in something and work hard, you've got a lot of potential to get very good if you're driven.
Now, the exciting part.
Recently, I've been codifying what I do to convert my girls so well. To get such loyalty. I want something done? I snap my fingers, it's done.
Open loyal relationships, where I sleep with other women, she knows it, and most of them don't sleep with over men. Not to the mention that the girls cook for me, come over to my place and clean it when I tell them to, take me to dinners and buy me gifts.
And of course, sex when, how, and how much I want, whenever I want, however want. That's just a given.
My paradigm:
Everyone has problems in their life. All people are unhappy about some stuff, some of the time. Even the most together people around, when you get to know them well, have plenty of problems.
There's only two ways to deal with these problems we have. You distract yourself from them, or you find a solution to them. Either you're doing nothing, or doing something.
And everyone likes both distractions and solutions.
The key is, you must work in a general positive direction on your problems. Control your distractions, or even make them positive ones like exercising or a creative project on the side.
This isn't difficult.
But the key to loyalty in relationships is that you must be a solution for the girl, not a distraction. Or at least perceived as such.
Men try to fix problems in a logical way. You might too.
But often this isn't the best way to fix a woman's problems. I'll refer you to the readings of Franco Zarathustra on this one, his writings on here are very comprehensive on how to deal with women and be a positive force on their life without falling into traditional "guy problems".
So if you want real loyalty, you must be seen as a solution for the woman. You don't have to be actively fixing her problems.
You just need to be a solid bastion in her life, or seen as a potential solution down the road. If you can make her feel safe or protected, you're acting as a solution. If she sees you as a potential marriage partner, she sees you as a solution. If she is a better person around you, who can express her hopes and dreams, you're a solution.
So what was I doing wrong before?
I was acting purely as a distraction. My old style of socializing with women was all about entertainment in the early stages, and hedonism if it got any further than that.
I made her forget her problems for a bit.
But I never acknowledged that she had any problems in her life. Or that I did.
It was just a fantasy. If you're just a distraction to her, she can toss you for any other distraction. Liquor, entertainment, other men, drugs, whatever.
If you're a solution, she'll become extremely loyal. To the point where she'd give her life to save yours.
Now allow me to give some credit to my good friend Woodhaven. When I was breaking down my this conception to him a bit back, he and I started talking, and we flushed out another element of the solution/distraction idea.
Everyone needs distractions in their life to some extent. And the more reliant on distractions someone is, the more they need to function.
Strong people with a good focus can interact positively with each other to the gain of both with minimal distraction. The more reliant someone is on distraction, they made need intoxicants to simply converse with someone on a basic level.
What this means in terms of gaming:
The more a woman's life is filled with distractions, the more of a distraction you'd need to be up front to bed her.
So if you don't want women of lesser mental and emotional caliber, play a game based strongly on mutual value, and make an effort not to be an entertainer. This will automatically screen out most low self-esteem women.
On the other hand, some of the hottest women turn heavily to distraction. Drugs, drinking, partying, men. If you want a woman like this, early game based on distraction/entertainment will be effective.
You need to balance the two. I, myself, do what I call two-tiered screening.
When I approach a woman, I like to keep the options of what I am and could be to her open. I find out if she's a girl that's capable of mutual value escalation (a term for two people benefiting at the same time, and neither losing) and if she's a quality girl.
If she is, I won't entertain. I'll relax, talk with her, and keep it light and fun. When the moment is right, I'll bed her, then I'll hold her close and tell me everything she holds close to her.
I'll rock her back and forth and let her cry in my arms. Even if I don't do anything specifically to fix her problems, she will feel my strength and feel safe and grounded.
That's best-case for me.
On the other hand, if she fails the first round of screening, but I'd still like to bed her for some reason I'll go to playing a game based on distraction and entertainment. I'll focus on having a high impact, charged encounter, with lots of outrageous stuff.
This approach is about being the best distraction available to a woman. Being more fun than drinking and drugs, and more of a good time than any of the other guys around.
If your goal is to sleep with as many women as possible, becoming the best distraction from their lives will help in your promiscuity.
If your goal is to cultivate loyalty and solid relationships, then becoming a solution by self-improvement and game based on being a leader and mutual value is the answer.
If your goal is to sleep with any particular woman, or have a very high conversion rate, then you need to become good at assessing the balance of distraction and solution the specific woman in front of you has.
There are masters of all three of these arts. And they are all useful, wonderful things to learn.
If you want to the learn the game that'll help you attract beautiful women, especially those in high-distraction areas like nightclubs, I recommend the writings of Mystery and Tyler. They have some powerful things to this end, especially to help stand out against your environment and competition.
If you want loyalty in the end, you'll need to be able to transition your role in her life from distraction to solution. To that end, I suggest reading Player Supreme. He has some excellent writings on this, and blends spirituality and practicality well.
If you want the highest of conversion rates, read about men who subtly demonstrate that they can be a solution through light, subtle and playful distractions. Men like Razorjack, Woodhaven, and Zan excel at this - It's a style where your distractions themselves communicate that you could be a solution, and while difficult to grasp at first, is very rewarding.
These styles aren't mutually exclusive: They simply take a while to learn, but the effort is well-worth it. If you can master all three, you can get literally anything you want from women anywhere in the world by snapping your fingers.
Grandmaster Dimitri, Swashbuckling Pick-Up Artist
as seen on Fast Seduction
27 September 2005
Badboy on relationships
As soon as you have made love with the girl, you can consider that as the moment any relationship starts. It's as big a shift as when you originally went from not knowing her to opening her and getting into conversation.
If you decide that you want to keep her for a longer period of time after you've slept with her – say weeks or months -- then the first month is critical. The foundations of the relationship, the image of the entire relationship is going to be created within the very first month. So be very careful about what you do, and how you behave towards her in that time.
You see, women are programmed by default to have monogomaous relationships. You can do two things about this: accept it and go along with it, or create new rules and reprogram the girl to follow them. Now if you really like her, and want to stay in a monogamous relationship with her, it’s basically very easy. Just see her a few times a week, and have sex with her regularly. If you want to keep her, you will need to give her sex regularly. That means, at least 2-3 times per week. If you are new to the game, or really young. I suggest, you experience a few monogamous long term relationships like this, perhaps for 3-5 months. You will learn a lot about them. [Dumas insertion: but be careful if they start to go beyond 5 months. We are programmed by nature to fall in love for a reason, so that we stay with a girl long enough that children can be raised. But that’s not a good thing if you want to be a really good seducer. You have to be careful, when your relationship starts going beyond 5 months, that you aren’t becoming emotionally enslaved by the girl. Just pay attention, to who sets the rules in the relationship.]
If you want to establish a relationship with two or more girls, the first consideration is your time. Trust me, it’s time-consuming. Seeing every girl twice a week, and giving her 5-6 hours per meeting, your free time is going to entirely disappear!! Anyway, if you decide you want this, begin your relationship with the first girl so that you prepare the territory for the other girls that you will add into your life. That means establishing rules and boundaries in the relationship. For example; how much you are going to see each other. If you see her every day, when will you have time for the others? Now it’s important that you don’t discuss your rules verbally, because then she will argue. Let her realise the rules by your behavior.
After you’ve slept together, don’t see her too often. Every day is way too often, because once she gets used to seeing you everyday, you will have problems cutting it back to a few times per week. NO matter how much you like her, or love her, don’t do it if you plan to have other girls in your life or you want to live a normal life with time for yourself. Set up your life, so that you see her 2 or 3 times a week. That way you can have time for other girls. You can do this just by being busy. You don’t need to explain them why you cannot see them, just be busy. For example, the girl asks ‘when will we see each other?’, then just say…Saturday afternoon, or Sunday, whenever you wish. Of course you must give her some time in the week, because if you don’t give her sex, somebody else will. But don’t think she is going to figure out by herself how much you want to see her per week.
If you don’t take control of the relationship, she is going to do it, because somebody must. If you don’t want to take the ball and serve, somebody else will. And if you allow the woman to control your relationship, then she will do it the way she has been programmed by society, and nature. And this programming is powerful! So for example, she is going to control you by giving or withholding sex; she is going to forbid you from seeing other girls, she is going to give you powerful emotional outbursts like jealousy, to rob you of energy for doing anything outside the relationship, and other smart ideas they usually use to control guys. Once you establish a relationship with one woman and have some time to add a few more, you just need to find a girl you like, and invite her into your life by giving her sex regularly.
Once she suspects that you maybe do have other girls in your life besides her, you have a choice; to be honest about your lifestyle, or to hide it, and play it like there is no other woman in your life besides her. These are two completely different styles. I prefer being honest, but I’ve also experimented with being dishonest, and I suggest you try both ways, and for sure, you will lose some girls, until you learn how to play it right. It takes some time. Don’t let it make you frustrated, because time is necessary to learn how to control a harem. If you choose to hide it, then that game is really easy; deny everything and keep your place clean. They have the instinct of marking their territory, by leaving their hair, panties, earrings, and other things, to signify that you are taken. Again, they act according to animal instincts. So always try to keep your place clean, otherwise you are in deep problems when one of them finds earrings or other things in your bed that don’t belong to her. It’s hard, but try it.
If you choose the other path, and admit openly that you have been sleeping with other girls, then you must be aware that lot of girls will not accept it. But at least you won’t have to keep cleaning your place all the time! They will not accept it, if they think you are not worth it. But if you give them the best sex on the planet, and they are sure they cannot find better, and they love you, of course they will choose to stay with you no matter what. If you go for it, you must be really strong, and your attitude must be like, it’s my way or the highway.
If you do it strongly, they will accept it, because they know that’s the way you are, and they cannot change you. So they are forced to accept it. If you hesitate, or you are insecure, no way will it work.
This way is really good if you have a good lifestyle. A lifestyle that they want to be part of. An excellent lifestyle is the foundation for long-term, crazy success in this game.
I found for myself that being honest, bold about my life and my decisions work the best. Of course every person on this planet is different. So its up to you what you choose, and you must decide based on how strong and secure you feel.
Now I want to tell you some very good news: all girls on this planet are bisexual! Some of them confess it openly, while the more brainwashed deny it. With some work, you can get any girl open to 3somes, and other cool things. I always tell my girls, so they are aware of who am I, and so they know what they can expect from me. Actually, I don’t need to tell them, they can detect it. It’s so obvious.
No matter how many of them you have (even if you only have one), they must always know they are replaceable.
That way they lose all the the power that society normally gives them in relationships.
But then, the attitude alone that they are replaceable is not enough, because if they figure out you are using them just for sex, they will disappear from your life.
So I make sure they know they are SPECIAL; special but replaceable. Every girl, no matter how many you have, should know that she is special. That will make her stick around you; but still, if she knows you have the skills to replace her, she will do everything to stay in your life.
When they do something I don’t like, something that I don’t appreciate, I will state the rules, so I am assured they will never do it again. I tell them:
You did this thing 3 times in your life!
First time
Last time
And never AGAIN!
Let me repeat you one more time:
First time
Last time
And never AGAIN!
A relationship is based on two things. Attraction and Rapport. After some time, the attraction disappears, and rapport is the only thing that keeps the relationship going. When I say rapport, I am referring to the three things that build rapport, and those are: Trust, Comfort and connection.
For some girls, a longer relationship based solely on rapport, is enough, but for other girls it’s not enough, and they will keep searching for attraction. And if they can’t find it in a relationship, they will search for it outside. Because a relationship based solely on trust, comfort, and connection becomes boring after a while. So they will find somebody outside the relationship who is going to give them adventure, wild sex, and dominance, but she will stay with the first guy in the relationship, because he provides comfort, and she can rely on him. Think about rich old guys that get married with young girls...but this is not a good situation for you to be in. On the other hand if you only give her attraction, like wild sex and adventures, and no rapport, she will find somebody who is going to give her those cute romantic feelings.
The key is to provide both attraction and rapport, over a longer period of time.
Then any girl will love you, and stay with you. Because you have everything that they need. If you achieve that, the girl will never cheat on you with anybody else, and she will never search for other things outside the relationship, because your relationship gives her everything she needs.
Giving her wild sex, being unpredictable, and doing adventurous things will give her the attraction she needs. Also, to cuddle, and sweet talk her after sex, and to give her some romantic experiences, like a dinner with candles and wine, will turn on the sweet side of the relationship with you. It’s like Ying-Yang. You must have both things.
This will help you to understand the most common situation that happens. A girl is with a nice guy in a relationship, and he provides her with anything, but she cheats on him anyway with some jerk. I heard this kind of story, millions of times in my life. It’s very easy to see why this happens.
Buying gifts just for her presence in your life is stupidity. Flowers, perfumes, and other things, she must receive only as a reward for her good behavior. So don’t buy those things, just for fun, so that she stays with you. She is going to stay with you because you are such an excellent guy, and she will get gifts only when she does something good. Like she invites other girls into your bed. Then certainly, she deserves a gift.
So fight the urge to buy her something, just because she gives you sex. Sex is normal. That’s how men and women communicate if they like each other. It’s not some kind of bonus, and only society bullshit makes us think that way.
Punish bad behavior that you don’t like by taking away sex, and not seeing her.
No matter how many girls you have, or how satisfied you are with your love life, you should from time to time go out and pickup other girls. Just for pure fun, and to keep you in the right mindset. When a girl knows you can go out and get another girl in 45 minutes, then she will do the best she can to stay in your life. She will buy you things, keep you oversexed. Just to stop you searching around for more.
A big problem happens when a guy that is so needy to get a girl in his life, thinks she will solve all his problems, so he’s searching, and searching, and every girl runs away when she smells how unhappy he is. Because she is also searching for somebody who is going to make her happy, so when she smells an unhappy guy, of course she is going to run away because he’s not somebody who is going to make her happy. If he cannot make himself happy, how he is going to make somebody else happy? So the key is first to fix your life, and prepare a kingdom where you are the ruler and can receive girls into the kingdom. A fucked-up, boring life, or a life full of anxieties and troubles which you haven’t dealt with, is not attractive for anybody, especially not for girls.
One thing that I see a lot is when a guy makes his girlfriend the centre of his life. Like, she is part of everything he does. This happens when the girl is your entire happiness, and when you get her, you build the whole of your life around her. This means that she is controlling your whole life, because she is aware of the power she wields, basically of the power you surrendered to her.
Sooner or later, she will become unhappy, because of the feeling that she is controlling you, and she is the source of your happiness, which is the opposite of what she wants.
She wants a guy that is controlling her, and that the guy and his life are the source of happiness.
If you place them at the centre of your life, you are giving them unbelievable power, and control. If the whole of your life is built around the girl, then if she leaves, (as usually happens) the whole of your life disappears. Because your happiness left you.
A far better way is this: build your life, so that the lifestyle you live makes you happy, and girls are orbiting around you, like planets orbiting around sun. Where you are the sun, and girls and hobbies are planets revolving around your day, and girls are just one of many cool things you do in your day, cool things that make you happy.
as seen on Badboy Lifestyle
If you decide that you want to keep her for a longer period of time after you've slept with her – say weeks or months -- then the first month is critical. The foundations of the relationship, the image of the entire relationship is going to be created within the very first month. So be very careful about what you do, and how you behave towards her in that time.
You see, women are programmed by default to have monogomaous relationships. You can do two things about this: accept it and go along with it, or create new rules and reprogram the girl to follow them. Now if you really like her, and want to stay in a monogamous relationship with her, it’s basically very easy. Just see her a few times a week, and have sex with her regularly. If you want to keep her, you will need to give her sex regularly. That means, at least 2-3 times per week. If you are new to the game, or really young. I suggest, you experience a few monogamous long term relationships like this, perhaps for 3-5 months. You will learn a lot about them. [Dumas insertion: but be careful if they start to go beyond 5 months. We are programmed by nature to fall in love for a reason, so that we stay with a girl long enough that children can be raised. But that’s not a good thing if you want to be a really good seducer. You have to be careful, when your relationship starts going beyond 5 months, that you aren’t becoming emotionally enslaved by the girl. Just pay attention, to who sets the rules in the relationship.]
If you want to establish a relationship with two or more girls, the first consideration is your time. Trust me, it’s time-consuming. Seeing every girl twice a week, and giving her 5-6 hours per meeting, your free time is going to entirely disappear!! Anyway, if you decide you want this, begin your relationship with the first girl so that you prepare the territory for the other girls that you will add into your life. That means establishing rules and boundaries in the relationship. For example; how much you are going to see each other. If you see her every day, when will you have time for the others? Now it’s important that you don’t discuss your rules verbally, because then she will argue. Let her realise the rules by your behavior.
After you’ve slept together, don’t see her too often. Every day is way too often, because once she gets used to seeing you everyday, you will have problems cutting it back to a few times per week. NO matter how much you like her, or love her, don’t do it if you plan to have other girls in your life or you want to live a normal life with time for yourself. Set up your life, so that you see her 2 or 3 times a week. That way you can have time for other girls. You can do this just by being busy. You don’t need to explain them why you cannot see them, just be busy. For example, the girl asks ‘when will we see each other?’, then just say…Saturday afternoon, or Sunday, whenever you wish. Of course you must give her some time in the week, because if you don’t give her sex, somebody else will. But don’t think she is going to figure out by herself how much you want to see her per week.
If you don’t take control of the relationship, she is going to do it, because somebody must. If you don’t want to take the ball and serve, somebody else will. And if you allow the woman to control your relationship, then she will do it the way she has been programmed by society, and nature. And this programming is powerful! So for example, she is going to control you by giving or withholding sex; she is going to forbid you from seeing other girls, she is going to give you powerful emotional outbursts like jealousy, to rob you of energy for doing anything outside the relationship, and other smart ideas they usually use to control guys. Once you establish a relationship with one woman and have some time to add a few more, you just need to find a girl you like, and invite her into your life by giving her sex regularly.
Once she suspects that you maybe do have other girls in your life besides her, you have a choice; to be honest about your lifestyle, or to hide it, and play it like there is no other woman in your life besides her. These are two completely different styles. I prefer being honest, but I’ve also experimented with being dishonest, and I suggest you try both ways, and for sure, you will lose some girls, until you learn how to play it right. It takes some time. Don’t let it make you frustrated, because time is necessary to learn how to control a harem. If you choose to hide it, then that game is really easy; deny everything and keep your place clean. They have the instinct of marking their territory, by leaving their hair, panties, earrings, and other things, to signify that you are taken. Again, they act according to animal instincts. So always try to keep your place clean, otherwise you are in deep problems when one of them finds earrings or other things in your bed that don’t belong to her. It’s hard, but try it.
If you choose the other path, and admit openly that you have been sleeping with other girls, then you must be aware that lot of girls will not accept it. But at least you won’t have to keep cleaning your place all the time! They will not accept it, if they think you are not worth it. But if you give them the best sex on the planet, and they are sure they cannot find better, and they love you, of course they will choose to stay with you no matter what. If you go for it, you must be really strong, and your attitude must be like, it’s my way or the highway.
If you do it strongly, they will accept it, because they know that’s the way you are, and they cannot change you. So they are forced to accept it. If you hesitate, or you are insecure, no way will it work.
This way is really good if you have a good lifestyle. A lifestyle that they want to be part of. An excellent lifestyle is the foundation for long-term, crazy success in this game.
I found for myself that being honest, bold about my life and my decisions work the best. Of course every person on this planet is different. So its up to you what you choose, and you must decide based on how strong and secure you feel.
Now I want to tell you some very good news: all girls on this planet are bisexual! Some of them confess it openly, while the more brainwashed deny it. With some work, you can get any girl open to 3somes, and other cool things. I always tell my girls, so they are aware of who am I, and so they know what they can expect from me. Actually, I don’t need to tell them, they can detect it. It’s so obvious.
No matter how many of them you have (even if you only have one), they must always know they are replaceable.
That way they lose all the the power that society normally gives them in relationships.
But then, the attitude alone that they are replaceable is not enough, because if they figure out you are using them just for sex, they will disappear from your life.
So I make sure they know they are SPECIAL; special but replaceable. Every girl, no matter how many you have, should know that she is special. That will make her stick around you; but still, if she knows you have the skills to replace her, she will do everything to stay in your life.
When they do something I don’t like, something that I don’t appreciate, I will state the rules, so I am assured they will never do it again. I tell them:
You did this thing 3 times in your life!
First time
Last time
And never AGAIN!
Let me repeat you one more time:
First time
Last time
And never AGAIN!
A relationship is based on two things. Attraction and Rapport. After some time, the attraction disappears, and rapport is the only thing that keeps the relationship going. When I say rapport, I am referring to the three things that build rapport, and those are: Trust, Comfort and connection.
For some girls, a longer relationship based solely on rapport, is enough, but for other girls it’s not enough, and they will keep searching for attraction. And if they can’t find it in a relationship, they will search for it outside. Because a relationship based solely on trust, comfort, and connection becomes boring after a while. So they will find somebody outside the relationship who is going to give them adventure, wild sex, and dominance, but she will stay with the first guy in the relationship, because he provides comfort, and she can rely on him. Think about rich old guys that get married with young girls...but this is not a good situation for you to be in. On the other hand if you only give her attraction, like wild sex and adventures, and no rapport, she will find somebody who is going to give her those cute romantic feelings.
The key is to provide both attraction and rapport, over a longer period of time.
Then any girl will love you, and stay with you. Because you have everything that they need. If you achieve that, the girl will never cheat on you with anybody else, and she will never search for other things outside the relationship, because your relationship gives her everything she needs.
Giving her wild sex, being unpredictable, and doing adventurous things will give her the attraction she needs. Also, to cuddle, and sweet talk her after sex, and to give her some romantic experiences, like a dinner with candles and wine, will turn on the sweet side of the relationship with you. It’s like Ying-Yang. You must have both things.
This will help you to understand the most common situation that happens. A girl is with a nice guy in a relationship, and he provides her with anything, but she cheats on him anyway with some jerk. I heard this kind of story, millions of times in my life. It’s very easy to see why this happens.
Buying gifts just for her presence in your life is stupidity. Flowers, perfumes, and other things, she must receive only as a reward for her good behavior. So don’t buy those things, just for fun, so that she stays with you. She is going to stay with you because you are such an excellent guy, and she will get gifts only when she does something good. Like she invites other girls into your bed. Then certainly, she deserves a gift.
So fight the urge to buy her something, just because she gives you sex. Sex is normal. That’s how men and women communicate if they like each other. It’s not some kind of bonus, and only society bullshit makes us think that way.
Punish bad behavior that you don’t like by taking away sex, and not seeing her.
No matter how many girls you have, or how satisfied you are with your love life, you should from time to time go out and pickup other girls. Just for pure fun, and to keep you in the right mindset. When a girl knows you can go out and get another girl in 45 minutes, then she will do the best she can to stay in your life. She will buy you things, keep you oversexed. Just to stop you searching around for more.
A big problem happens when a guy that is so needy to get a girl in his life, thinks she will solve all his problems, so he’s searching, and searching, and every girl runs away when she smells how unhappy he is. Because she is also searching for somebody who is going to make her happy, so when she smells an unhappy guy, of course she is going to run away because he’s not somebody who is going to make her happy. If he cannot make himself happy, how he is going to make somebody else happy? So the key is first to fix your life, and prepare a kingdom where you are the ruler and can receive girls into the kingdom. A fucked-up, boring life, or a life full of anxieties and troubles which you haven’t dealt with, is not attractive for anybody, especially not for girls.
One thing that I see a lot is when a guy makes his girlfriend the centre of his life. Like, she is part of everything he does. This happens when the girl is your entire happiness, and when you get her, you build the whole of your life around her. This means that she is controlling your whole life, because she is aware of the power she wields, basically of the power you surrendered to her.
Sooner or later, she will become unhappy, because of the feeling that she is controlling you, and she is the source of your happiness, which is the opposite of what she wants.
She wants a guy that is controlling her, and that the guy and his life are the source of happiness.
If you place them at the centre of your life, you are giving them unbelievable power, and control. If the whole of your life is built around the girl, then if she leaves, (as usually happens) the whole of your life disappears. Because your happiness left you.
A far better way is this: build your life, so that the lifestyle you live makes you happy, and girls are orbiting around you, like planets orbiting around sun. Where you are the sun, and girls and hobbies are planets revolving around your day, and girls are just one of many cool things you do in your day, cool things that make you happy.
as seen on Badboy Lifestyle
24 August 2005
Hitori: Social Status / Women Explained
A WORD OF WARNING: I'm a chick, so this is posted in Playettes. If I were a
guy, I would post it in Advanced, because if you're not getting laid already
this WILL NOT HELP YOU. Knowing how an airplane works doesn't mean you can fly
it.
With that said:
Chick logic makes sense.
THE BASIC PRINCIPLE
Chicks act at all times to _gain_ and _maintain_ social status. This is more
important to them than getting laid.
QUALITIES OF HIGH STATUS PEOPLE
-They are admired and desirable.
All manner of people fit into this category, and _to a certain extent_ it's
cyclical; if you have high social value you're admired, and if you're admired
you have high social value. On the other hand, there are all kinds of ways to
be desirable and admired; hot chicks fit into this category, but so do
politicians, rocket scientists, rockstars, PUAs, and rich men.
In this category HBs have the upper hand. Evolution has engineered men to pick
partners for health and beauty, so a nice set of tits WILL take you further in
this world than a nice set of pecs. Go figure.
-They are relaxed and confident
Confidence is VITAL to high social status. It doesn't matter whether you're
confident because you graduated from the school of hard knocks or because
you've had everything you ever wanted handed to you on a silver platter; if
you're confident, you are relaxed in the knowledge that you can handle whatever
life throws at you, and succeed at whatever you undertake.
You'll vibe this confidence at the people around you, and it will be a powerful
positive experience for them. HSE people will appreciate you, and LSE people
will desire or envy you.
Relaxation and confidence also means you're NOT NEEDY. This is good because
needy men tend to come across as either pathetic or dangerous.
-They behave naturally
This is what it means to 'be yourself', in the classic dating-advice sense. It
doesn't mean burp and fart and be depressing if you feel like it. It means
DON'T BE TRYHARD. I cannot stress this enough. Fake it till you make it, of
course, by all means, but for God's sake MAKE IT. Socially intelligent people
can -tell- when you are incongruent, and for women it's not just weird; it can
actually be alarming.
It implies that you're hiding something - possibly one of the more dangerous
low-social-status traits like fear, volatility, or disdain for the
unattainable.
-Their time and energy has value
If you have high social value, you recognize that your time and energy ALSO
have value. This means you're willing to cut off boring threads of conversation
- even with desirable people - and that you spend your time doing things that
are ultimately productive, either in fun-value or in other ways.
If some HB wanders off 'to the bathroom' or 'to go dance' on you, you have run
out of fun-value. Sorry, tiger.
-They are socially intelligent
If you are socially intelligent, you know the score. You can tell who is
tryhard and who is not, who gets laid and who doesn't, what it means when two
chicks eyecode each other, etc etc ad infinitum. You understand, intuitively,
who has social status and who doesn't, and what's going on when two people
flirt, and all manner of other things.
THIS MEANS YOU DO NOT HAVE TO VERBALIZE IT. FEELING YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT
AS IT HAPPENS SHOWS YOU ARE *NOT* SOCIALLY INTELLIGENT. FIGHT THE URGE.
This means no "You're flirting with me, aren't you?!"s, no "Your pupils are
dilated... They say that means women are turned on...".
HANDLE THESE PRONOUNCEMENTS WITH THE UTMOST CARE. People who recognize this
shit with regularity _do not need to talk about it_. When you go to a football
game with your buddies, do you all sit around going, "Look at that... He kicked
the ball into the endzone! That means a goal, right? Awesome! He made a goal!"
NO! YOU DO NOT. You know the score.
The bad news about social intelligence is that if you are a guy most chicks, by
and large, will have more of it than you. The good news is that it's an easy
skill to acquire; all it takes is a willingness to observe people interacting
and to TRUST the things you perceive this way. Most guys I know see many of the
same things that women do, but because they don't (at first glance) have a
clear logical framework to put them in, they ignore them as untrustworthy.
QUALITIES OF LOW STATUS PEOPLE
-They seek approval and acceptance
People with low social status suffer from a deficit of validation. Sometimes
they legitimately don't get the recognition they deserve, and suffer from
unwillingness or inability to reframe; other times it's because they're
neurotic and LSE and no amount of validation will ever be enough. Unable to
validate themselves, they seek approval and acceptance from other people.
-They are volatile and anxious
The world is a frightening place when you don't know what's going to happen
next and you don't know if you'll be able to deal with it, whatever it is.
People without confidence react to this great, frightening unknown with a level
of perpetual anxiety that they vibe at others. Driven by their own percieved
helplessness and rage, they will explode with fits of anger, or display
disproportionate fear; of women, of change, etc.
-They try to buy what they can't earn
In terms of social status, this is very important. People who don't understand
how to DHV will try to BUY approval. On ASF, this is known as supplication. It
DOES NOT increase your social status or make you desirable to women. If it's
clear you're trying to buy appproval, you will LOSE VALUE. A chick's reaction
to a man she does not already find desirable supplicating for approval is about
the same as YOUR reaction when you stop at a red light and some hobo goes to
squeejee your windshield for dollars. Maybe you'll give him your spare change,
sure - but what if he was asking for sex? Would you bang him?
I thought not.
-They disdain what they can't have
People with low social status disdain what they can't have. Helpless to attain
what they desire, they reject it pre-emptively instead.
This means men who hate hot women.
This means women who hate hot women.
This means UGs who hate the idea of anyone getting laid.
This means men who hate confident, competent men.
-They are NOT socially intelligent
People with low social status are not socially intelligent. If you misuse or
DON'T use kino, this is you. If you can't recognize an AI when it whacks you
upside the head, this is you. If you don't know when to escalate, this is you.
TRANSFER OF STATUS
These are general principles of things that will increase your social status.
If you don't have any in the first place, these -will not work-, I repeat,
-will not work-. They require a steady foundation of at least moderate
coolness. With that said...
YOU GAIN STATUS WHEN:
-Your worth is recognized and appreciated
The higher the social status of the person appreciating you, the more status
you gain. This is key. KEY KEY KEY KEY. Get out a highlighter, use it on your
computer monitor if you have to. Remember this.
THIS IS WHY SOCIAL PROOF WORKS.
Not only that; if you establish high value, women WILL RISK LOSING VALUE to
gain your approval. They'll gamble. They'll chase you.
This is also why, in those instances when you overqualify and DHV the fuck out
of some poor HB7 until she locks up, you MUST qualify her. If you do not
qualify her, you are obviously not recognizing and appreciating her genuine
merit - there is NO REASON for someone as cool as you to take a legit interest
in her. You are using her as a blow-up doll that moans.
The higher your social value, the more women will want you to recognize and
appreciate them. If you're a sufficiently cool PUA, women will try to snag you
for an LTR _even if they're not looking for an LTR otherwise_, just for the
implicit social proof you provide. This is purely social reflex. More to the
point, of course, they'll hook up with you.
-People seek your approval
When people qualify themselves to you, or visibly try to impress you, they are
being TRYHARD. But what this says to someone who knows the score is that you
have social value. You are worth impressing; more, to LookAtMeLikeMeDude, you
are worth losing status to impress.
-You display competence naturally
When you DHV without being tryhard, you gain cool-points. This isn't rocket
science, and should not require explanation.
-You cement someone's position beneath you
There are, essentially, three ways of cementing someone's position beneath you;
you can give them the carrot, give them the stick, or give them both at once.
For any of these to work, you must have the social status to back them up. This
doesn't create something from nothing; it broadens the divide that already
exists.
It's possible to display higher value than someone by being nice; if they seek
your approval and you grant it, or call them 'cute' or other
nice-but-diminutive-nicknames, or act - more generally - in a parental sort of
way. Also included here is genuinely helpful advice, on fashion or food or PU.
It's possible to display higher value than someone by being cruel; you can call
them out on their flaws or their low-status behaviors easily enough. There is a
danger, here, of seeming to snub because you envy. Envy implies uncoolness.
Finally, there exists the backhanded compliment or subtle snub. You out-AMOG
some guy like he's one of your best pals, and on the surface it's all in good
fun, but his value plummets and yours soars. Likewise, if you neg some chick or
use TD's Elastic Snapband Effect, her value -insta-drops- and because women are
-driven- to maintain social status, she will immediately hop-to to get it back
up. It's not about getting laid; the IOI, in this case, is all about value.
-You IMPLICITLY display social intelligence
IMPLICITLY. In other words, you THINK LIKE A CHICK. You eyecode. You
AMOG-destroy. You are part of the 'Secret Society'.
Here I'm going to back up on everything I've implied so far and say the
reverse; it's possible to explicitly display your social intelligence and make
it work. HANDLE WITH CARE, though. This is DANGER, WILL ROBINSON. If you don't
have the value to pull it off, you'll look like a creepy presumptuous loser.
If some chick is clearly trying to qualify herself to you, or transparently
DHVing, or even just struggling for your attention, you can neg-qualify her in
the following manner, playfully:
"It's okay, you don't have to (do that/try hard/whatever) to get my attention.
See?" Throw an arm around her, kinohug her. The first time a guy did this to
me, it hit me like a -bomb- of insta-hotness. By doing this, you simultaneously
A) drop her value relative to yours, B) grant her attention from a position of
power, and C) show you know the score.
-You screen
If you screen people who are attracted to you, you increase your relative
value. This is why women maintain that NO WOMAN EVER DELIBERATELY GETS LAID
with a man who is not wildly attractive and high-status. But WE know that of
course women get laid on purpose! It's not like that HB8 you did over the
weekend tripped, fell, and landed on your dick. If someone CHASES you, their
status is lower than yours. This is why you say, "Want to come over and look at
my stamp collection?" rather than, "Want to come over and have sex?". SLUTS
CHASE. Chicks with value are accustomed to screening. It's important for her to
maintain the illusion that she did not INTEND to fuck you, in order to maintain
her social value.
A good way to display social intelligence is to understand and accommodate
this. This is why explicitly acknowledging the seduction process is dangerous:
if it's out on the table, out loud, that you're trying to fuck her and she
-goes along with it anyway- she LOSES FACE because she's been UNMASKED as a
co-conspirator in your getting laid.
This is where chick logic comes from. I'll write another post on it, sometime.
YOU LOSE STATUS WHEN:
-You show outcome-dependence
When you show that you are outcome-dependent, you LOSE FACE. By demonstrating
outcome-dependence, you make it clear that you aren't having fun (which
high-status people do, remember) - instead you are gambling your time and
status in the hopes of pay-off in the form of sex with this chick who you
clearly regard as COOLER THAN YOURSELF. You are acknowledging her value. She is
the prize. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars.
-You try to buy approval
You supplicate. You imply that you don't know how to legitimately display your
own worth, so you need to resort to trying to buy the approval of those you are
implicitly acknowledging as being higher-value than yourself. If she wasn't
cooler than you, why would you care what she thought?
-Your position is cemented as below someone
You are out-amog'd. You are treated in a diminutive way. Some chick gives you
bad relationship advice and you eat it up without critical thinking. This is
all explained above, in the 'gaining status' section.
-You chase
Chasing is a _gamble_. Chasing is aggressive pursuit. It can succeed, sure -
but it allows the other person, the higher-status person, the chas-ee- the
ability to screen. They choose, you don't.
SLUTS CHASE. Women will avoid being labelled 'sluts' at all costs because they
are at the BOTTOM of the social totem-pole, with the WBAFCs. Sluts in the
traditional sense are women whose need for validation is so great that they
have gambled away all their buying power trying to fill it.
A woman who is perceived as slutty has a hard time finding quality ass because
quality ass is likely to screen _her_. She is a LAST RESORT FUCK.
Not only that, but other women (and men) on their way up the social ladder will
step on her, on the way. They will use her to reinforce their own superiority.
The 'slut' is a lightning-rod for the 'cement someone's position as below you'
method of gaining status.
Sad, but true.
WHAT THIS MEANS FOR THE PUA
For the PUA, this is GREAT. This is WONDERFUL. Why is this great for the PUA?
Because the PUA has -worked- for his social status, and he knows how he got it.
It was not delivered by the stork along with a nice set of tits, or trim and
shapely thighs and a button nose; no, he's invested field work and sweat and
other bodily fluids in getting good, and he is -good-.
Thus he can work women in ways that women are not equipped to work him.
Consider the following analogy; who's better off, a self-made millionare or a
lotto winnner? The self-made man! Why? Because he knows the value of his money,
and how to invest it and make it grow.
Some of this seems ruthless; be aware that women aren't thinking about it, when
they do it. For most women, this is all pure instinct.
as seen on Fast Seduction
guy, I would post it in Advanced, because if you're not getting laid already
this WILL NOT HELP YOU. Knowing how an airplane works doesn't mean you can fly
it.
With that said:
Chick logic makes sense.
THE BASIC PRINCIPLE
Chicks act at all times to _gain_ and _maintain_ social status. This is more
important to them than getting laid.
QUALITIES OF HIGH STATUS PEOPLE
-They are admired and desirable.
All manner of people fit into this category, and _to a certain extent_ it's
cyclical; if you have high social value you're admired, and if you're admired
you have high social value. On the other hand, there are all kinds of ways to
be desirable and admired; hot chicks fit into this category, but so do
politicians, rocket scientists, rockstars, PUAs, and rich men.
In this category HBs have the upper hand. Evolution has engineered men to pick
partners for health and beauty, so a nice set of tits WILL take you further in
this world than a nice set of pecs. Go figure.
-They are relaxed and confident
Confidence is VITAL to high social status. It doesn't matter whether you're
confident because you graduated from the school of hard knocks or because
you've had everything you ever wanted handed to you on a silver platter; if
you're confident, you are relaxed in the knowledge that you can handle whatever
life throws at you, and succeed at whatever you undertake.
You'll vibe this confidence at the people around you, and it will be a powerful
positive experience for them. HSE people will appreciate you, and LSE people
will desire or envy you.
Relaxation and confidence also means you're NOT NEEDY. This is good because
needy men tend to come across as either pathetic or dangerous.
-They behave naturally
This is what it means to 'be yourself', in the classic dating-advice sense. It
doesn't mean burp and fart and be depressing if you feel like it. It means
DON'T BE TRYHARD. I cannot stress this enough. Fake it till you make it, of
course, by all means, but for God's sake MAKE IT. Socially intelligent people
can -tell- when you are incongruent, and for women it's not just weird; it can
actually be alarming.
It implies that you're hiding something - possibly one of the more dangerous
low-social-status traits like fear, volatility, or disdain for the
unattainable.
-Their time and energy has value
If you have high social value, you recognize that your time and energy ALSO
have value. This means you're willing to cut off boring threads of conversation
- even with desirable people - and that you spend your time doing things that
are ultimately productive, either in fun-value or in other ways.
If some HB wanders off 'to the bathroom' or 'to go dance' on you, you have run
out of fun-value. Sorry, tiger.
-They are socially intelligent
If you are socially intelligent, you know the score. You can tell who is
tryhard and who is not, who gets laid and who doesn't, what it means when two
chicks eyecode each other, etc etc ad infinitum. You understand, intuitively,
who has social status and who doesn't, and what's going on when two people
flirt, and all manner of other things.
THIS MEANS YOU DO NOT HAVE TO VERBALIZE IT. FEELING YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT
AS IT HAPPENS SHOWS YOU ARE *NOT* SOCIALLY INTELLIGENT. FIGHT THE URGE.
This means no "You're flirting with me, aren't you?!"s, no "Your pupils are
dilated... They say that means women are turned on...".
HANDLE THESE PRONOUNCEMENTS WITH THE UTMOST CARE. People who recognize this
shit with regularity _do not need to talk about it_. When you go to a football
game with your buddies, do you all sit around going, "Look at that... He kicked
the ball into the endzone! That means a goal, right? Awesome! He made a goal!"
NO! YOU DO NOT. You know the score.
The bad news about social intelligence is that if you are a guy most chicks, by
and large, will have more of it than you. The good news is that it's an easy
skill to acquire; all it takes is a willingness to observe people interacting
and to TRUST the things you perceive this way. Most guys I know see many of the
same things that women do, but because they don't (at first glance) have a
clear logical framework to put them in, they ignore them as untrustworthy.
QUALITIES OF LOW STATUS PEOPLE
-They seek approval and acceptance
People with low social status suffer from a deficit of validation. Sometimes
they legitimately don't get the recognition they deserve, and suffer from
unwillingness or inability to reframe; other times it's because they're
neurotic and LSE and no amount of validation will ever be enough. Unable to
validate themselves, they seek approval and acceptance from other people.
-They are volatile and anxious
The world is a frightening place when you don't know what's going to happen
next and you don't know if you'll be able to deal with it, whatever it is.
People without confidence react to this great, frightening unknown with a level
of perpetual anxiety that they vibe at others. Driven by their own percieved
helplessness and rage, they will explode with fits of anger, or display
disproportionate fear; of women, of change, etc.
-They try to buy what they can't earn
In terms of social status, this is very important. People who don't understand
how to DHV will try to BUY approval. On ASF, this is known as supplication. It
DOES NOT increase your social status or make you desirable to women. If it's
clear you're trying to buy appproval, you will LOSE VALUE. A chick's reaction
to a man she does not already find desirable supplicating for approval is about
the same as YOUR reaction when you stop at a red light and some hobo goes to
squeejee your windshield for dollars. Maybe you'll give him your spare change,
sure - but what if he was asking for sex? Would you bang him?
I thought not.
-They disdain what they can't have
People with low social status disdain what they can't have. Helpless to attain
what they desire, they reject it pre-emptively instead.
This means men who hate hot women.
This means women who hate hot women.
This means UGs who hate the idea of anyone getting laid.
This means men who hate confident, competent men.
-They are NOT socially intelligent
People with low social status are not socially intelligent. If you misuse or
DON'T use kino, this is you. If you can't recognize an AI when it whacks you
upside the head, this is you. If you don't know when to escalate, this is you.
TRANSFER OF STATUS
These are general principles of things that will increase your social status.
If you don't have any in the first place, these -will not work-, I repeat,
-will not work-. They require a steady foundation of at least moderate
coolness. With that said...
YOU GAIN STATUS WHEN:
-Your worth is recognized and appreciated
The higher the social status of the person appreciating you, the more status
you gain. This is key. KEY KEY KEY KEY. Get out a highlighter, use it on your
computer monitor if you have to. Remember this.
THIS IS WHY SOCIAL PROOF WORKS.
Not only that; if you establish high value, women WILL RISK LOSING VALUE to
gain your approval. They'll gamble. They'll chase you.
This is also why, in those instances when you overqualify and DHV the fuck out
of some poor HB7 until she locks up, you MUST qualify her. If you do not
qualify her, you are obviously not recognizing and appreciating her genuine
merit - there is NO REASON for someone as cool as you to take a legit interest
in her. You are using her as a blow-up doll that moans.
The higher your social value, the more women will want you to recognize and
appreciate them. If you're a sufficiently cool PUA, women will try to snag you
for an LTR _even if they're not looking for an LTR otherwise_, just for the
implicit social proof you provide. This is purely social reflex. More to the
point, of course, they'll hook up with you.
-People seek your approval
When people qualify themselves to you, or visibly try to impress you, they are
being TRYHARD. But what this says to someone who knows the score is that you
have social value. You are worth impressing; more, to LookAtMeLikeMeDude, you
are worth losing status to impress.
-You display competence naturally
When you DHV without being tryhard, you gain cool-points. This isn't rocket
science, and should not require explanation.
-You cement someone's position beneath you
There are, essentially, three ways of cementing someone's position beneath you;
you can give them the carrot, give them the stick, or give them both at once.
For any of these to work, you must have the social status to back them up. This
doesn't create something from nothing; it broadens the divide that already
exists.
It's possible to display higher value than someone by being nice; if they seek
your approval and you grant it, or call them 'cute' or other
nice-but-diminutive-nicknames, or act - more generally - in a parental sort of
way. Also included here is genuinely helpful advice, on fashion or food or PU.
It's possible to display higher value than someone by being cruel; you can call
them out on their flaws or their low-status behaviors easily enough. There is a
danger, here, of seeming to snub because you envy. Envy implies uncoolness.
Finally, there exists the backhanded compliment or subtle snub. You out-AMOG
some guy like he's one of your best pals, and on the surface it's all in good
fun, but his value plummets and yours soars. Likewise, if you neg some chick or
use TD's Elastic Snapband Effect, her value -insta-drops- and because women are
-driven- to maintain social status, she will immediately hop-to to get it back
up. It's not about getting laid; the IOI, in this case, is all about value.
-You IMPLICITLY display social intelligence
IMPLICITLY. In other words, you THINK LIKE A CHICK. You eyecode. You
AMOG-destroy. You are part of the 'Secret Society'.
Here I'm going to back up on everything I've implied so far and say the
reverse; it's possible to explicitly display your social intelligence and make
it work. HANDLE WITH CARE, though. This is DANGER, WILL ROBINSON. If you don't
have the value to pull it off, you'll look like a creepy presumptuous loser.
If some chick is clearly trying to qualify herself to you, or transparently
DHVing, or even just struggling for your attention, you can neg-qualify her in
the following manner, playfully:
"It's okay, you don't have to (do that/try hard/whatever) to get my attention.
See?" Throw an arm around her, kinohug her. The first time a guy did this to
me, it hit me like a -bomb- of insta-hotness. By doing this, you simultaneously
A) drop her value relative to yours, B) grant her attention from a position of
power, and C) show you know the score.
-You screen
If you screen people who are attracted to you, you increase your relative
value. This is why women maintain that NO WOMAN EVER DELIBERATELY GETS LAID
with a man who is not wildly attractive and high-status. But WE know that of
course women get laid on purpose! It's not like that HB8 you did over the
weekend tripped, fell, and landed on your dick. If someone CHASES you, their
status is lower than yours. This is why you say, "Want to come over and look at
my stamp collection?" rather than, "Want to come over and have sex?". SLUTS
CHASE. Chicks with value are accustomed to screening. It's important for her to
maintain the illusion that she did not INTEND to fuck you, in order to maintain
her social value.
A good way to display social intelligence is to understand and accommodate
this. This is why explicitly acknowledging the seduction process is dangerous:
if it's out on the table, out loud, that you're trying to fuck her and she
-goes along with it anyway- she LOSES FACE because she's been UNMASKED as a
co-conspirator in your getting laid.
This is where chick logic comes from. I'll write another post on it, sometime.
YOU LOSE STATUS WHEN:
-You show outcome-dependence
When you show that you are outcome-dependent, you LOSE FACE. By demonstrating
outcome-dependence, you make it clear that you aren't having fun (which
high-status people do, remember) - instead you are gambling your time and
status in the hopes of pay-off in the form of sex with this chick who you
clearly regard as COOLER THAN YOURSELF. You are acknowledging her value. She is
the prize. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars.
-You try to buy approval
You supplicate. You imply that you don't know how to legitimately display your
own worth, so you need to resort to trying to buy the approval of those you are
implicitly acknowledging as being higher-value than yourself. If she wasn't
cooler than you, why would you care what she thought?
-Your position is cemented as below someone
You are out-amog'd. You are treated in a diminutive way. Some chick gives you
bad relationship advice and you eat it up without critical thinking. This is
all explained above, in the 'gaining status' section.
-You chase
Chasing is a _gamble_. Chasing is aggressive pursuit. It can succeed, sure -
but it allows the other person, the higher-status person, the chas-ee- the
ability to screen. They choose, you don't.
SLUTS CHASE. Women will avoid being labelled 'sluts' at all costs because they
are at the BOTTOM of the social totem-pole, with the WBAFCs. Sluts in the
traditional sense are women whose need for validation is so great that they
have gambled away all their buying power trying to fill it.
A woman who is perceived as slutty has a hard time finding quality ass because
quality ass is likely to screen _her_. She is a LAST RESORT FUCK.
Not only that, but other women (and men) on their way up the social ladder will
step on her, on the way. They will use her to reinforce their own superiority.
The 'slut' is a lightning-rod for the 'cement someone's position as below you'
method of gaining status.
Sad, but true.
WHAT THIS MEANS FOR THE PUA
For the PUA, this is GREAT. This is WONDERFUL. Why is this great for the PUA?
Because the PUA has -worked- for his social status, and he knows how he got it.
It was not delivered by the stork along with a nice set of tits, or trim and
shapely thighs and a button nose; no, he's invested field work and sweat and
other bodily fluids in getting good, and he is -good-.
Thus he can work women in ways that women are not equipped to work him.
Consider the following analogy; who's better off, a self-made millionare or a
lotto winnner? The self-made man! Why? Because he knows the value of his money,
and how to invest it and make it grow.
Some of this seems ruthless; be aware that women aren't thinking about it, when
they do it. For most women, this is all pure instinct.
as seen on Fast Seduction
Abonnieren
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